Thursday, May 7, 2009

Bug Eyes and Plastic Vs

So I watched that Twilight movie last weekend.

I wish I could say that I loved it.

It seems to be what most people say, right? Or they’ll gush about Edward and say things like, “Edward can bite me whenever he wants!”

Edward better stay away from me or I’ll bash him over the head with my purse. And it would hurt because I have all sorts of crap in my purse at the moment. Yes, I’m one of those ladies who collects STUFF. What of it?

If a guy looked at me like this I’d be terrified:

I mean, look at those bug eyes! If someone stared at me like that I’d glance around the room nervously and inquire what they were looking at.

And if the response was a sultry, “You,” then I’d get up and leave.

Thems crazy eyes, people! CRAZY EYES.

If my husband gazed at me like that then I’d ask if I had something caught in my teeth and was that his polite way of telling me?

“Because no offense Tom, but when your eyes take up half of your face it’s sort of frightening...” I’d say with a shrug.

This also bothered me:

Okay, my medical knowledge is limited. I admit this. Most of my information comes from shows like ER , Grey’s Anatomy and Scrubs.

But, okay, when someone is injured and has to have one of those nose oxygen things, doesn’t it go behind the ears and around the face?

Sort of like this:

Wait, I found an actual picture since I can't paint worth a darn:

It was really distracting to see a plastic tube in the shape of a V stuck against Bella’s face while she talked to Edward.

Did that not bother anyone else?

I couldn’t take the scene seriously because BELLA HAD A PLASTIC V ON HER FACE!

A few times the tube would be over her eye and then I’d get the giggles because, oh my gosh, Bella is moaning to Edward that he can’t leave her but she has a PLASTIC V over her retina.

I realize this movie was low budget but could they not fix the oxygen tube? I imagine Grey’s Anatomy has a bunch of the regular ones in their prop department that they would be willing to lend out.

Needless to say, I will not be watching the movie again.


  1. You are way too observant! But so funny at the same time! I actually thought the movie was ok, but I did not see it in the theatres...I waited for PPV. I will not be rushing out to see the next one either!

  2. OMG I was laughing so hard at your observations. NOT a Twilight fan. Hated the book and don't have any interest in seeing the movie. Especially now.

    Did the movie manage to get across the point that was made ad naseum in the book that Edward's skin was cold and marble-like? I think it was mentioned on every other page, lest we forgot.

  3. I noticed that she blinked A LOT and it drove me nuts.

    I also don't think he's that hot. His face looks smooshed in!

  4. LOLOLOLOL... you already know what I thought about the movie. I probably won't watch it again (but we have it) ... I think the Edward in my head is much better looking, I don't think they found an actor who really did HIM justice, to who he was in the book. I still haven't read book 3. I like the books and all, but apparently - I can *not* read it too.

  5. Ya that is funny. All the girls at school think that he is so hot but I personaly think that he is hedeious! I herd that they got a new director and producer for New Moon so it will be better but I didnt like the book of New Moon so, well becuase if you have read the book you'll know why but I hope it will be better then Twilight.

  6. I liked the books, and thought the movie was okay (my fifteen year old was COMPLETELY enamoured of the movie), but even more than the IV, the incessant blinking drove me crazy in the hospital scene. It was like she had an errant eyelash she couldn't get rid of, but she was so over-the-top smitten with Edward that she forgot she had hands she could use to fish out the offending lash.

  7. THANK YOU! I thought I was the only one who didn't like the movie!!!

    I really liked the books... got hooked to them but the movie was a major disappointment. Maybe it is because I read the book first so i was expecting this or that to happen and they never did. And in the movie... JASPER... whats wrong with his eyes? Is that the Marc guy from Ugly Betty? Whatever, the point was the movie really disappointed me!!!!

  8. Don't get me started on this Twilight business. I'm afraid to say anything to bad, because wack job fans will come out of the cave. In the movie, I at least didn't feel as if I had to shake some sense into Bella to quite the same degree. And I like the pale, weird hair business, but someone needed to hand Edward a brush.

  9. I decided to read the books after they were recommended to me and they were really good. So I had to see the movie. I was so dissappointed! They left so much out and change key things in the movie!!!

  10. My daughter loves that you are creeped out by Edward. She and her friend hate Twilight! They got a teen magazine the other day and there was a picture of Him and they drew horns and a mustache on him! Silly Girls!

    Thanks also for clearing up that oxygen thing. I loved that! You are such a funny girl!:0)

  11. I don't know how I stumbled upon your blog, but it's hilarious. I check everyday. You have such a good outlook on things. One of my favs was the poop story. Thanks for a good laugh!

  12. I just don't get the Twilight hoopla!

    But this post?! Hilarious. i'm glad I took the time to read the book and see the movie so that I could laugh my way through this!

  13. I love you. I've been quiet through out the whole Twilight thing b/c I know everyone else is obsessed but... BLEAH!

  14. Mmmm... Edward. Yes, he can bite me any time. In fact, I'm drinking my coffee from a mug at this very moment that says, "BITE ME (Edward only, please)" Uh huh, I'm a dork like that.
    Since you're so observant, did you also notice that at the beginning of the movie, they had Bella's eyes made up with lots of blue-purple shadow so that she looked like the walking dead, but then as the movie went on, her makeup and eyes were more normal? What the hell????? That's the one thing about the movie that drove me crazy. WHY those sick eyes at the beginning? She wasn't sick! Then she starts hangin' with the vamps and suddenly she looks healthy? Weird. But I loved it, and loved the books more.

    Justine :o )


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