Wednesday, December 13, 2006

The Joy of Wal-Mart

So Tom and I have been going to Wal-Mart.

A lot.

In fact I think most of his paycheck has gone to Wal-Mart.

Hello. We're Amber and Tom and we're addicted to Wal-Mart.

It's just we can't believe we have so many choices that are neatly contained in one store that only takes about ten minutes to get to. In England there weren't many choices; most of the things we couldn't find we'd have to order online. And that was only if they shipped to England. Sure we could have shopped in English stores, but really, there weren't any good stores around us and plus the exchange rate was horrible. So we'd be paying double for whatever we bought off base which was why we mainly stuck to the BX and the BXtra.

Now we're all, "BX what??" Because the BX on this base is crap. Because they know they have a Wal-Mart right there.

Oh the things that we've bought at Wal-Mart aren't fun things though. No, we had to get a microwave, a toaster, a trash can, an iron, an ironing board, curtains, etc...and still, we were amazed at all the choices. In England you had maybe three choices. Four if you were lucky. Now we wander down aisles in awe.

Of course Tom still rushes me. I was staring at all the curtain choices and he cleared his throat and asked if I had picked a style out yet.

"I'm just looking," I said.

"But the people..." Tom trailed off, staring at all the other Wal-Mart shoppers with distain. He truly believes that when he enters a store, all other customers should leave so he can shop in peace.

He doesn't understand my need to go down the food aisles either. We mainly shop at the commissary on the base since things tend to be cheaper--but this commissary doesn't offer a whole lot. At Wal-Mart there is an entire row of desserts and I love to wander down that said row, mouth slightly open in shock of all the different flavors of fruit bars, chocolate bars, ice cream..

But there is one problem with the Wal-Mart:

The bathrooms.

Because I'm pregnant, I feel the urge to pee every five minutes.

This urge turns to panic which leads to me doing my pee dance, which basically is me bouncing around, legs crossed while uttering, "Gotta go pee, gotta go pee," over and over.

I went to use the bathroom in Wal-Mart and was disgusted.

The first bathroom I walked into had a pubic hair on the toilet seat.


Brown and curly and sitting there on the toilet seat.

I nearly gagged.

I suppose I could have taken some toilet paper and brushed it off but ew, there was a PUBIC HAIR sitting there.

So into the next stall I went.

There I found a piece of poop staring back up at me and I quickly backed out of there.

The other stall had a USED tampon sticking out of the small trash can.

The final stall was the handicapped one and I thankfully didn't find any problems there.

Though I still refused to place my butt on the seat. I did the lift my rear over the bowl thing.

When I finally finished Tom asked if I had fallen in or something.

"You wouldn't BELIEVE the state of the bathroom!" I exclaimed.

"Actually I can. I use the men's bathroom, remember, and we're pigs," he said with a nod.

True that.


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