Sunday, June 18, 2006

Now He's Stopped

So Tom hounded me on what I wanted for my birthday.

(Which is Monday.)

Even though I've continued to say over and over again that all I want is books. Tom, who doesn't read and doesn't understand how I can finish a 300 page book in less than a week (or read for pleasure) doesn't believe this.

"Books? Really? You have to want something else."

I have a feeling if I said I wanted a diamond necklace he'd run out and get me one. Because he enjoys spoiling me. Problem is, I'm much too practical. I know I will rarely ever get a chance to wear the diamond necklace. Heck, I barely wear all the jewelry he's already bestowed upon me because we haven't been anywhere fancy since his Airman Leadership graduation. Sometimes I wear the sapphire and diamond necklace that he brought back from the Middle East around the house but I constantly check on it, making sure it hasn't fallen off. I once left the house with it on (Tom and I went to the BX) and Tom thought I was having some sort of spasm.

"What's wrong? What's with you placing a hand on your chest? Can you breathe? Is your heart okay?" he finally asked after watching me touch the pendant for the 500th time.

I explained what I was doing and he relaxed.

"Oh good. I thought you were dying."

I digress.

After listening to Tom continue to ask what I wanted, I finally threw my hands up and went, "Yes Tom, there is something I want."

He leaned forward, waiting.

I nodded and said as though it were the simpliest thing in the word, "I'll take Elijah Wood."

Tom's face contorted into that of sheer horror. Which was quickly followed by a tad bit of jealously because Tom is aware that I've had a bit of a crush on Elijah since I was ten. (I'm embarrassed to admit.)

"Elijah is gay," Tom finally said, arms folded across his chest. "Did you see his behavior when he was Punk'd?" He nodded hard, to the point where I thought his eyes might fall out of their sockets. "Yes. Uh huh. Gay. For sure." (He said this as though he were paranoid that I might announce that I'd take off and leave him for Elijah.)

"He's not gay. He has a girlfriend," I argued. "And I wouldn't want to do anything naughty with him.." (Tom snorted here in disbelief.) "I just think he'd be a lot of fun to hang out with. He seems down to earth. Normal."

Tom scratched his head. "So let me get this straight. For your birthday, you want Elijah Wood? Just to talk with him?"


"I don't believe you! If you had the chance you'd ravish him!"

I laughed. "You said ravish. Hah! Say it again, it sounds funny when you say it!"

Tom was not amused. In fact he started to look like a petulant child. As though we were talking about something that was an actual possibility. Hah.

"Oh Tom, you know you're the only man for me. Really."

Tom snorted.

"And I really would only just talk to Elijah.."

"Ermhmmm.." Tom said, eyebrow raised.

Seriously. I would.

This would be Elijah's reaction when Tom called him up to ask if he'd like to come over for a chat.

We've scared him. Lovely.

"So Elijah Wood is out," I sighed. "Okay then, I'll take Hayden Christensen. Since Tommy is into Star Wars I had to find something to get me through the movie after all.."

Of course I got neither.


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