Monday, September 10, 2007

The Mission

The Mission: To fit in my size five jeans. And not eat so much junk food. Junk food bad, healthy food good.

The Realistic Mission: Cannot give up junk food. Junk food GOOD, health food bad. No no, health food GOOD.

First Attempt: Failed miserably. Butt too big. Thighs too big. EVERYTHING too big. Am depressed. Want to throw size five jeans out the window.

Second Attempt: Butt not as big. Thighs still too big. Can't even pull pants up.

Repeat Mission: Junk food BAD, health food GOOD. Put down the cookie.
(Cannot put down cookie. Cookie too good.)

Third Attempt: What? Butt now too big again! PUT DOWN THE COOKIES!!

Fourth Attempt: Do not want to talk about it.

Fifth Attempt: Do not want to talk about it.

Sixth Attempt: Pants will pull up! But..but..pants will not button. I suck and suck and nothing happens.

Repeat Mission: Junk food BAD, health food GOOD. Will throw out all junk food. There. Junk food going in garbage. Junk food--CANNOT THROW JUNK FOOD IN GARBAGE. Little Debbie too good.

Seventh Attempt: I can almost button the jeans. Just. Need. To. Lose. Gut.

Eighth Attempt: Almost there. Wish I were famous so I could get a tummy tuck. Tummy tucks too expensive. Unless I get one done in like Brazil or something. But then I might die from tummy tuck. Do not want to die from tummy tuck. Have to get rich somehow. Maybe win lottery?

Ninth Attempt: Still cannot button jeans. Hate all celebrities that are suddenly thin a month after giving birth. Must be nice to have a nanny so they can run to the gym whenver they want. Or pay for tummy tuck. Or have a chef that can make nasty health food taste good.

Tenth Attempt (TODAY): Figure might as well try on pants. Probably won't fit. Even though I have lost two pounds. Might as well try. OO. Pants sliding up thighs. Good. Pants over hips. Good. Pants..Pants CLOSING!! PANTS CLOSING.

I'm wearing size five pants again!!

Cannot breathe very well but who needs breathing?!


Who cares if I'd be considered fat in Hollywood.

I'm in my pants again!! Cannot breathe but I'm in my pants again!

Rush and tell Tom.

"I'm in my size fives!"

Tom doesn't seem impressed.

Mean Tom.

Mom is impressed though. She says good job.

New Mission: Lost belly fat.

Give up junk food.

Junk food BAD, health food GOOD.

Project get back down to 110 underway.

Right now at 127.

Can do this.

Junk food, BAD, health food GOOD.

(Just one Little Debbie won't hurt..)


Wish Mom could live here forever. Mom makes healthy snacks.

Junk food BAD, health food GOOD.

(Not helping that I'm about to see a movie in a theatre (first date in forever with husband) and there is junk food everywhere. Mmm buttery popcorn. A tub of heart attack in a nifty little container.

Maybe a size small popcorn won't be bad...

Must resist nachos though.

But nachos so GOOD!

Must resist.

Junk food BAD, health food GOOD.


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