Yesterday I got to see He's Just Not That Into You.
I read the book when it came out and thanked the Lord that I was no longer in the dating scene. I'd be so lost. One of the rules state that if a guy wants to call you, then he will. But suppose he's shy and takes a few days to muster up the courage?
Tom watched the kids. Awhile back he went to see Gran Torino because Clint Eastwood is one of his heroes. I lost count of the number of times that he's subjected me to Heartbreak Ridge which has a younger Clint Eastwood in it cursing left and right. The movie is over two hours long. It's like, hello Tom, I've learned not to put on The Notebook in your presence. Can't you be equally kind and not put in movies that put me to sleep?
I've given up over trying to get him to enjoy The Notebook. I thought I could make him squeeze my hand and say in a loving voice, "You know, they remind me of us," while gesturing to Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams kissing frantically in the rain.
Want to know what I got instead?
Tom blowing raspberries at the screen and going, "Oh PUH-LEASE," every three seconds.
Because he got to see Gran Torino , I was able to pick out a movie. I decided on He's Just Not That Into You because I remembered the book and quite frankly, I wonder about what the rules are these days. I don't recall there being rules when Tom and I started dating. Of course, we were in high school. The only rules that existed then were the rules made by our parents.
Natalie was not amused over the fact that I was leaving. She saw me putting on my jacket and rushed to grab hers.
"I comes?" she asked hopefully.
"You're staying with your Daddy," I responded.
She tossed her jacket angrily on the floor and jumped up and down in horror. The Terrible Twos are going to be so much fun. Really.
"Tom," I called out as I put on my jacket. "Remember to cut up her burger and give her this fork to eat with. I don't know why, but she won't eat with any other fork. I'm leaving it on the counter. Make sure Tommy finishes his homework. You'll have to watch him while he does it because otherwise he starts drawing pictures all over it and you have to remind him to stay on task. Also--"
I hadn't even realized that Tom was in front of me. I was so focused on rambling out my requests that I was shocked when his palm went over my mouth.
"Amber. I'm their father. I know how to take care of my children," Tom reminded me gently. He removed his hand and kissed the top of my head. "Go. I've got this."
Sometimes I forget that he's a grown adult. I suppose this slips my mind because I see that he can't be bothered with putting his laundry in the basket even though the basket is a few feet away from where he likes to dump his clothes. I have it in my mind that if he can't do something as simple as that, how is he going to be able to keep two human beings alive?
I left a few seconds later. I heard Natalie's angry shouts and Tom telling her not to cry, that they could play horsie.
Her cries abruptly stopped because horsie is all the rage in this household these days.
I headed to the cinema and it was eerily quiet.
There was no one around.
I went up to the booth to order my ticket and I didn't see anyone in there.
But then the woman popped out of nowhere and nearly gave me a heart attack.
"I'm sorry," she gushed. "I didn't mean to scare you!"
"It's okay," I replied. "I scare easily."
I ordered my ticket and she handed it over. Then she asked if I was getting popcorn.
"Yes," I answered.
"Great," she chirped. "I'm working the concession stand too!"
Only in Wyoming, I guess.
She rushed over and put on a concession stand hat. I had to swallow a giggle back because she reminded me of Kirk, the character in Gilmore Girls , who had more jobs than I could keep count of.
I ordered a small popcorn ("with lots of butter please") and a medium diet coke.
I had SnoCaps tucked away in my purse.
But I'm not about to fork over three dollars for something that I can find for one.
Then I headed for the theater and realized there was only one other woman in there.
I didn't feel like a total loser at least. I mean, she was alone too.
Or so I thought.
A few minutes later a guy joined her.
Then another guy walked in and sat in the back. I didn't see anyone join him.
I wonder if he was watching the movie for tips?
Or I bet he had a crush on Scarlett Johannsen. A lot of men do. Something about her lips?
Trivia questions were appearing across the screen. From that, I learned that we blink our eyes an average of 6.2 million times in a lifetime.
That's a whole lotta blinking.
Then the previews started. While those were blaring across the screen, I dumped my SnoCaps in the popcorn.
Mmm, a salty and sweet treat.
Seriously, it rocks.
There were eight previews in all.
There was one for DC Comics or something like that. I'm sorry, but it's hard for me to take a man seriously when he's wearing a cape. Oh, and colorful spandex.
Then the movie started. Jennifer Connolly was in it. Some people may know her from A Beautiful Mind. Me? I know her as Sarah from Labyrinth which was one of my favorite movies as a child.
I nearly expected her to be all, "For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great...you have no POWER over me!"
But that would have made no sense in this particular movie.
The film was enjoyable. And I realized that I was developing a crush on Justin Long. Though I read that he hooked up with Tila Tequilla. I mean, really? Tila TEQUILLA? Didn't she make her potential suitors eat pig's vagina? I remember The Soup making fun of the show and Tila chirped out, "You'll all be eating PIG'S VAGINA!" as though it were the most exciting thing ever.
It probably was. For her.
I admit, I get a kick out of watching people eat disgusting dishes.
After the movie, I headed to Chick-fil-a to pick up my beloved sweet tea.
Oh sweet tea, how I love thee.
Then, back to the house I went.
I'm never sure how the house will look after I've returned. Sometimes it resembles the aftermath of a tornado. So when I walked through the front door, I was surprised when the house was clean.
And that Tom had vacuumed.
"You cleaned," I said in a shocked voice. I walked over to Tom, who was stretched out on the couch watching Spongebob with Natalie on his lap. "You're GROWING UP," I added dramatically. It was probably because of the movie that I was behaving like that. In the movie, some characters grew up. Others...well...they didn't.
"Um?" Tom said, looking confused. "I cleaned because the house was a mess."
"You're growing up," I repeated, kissing his cheek.
"Uh? I guess?" Tom decided to just go along with my nonsense. He's learned it's easier that way.
Then I went into the kitchen and saw that Tommy's homework was done.
"And you had Tommy do his homework!" I shrieked.
Tom followed me in and looked perplexed. "You asked me to," he reminded me.
I threw my arms around him. "I know! And you LISTENED!"
Tom patted my back politely a few times. "Are you okay?"
I kissed his lips. "Thank you for not playing games with me while we were dating."
"You never played games with me while we were dating. You called when you said you'd call. You told me flat out how you felt about me. I'm just saying that I appreciate it," I said with a nod.
Tom's eyebrows knitted together. "Are you feeling okay? Seriously?"
"I'm fine!" I said lightly and scooped Natalie up. She had marched over and was starting to tell me off in her baby language. "I just wanted to say that I appreciate you."
Tom still looked shocked. He stood for a few seconds and scratched his head. Then he shrugged and went, "Well...thanks..." and gave me another bewildered expression before heading for the computer.
I do appreciate him.
Now, if only he could replace the toilet paper roll when he uses the last of it.
Then I could appreciate him even more.