Friday, February 29, 2008

The Cheese to my Macaroni


Earlier today we went downtown to pick up some donuts at this local shop.

When we pulled up Mom went, "It's closed," and I honestly thought she was joking because it was her way of saying, "Eww donuts, too fatty, stay away!"

But I looked up and sure enough the closed sign was slapped against the door with the explaination of: "Ran out of donuts for the day. Sorry."

Ran out of donuts?

Here's an interesting concept: how about you make some more?

I mean honestly.

I guess that's what I get for enjoying a tiny local donut shop.

Instead we stopped in for ice cream. I asked for a strawberry citrus drink. Tom walked in with me wanting the same drink and when we walked out he was all, "I think the guy made us strawberry banana smoothies. I saw him throw a banana in the blender."


I took a sip and sure enough it was a strawberry banana smoothie.

Why didn't Tom speak up in the store?

Why won't he grow a pair and speak up?

I mean the smoothie was good enough but what I really wanted was a strawberry citrus. I suppose I could have marched back in and demanded the proper drink but at that point the guy was helping someone else and I didn't want to wait.


Yesterday wasn't much better.

Tom and I were planning on going on a movie date. It took us forever to come up with a movie we could agree on.

He wanted to see Vantage Point and I said no thank you.

Then he mentioned Jumper and I said no thank you.

"But that Hayden dude is in it," he said. "I know you have a thing for him."

I do but it's not my type of movie. I'm not a teenager anymore, I don't just go watch movies with my celebrity crush in it if I don't like the genre. (I did this with Elijah Wood movies when I was younger.)

"I'll see Definately, Maybe ," I said with a grin.

Tom made a face. "I'm not sitting through a girl movie."

"I'm not sitting through a boy movie," I said firmly.

Finally I noticed that Juno was still showing.

"There's Juno," I suggested, thinking Tom would turn it down.

Instead he shrugged. "I'll see that I guess."

So finally we agreed on the movie. We decided on the 5:05 showing.

But guess what?

Two hours before we were set to leave his work called him in.

Something happened with Tom's troops.

I was livid.

"Tell them you have plans," I snapped.

"They don't care," Tom responded.

"But maybe if you mention that you have plans they'll be compassionate and--"

"They don't CARE, Amber. Jana, please explain to your daughter how the military works," Tom said sharply.

Mom gave me a sorrowful look and said gently that the Air Force didn't really care about families.

Of course I KNEW that but geez..we rarely get to go out just the two of us.

Maybe if I saw Tom sticking up for his family for once, maybe just mentioning us--"Sir, of course I'll come in but would it be possible if I can get out at 4:30 since I have a date planned with my wife"--just something like that, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

But Tom just takes everything.

And he didn't even seem upset, that also disturbed me.

He just calmly pulled on his uniform. Maybe if I saw some emotion from him--"Dammit, I just wish I could go out with my wife" then maybe it wouldn't have been so bad.

So he left.

4:30 rolled around and he still wasn't home. I called his cell phone.

"Give me ten minutes," he barked and then hung up.

I waited ten minutes.

No Tom.

I waited five more.

No Tom.

I decided to go on my own.

I was near tears as I left the house. My cell phone rang as I backed up. I stopped the car (look irritating cell phone drivers, here's a concept--STOP THE CAR when your phone rings or don't answer it!) and answered.

"Just go ahead without me. I'll try to make it but no promises," Tom said and then hung up.

A few tears slipped down my cheeks as I slipped my phone in my purse.

Stupid Air Force I continued to think as I drove along.

I mean I do love the military life but it's so aggrivating how they honestly could give a rats ass about the family.

I know, I know, they'd issue you a family if they wanted you to have one.

I hate that phrase.

I made it to the cinema and hardly anyone was in there.

It was a bit strange.

When I walked into my theatre number room there were only two other people in there.

Then the previews started.

Still no Tom.

Then the movie started.

Weird, Juno is drinking a lot of Sunny D.

And OH, it's Dwight from The Office!!

Then someone walked in.


He had a nachos and some soda in his hands.

I had told him that I'd sit in the aisle so he spotted me right away.

The movie was entertaining enough. I doubt I'd buy the DVD but it was enjoyable to watch once. To think a former stripper wrote the screenplay.

It's obvious that I'm Gymboree obsessed because I spotted the Gymboree bag twice in the movie. The first time I was all excited.

"Look Tom, Gymboree!" I said, gesturing.

The bag was sitting in Jennifer Garner's living room.

Then it appeared again when she was at the mall. It would be awesome to have a rich friend who gave Gymboree to my kids. If I were rich I'd totally buy Gymboree for my friends.

I did like that they used an actual newborn in the movie. It really bugs me when they try to pass three month olds as a newborn.

I understand about the child labor law and all--I think newborns can be on screen for like two minutes which is like two seconds in movie time since they need lighting and all that fun stuff. But still. Get a small baby or something, it really distracts me when the baby is obviously not a newborn.

However it bugged me when Juno's water just suddenly broke. It RARELY happens that way. But in a lot of movies pregnant people will just be strolling along and BAM, there goes their water.

My water was broken by the doctor each time.

Tom said that the movie was "interesting" which means he liked it okay.

It's a better response than "what the crap was that?"

That would be his response when we watched Knocked Up.

I did tell Tom that he was the cheese to my macaroni. In the movie that's how Juno describes the man she loves.

Tom raised an eyebrow at me and went, "Uh thanks. You're the um, root to my beer.."

I guess that's his version of being romantic??

Okay so then we get home and Natalie is actually not crying. Awesome.

Of course the minute she saw me she cried.

It's my punishment I guess.

Then later it was bedtime and I was looking forward to Lost.

However, Natalie started screaming in bed.

I checked on her and she was covered in vomit.

Luckily I had paused the TV (DVR rocks--or so I thought) so I got her cleaned up.

She finally went back to sleep so I pushed the play button--and my TV just gave me a black screen.

I began to panic.

What happened to my beloved Lost??

I kept pressing play and nothing.

I probably would have totally freaked out had my mom not have been sitting beside me. I didn't want her to think that she raised a potty mouth for a daughter.

Instead I went, "What's going ON?"

For the first few minutes.

When it was obvious that Lost wasn't going to be coming back on I threw the remote on the couch and called it a total piece of shit.

Then I quickly apologized to my Mom.

"I'm sorry Mom. But it is. It's a total piece of SHIT!"

Mom didn't seem to mind. "It's okay. I'd be aggrivated too," she said.

I called the cable company and they told me to unplug the power cord and re-plug it back in.

And guess what?

The DVR started working again.

"I missed Lost," I angrily told the person.

"I'm sorry.." she said, a little confused.

"Now I have to download it on the computer. Stupid DVR," I fumed.

"Ma'am, I do apologize, but this rarely happens.."

"It better not," I snapped. Then I felt rude so I went, "I'm sorry. I was just really looking forward to watching Lost."

"It's okay, ma'am. Is there anything else I can help you with?" Her tone of voice sounded like she wanted to add, "Please no. I just want to hang up with you you psycho Lost fan.."

So yes, now I have to download it online.

I only got to see the first few minutes with Desmond going ape shit wondering where he was and who everyone was.


Right now I'm typing this with Natalie on my lap. Usually she entertains herself for at least five to ten minutes but now if I set her down she flips out.

So she's pretty much been attached to me all day.

Tomorrow we're all going to the mall and then Kohls so that should be fun.

I'm off to go start dinner. We're having spaghetti.

Then I might make brownies or cookies since we didn't get donuts.

Mom will probably be all, "How decadent.." she uses that word a lot when I talk about junk food. *Laughs* It amuses me..


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