Well, I leave you tomorrow. And I know what you're thinking, I didn't give you a fair chance. You grew fed up with all the complaining that I did and became mildly insulted when I stated that your baked beans tasted off. You just have to understand, England, that Americans are used to sweet baked beans--not ones that are in some strange tomato sauce. You should try baked beans with brown sugar and bacon, I promise you, you won't be disappointed.
Okay, England, I admit, I wasn't fond of living here. It wasn't all you, it was just the particular area we were in. I love London, I really do, because I've always been a huge fan of history. But the area we were in seemed to be all farmland and I grew annoyed with the constant smell of manure and the tractors that felt they could pull out in front of you and go 10 miles per hour.
I know you think we should have traveled more, if we were so unhappy with the area. Believe me, England, I thought about it but I'm a mother to a very hyperactive four year old who wouldn't give two hoots about castles and who wouldn't be pleased upon being told to sit for three hours in a bus.
You weren't all bad, really you weren't. I mean when we first got here my son wasn't even two and now he's four going on five. And, you allowed me to meet Jennifer, who I now consider a best friend, one of those friends you can tell anything to and know she won't judge. I know we'll be friends forever and not just because she also likes to shop--but because she's a genuine good person. So England, I thank you for allowing me to meet her, for sticking her across the street from me. You seemed to realize that I needed a friend to get through this.
England, you also left me with a very special souvenier. You gave me the little girl I so wanted. We will forever tell her that she was conceived in England and she'll forever be humilated by this news and beg us not to tell the story and mutter out that it's not amusing to call her Big Ben.
I will probably even miss you, even though I tell people that I won't. But how could I not miss three years of my life?
You'll be forever in my heart, England, I promise.
Once again, I do apologize for all the complaining I've done but you have to understand, I've been in Europe most of my life and I yearn to be near family. And yes England, I yearn to be near a Kohls and Wal-Mart.
So this is goodbye England.
Take care of yourself.
And please, if you can, give us good weather when we fly tomorrow.
You know I'm terrified of airplanes.