Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Only Non Edward Obsessed Chick...

So over the weekend I decided I ought to watch the DVDs that came from Netflix.

Sometimes they sit on my kitchen counter for months before I get around to watching them.

It's not as easy to sit down and watch a movie when you have two kids running about. And then when they're finally asleep that's the time when you have to clean. Because if you try to clean when they're awake, well, then they want to "help" and their version of helping is to make an even bigger mess. Which you don't TELL them because you don't want to hurt their feelings.

I ended up watching Made of Honor which was a DVD that had been sitting on my kitchen counter for awhile.

It was pretty good.

All chick flicks seem to be the same though. I had figured out the ending within ten minutes of the movie.

Then I put in The House Bunny and felt like I lost a few brain cells.

It was stupid.

The only plus was that Colin Hanks was in it and he's nice to look at.

The next DVDs are my Netflix list are The Duchess and The Women.

I sincerely hope those are better.

Today I went to the commissary. I had to pick up the stuff to make lasagna. Tom has been craving it. I hate making it because it's just a huge pain in the butt. But he surprised me the other day by cleaning the stovetop--which looked like a tiny bomb had exploded on it. And as a thank you I begrudgingly agreed to make his beloved lasagna.

I also picked up some 50% off Christmas scents. They had their Harvest air freshners marked half off so I scooped some of those up. Harvest air doesn't bother me. It smells good and it doesn't scream holidays to me. Any smell is better than the smell of fresh Max the cat poop, really.

As I was checking out I noticed the cashier had a copy of Breaking Dawn beside her.

"Oh," I said, gesturing to the book. "I just finished that."

Her eyes lit up. A few seconds prior she had looked half asleep, as though she wanted to crawl back into bed. "Isn't Edward DREAMY?" she gushed.

Oh no.

Not another Edward fanatic.

It's just, well, I'm 26. My days of being obsessed with a fictional character are over.

Had the series been out when I was a teenager then perhaps I would have been Edward obsessed. Because it's acceptable then. But because I'm 26 I can't get myself excited over someone who doesn't exist.

I just can't wrap my brain around the thirty something year olds who say that they want to marry Edward.

"But he doesn't EXIST!" I want to scream.

"Edward is...he's nice enough," I told the cashier politely.

She seemed aghast. Her jaw even dropped open a little bit. "He's PERFECT!" she swooned.

And she looked to be in her thirties.

I wanted to say, "Perhaps you should focus your affections on someone, I don't know...alive.."

"I get cold easily," I felt the need to explain from the expression the cashier was tossing me. "And Edward is cold therefore I'd be freezing all the time with him around me. So no thanks." I flashed a smile as I brought out my debit card to pay.

The cashier seemed genuinely confused. "But.." she spluttered. "He's PERFECT!" she repeated.

Oh lordy. Remind me NEVER to bring up the Twilight series with anyone EVER again. It seemed whenever I do, the person is obsessed with Edward. And when I explain that actually no, I'm not crazy about him, they look at ME like I'm the crazy one!

Sorry, my crushes are ALIVE. And exist.

Elijah Wood. He's alive.

Michael Phelps. Alive.

John Krasinski. Oh, look at that..ALIVE..

"I don't like perfection," I said, quickly swiping my card. At that point I wanted to get OUT of there.

Never EVER bring up Twilight again. Never EVER bring up Twilight again.. I chanted in my mind as the words APPROVED appeared on the screen.

"You don't LIKE perfection?" the cashier boomed. She gave a high pitched giggle and made eye contact with the woman behind me. She gestured to me and told that woman, "She doesn't like perfection! Who wouldn't like a perfect man?"

The woman shrugged politely and looked utterly baffled.

"I like a man with imperfections I guess," I said, waiting patiently for the cashier to hand me my receipt.

She finally reached for it and placed it in my palm. "I have never heard of someone not wanting the perfect man," she said and tossed me a sympathetic look as though I were an invalid or something.

Then she went to scanning the other person's groceries and I hurried out of there.

But yeah, thinking about the guys who I'm attracted to, they all have imperfections.

Tom? It's the big ear thing and the fact that he THINKS he's funny and he's really not. He'll say something that he believes to be funny and then he's met with cricket chirps in the background. Almost like he's tries so hard to fit in.

Elijah Wood? The gap in the middle of his front teeth, the fact that he's deemed short (he's 5'6) and the fact that he's been dubbed a nerd. I love nerds. Bring me the nerds.

Michael Phelps? Again, the big ears, the goofy face, the slightly messed up teeth. I like that. He's also been dubbed a dork and apparently was picked on in high school. I wouldn't have picked on him. I'd have hissed to my friends, "Quick, go see if Michael Phelps likes me.." while in high school. Sure they may have been all, "Erm, but he's a bit of a dork, Amber.." and I'd have been all, "Who cares??" That's basically what happened with my boyfriend before Tom. Everyone was all, "You could do SO much better..he's a dork.." But I didn't care. I like who I like!

John Krasinski. His messed up hair. I dig it. And again, yup, he's been called a nerd. The Office cast call him that a lot.

I guess I have a think for nerds and dorks.

I dunno.

Maybe because I am a nerd and a dork.

I also don't like men who look like models. As Edward does. The whole angel face thing that he has going on, according to Bella..nope, not my thing.

So yes. I may be the only non-obsessed Edward Cullen woman out there.

I read the series.

I enjoyed them.

And now I'm moving on to the next book. It'll actually be a little shocking to read about human beings again. I'll probably be all, "What, no vampires? No werewolves, no Volturi??"

1 comment:

  1. I found your blog link on AFCrossroads, and just wanted to say, not only am I YEARS behind in the Twilight universe, I am not Edward obsessed either! Have only just seen the 1st movie, and laughed through the 1st half! Will be reading the books soon, here's hoping they are better! And btw, LOVE your blog!


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