First off, yes, my MySpace was hacked. People have been getting weird e-mails from me. I did not send them. I think they are about a weight loss trial. Come on. You all know I like to eat. I wouldn't participate in any weight loss trial. I'm already abused enough by my WiiFit.
Anyhow, so yesterday was Natalie's birthday.
To celebrate, I took her to one of my favorite stores, Gymboree.
Just to look, I promise!
Plus, okay, they were having a sale. I got word that a bunch of older lines were going to be $9.99 and under. And I figured it wouldn't hurt to glance at what was on sale.
So Natalie and I headed to the mall. Whenever I go to the mall I get a sweet tea from Chick-fil-a. They have amazing sweet tea. I could drink their sweet tea all day. I could even compose a song about sweet tea. It would go something like this:
Chick-fil-a sweet tea!
How I love thee!
You make me squeal with glee!
Oh, I just love the tea!
Yeah, so okay.
Obviously writing songs is not my forte. I get it.
The bottom line is that I love the tea.
I walked past Gymboree in order to get to Chick-fil-a and I craned my neck to see what was going on inside.
And fine, to make sure other customers weren't going through the sale rack and taking my items.
I did see a customer flipping through a rack and she even took an adorable shirt off and examined it closer. My heart started to race.
Hey! That's MY shirt! I found myself thinking.
Then my Voice of Reason popped up and I HATE my Voice of Reason. It was all, "Amber. You have enough. Who cares if that lady buys the shirt?"
Yes but. It's pink. With stripes. And there's a bon bon on the front.
"Amber. Who cares? You have enough!" my Voice of Reason argued with me.
I was so busy staring indignantly at the customer that I collided right into a sign advertising pretzels at Pretzelmaker.
That's the sound it made when the stroller smashed into it.
Poor Natalie, she had covered her face and braced for impact. Then she turned around and started telling me off in her own language. It sounded something like this:
"Bwa mama be me ow na ma!"
Translated I think she said: "Buy me that pink striped shirt with the bon bon on front."
She was probably telling me to watch where I was going because she didn't want to have a scar. Then when her future boyfriends would ask where she got the scar she'd be all, "Oh. Mom was staring into Gymboree and collided with a pretzel sign."
I promised Natalie that I'd pay more attention and tried to pretend that I never ran into a sign at all. Even though a guy sitting at one of the nearby tables was chuckling into his fist. I saw him pull out his cell phone and his fingers started moving quickly over it. He probably texted a friend:
GRL RAN INTO PRTZL SIGN! LOL!
Luckily there wasn't a line at Chick-fil-a. Because I had to get back to Gymboree before the lady BOUGHT MY BON BON SHIRT!
Well, Natalie's bon bon shirt.
I've never fully understood why children's clothing are more exciting to me than adult clothing.
Maybe because they're so tiny.
The young male Chick-fil-a worker took my order and looked surprised that all I wanted was a sweet tea.
"You don't want a sandwich with that?" he inquired.
I shook my head rapidly. "No. Just the sweet tea," I said in a rushed tone.
BON BON SHIRT. BONBONSHIRT!
"Are you sure--" he began again.
"Just the sweet tea please!" I cut him off.
He looked stunned. But then he turned on his heel and marched off towards the tea.
I did watch to make sure he didn't spit into it.
And really, I wasn't trying to be rude but it's all, suppose I was trying to watch my weight?
And here he is trying to tempt me with a chicken sandwich!
Then I'd have been all, "Stop being a food pusher, cashier," and that would have insulted him even more.
He handed me the sweet tea and I pressed two dollar bills into his palm.
Then I started to hurry off.
"Ma'am! Your change!" the cashier shouted at my retreating back.
"Keep it for a job well done!" I shouted.
"GEE THANKS. A whole quarter!" was his sarcastic reply.
But whatever. I had to get back to Gymboree.
So I walked at top speed back to the store and by the time I got there I was out of breath and panting.
The Gymboree worker looked up from her spot behind the cash register and raised an eyebrow as I walked past her breathing sharply.
"Good morning!" she finally said. "We haven't seen you in awhile."
Now, she's not my favorite Gymboree worker but she's nice enough.
"I...heard.....sale..." I gasped out.
"On that rack back there. We don't have a lot left though," the Gymboree worker explained.
She gestured to a tiny rack where that customer had been looking at the bon bon shirt.
That customer wasn't there anymore.
Did she buy the bon bon shirt?
I hurried over to the rack and went through the clothes.
No bon bon shirt.
There it was, at the very end. She had put it with the size 5 stuff even though it was a size 18-24. Could she not read the signs? Or maybe she was trying to HIDE it so no one else would buy it.
But who really cared? I had the shirt!
My heart leapt with joy.
I took it from the rack and showed Natalie.
"Look! And it's in your size!" I told her.
But Natalie wasn't there. No. She had climbed out of the stroller and was sitting under another rack of clothes.
"Petty," she told me seriously, holding onto a yellow tutu.
Which, oh my gosh, it WAS pretty. And it WAS on sale but not the $9.99 sale.
"We're not getting the tutu today," I explained to Natalie.
My fingers reached out to touch it.
Ooo beautiful tutu. How I wish I could buy thee. But I mustn't.
And then I started to think.
You have a 20% off coupon. That would make the tutu sixteen dollars.
But then the Voice of Reason returned.
"Natalie has enough tutus. She doesn't need another one."
But it's YELLOW! And Natalie LOVES it!
My Voice of Reason wouldn't relent. "Natalie loves anything that's puffy."
Which IS true.
A girl can never have enough tutus, right? I mean, Sarah Jessica Parker wore one on Sex and the City for goodness sakes!
"The tutu goes perfectly with that shirt," the Gymboree worker spoke up, gesturing to an adorable top that read: 'Cute as a bug.'
Natalie IS cute as a bug. Really, she is.
The outfit would be PERFECT for her. It would--
"Amber," my Voice of Reason cut in. "She doesn't NEED it. She has plenty of shirts with the word 'cute' on it."
But it's cute as a BUG!
"SHE DOESN'T NEED THE *%%#&@&* outfit!!!"
Woah. My Voice of Reason was pissed.
So I had to pass on the outfit. Believe me, it wasn't easy.
I just ended up with the bon bon shirt and a few shirts that I found for Tommy for $3.99.
Goodbye, yellow tutu.
I have some pictures of Natalie opening some of her presents:
When she woke first woke up we opened a few presents. Here she was checking out her new Princess doll.
Tommy got impatient on how slowly Natalie opened her presents. So he started opening them for her.
Natalie got a creepy Plex toy.
Look at Tommy's expression when the Plex toy started to sing. That's basically my expression throughout the entire Yo Gabba Gabba program.
I started to take all the toys from the packages. Those plastic ties are evil.
Natalie tried on her DJ Lance hat and glasses. On the show The Soup it says that DJ Lance looks like a Russian Steve Urkel. That's so true.
After bathtime Natalie got a few more presents. Tommy was explaining to Natalie that she was no longer a baby and that's why she didn't get any baby toys. Natalie is all "Yeah yeah, whatevs."
Natalie did not blow out her own candles. She tried to put them out with her palm. I went, "Oh my GOD!" because I'm overly dramatic like that and Tom went, "Thanks for screeching in my ear. Now they're ringing."
Natalie ate all of two pieces of cake before saying, "All done!"
She's just always going to be skinny I suppose. I was all, "But Natalie, all that frosting.." and she gave me a stern look and repeated, "All DONE!" in a firm voice.