Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Chocolate to the Rescue!

So how was your long weekend?

Did you BBQ?

Did you go camping and relax and eat S’mores?

If you did, then I’m totally jealous.

Want to know what I did?


Absolutely nothing.

Well, I cleaned the house and reminded the kids to use their indoor voices at least a bazillion times.

I would have shoved them outside but it was rainy all weekend. Don’t the Weather Gods comprehend that long weekends must be pleasant and sunny?

On Memorial Day I called up my husband to thank him for his service.

“What do you want to buy?” he asked warily.

Oh my God! I was totally being nice and thanking him for his service in the Air Force and he’s asking me what I want?? Can’t I just be nice and not want something?

“No,” Tom replied when I asked him this. “So what do you want?”

“Nothing!” I shrieked. “I’m just thanking you for your service. It’s MUCH appreciated.”

Okay, if I’m being totally honest there are a few books I want. But it’s nothing I need now.

“Thanks....I guess.....” Tom said, still sounding as though he didn’t believe that I didn’t want anything.

“So what are you doing today?” I wondered politely. I imagined that he’d say that he was just lying around and watching TV.

Instead he said, “Oh, I’m going to lunch with your Mom and then we’re going to the outlet mall.”

I nearly dropped the phone.



With MY Mother?

(My parents live near where Tom is taking his class so he usually goes up to stay with them over the weekend.)

“Oh,” I said in a strangled voice. “That must be....nice....”

I was seething. What’s this business about going to the outlet mall? Without me? He doesn’t even APPRECIATE the outlet malls. All he wants to shop at is this boring Black and Decker store and then he’s all, “Well I’m done.” Oh and he has to get a chocolate apple from The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. But then that’s it.

Me, I could stay all day. I go to Carters, Oshkosh, Gymboree, Gap, The Children’s Place.....the list goes on and on and on.

And lunch! All I was having was some boring macaroni and cheese.

“I’ll still take you to the outlet mall when you visit,” Tom promised.

But now he’s going to be extra rushed because he’s already BEEN to the outlet malls. So he’ll do a quick sweep of the tool store and when he sees nothing new has arrived he’ll be badgering me to finish up and I’ll be screaming, “If you rush me I’m going to hit you over the head with my purse, so help me God, Tom!”

If people think that Kate from Jon and Kate plus 8 is mean then they should see me when Tom tries to rush me when I’m trying to shop. It’s not a pretty sight.

I hung up a few minutes later. I didn’t want to hear about his exciting day when all I was doing was eating orange macaroni and trying to keep the kids from killing each other.

To cheer myself up, I decided to make brownies. When I make brownies I totally lick the bowl clean. Sure I could get salmonella but it’s never happened before. Plus, Hulk Hogan swallows eggs raw and he’s....well, he’s still breathing.

I gave the kids a spoonful of the batter and then took my bowl and my spoon and tried to hide in the laundry room. See, if the kids saw me happily noshing on the batter, they’d want some more.

So there I was, leaning against the washer and totally pigging out on the chocolate. Oooo, it was delicious. I was in a state of euphoria and I was about to stick another heaping spoonful in my mouth when....

“Mommy! THERE you are!”

Uh oh. Busted.

My son Tommy stood in the doorway and narrowed his eyes at me. He still had his spoon which was now licked clean and started coming at me with it.


What’s he doing?

He already got a bite! Why’s he looking at me like he’s going to get....MORE? This is my chocolate, dammit, and I don’t have to share!

Plus, I’m totally PMSing and when you’re PMSing it cancels out the whole sharing thing, right?

“What are you....doing son?” I asked weakly and quickly put the bowl over my head as Tommy made a move to get more batter.

“I want more,” he told me simply and tried to jump to reach the bowl.

At that moment Natalie rushed into the room with her spoon out.



Okay. Think. THINK. I had to distract these kids so they wouldn’t eat my batter.

“How about we have some Hershey’s Kisses?” I asked in a high pitched voice to make it seem like this was an exciting offer.

Because Natalie is two, she fell for it. She clapped her hands and went, “Cah-co-dat!” and dropped her spoon on the floor.

But Tommy is seven and doesn’t fall for things like that anymore. He gave me a stern look and went, “I don’t WANT a Hershey’s Kiss. I want that.” And he gestured to my bowl.

In the end I gave him another bite. But then I quickly finished the rest and when he asked for more I told him in a sad voice (with cheeks stuffed with chocolate), “I’m sorry, son. It’s all gone.”

Tom called me a few minutes later and I was feeling sated from the chocolate mix so it didn’t hurt as badly that he was shopping without me.

“You’ll be proud of me. I just bought two chocolate apples,” Tom said.

That is a huge feat. I can’t just go to the outlet mall and buy apples.

“Did you at least go to Gymboree and think about me?” I asked hopefully. I had pictured Tom wistfully stepping into Gymboree and gazing around the store and then his heart would clench because he realized how much he missed me....

“Um. No,” Tom said, clearly confused.


It's all good, though. I had my chocolate and I was still on a high from that so I wasn't insulted.


  1. You made me want some brownie mix something terrible here!

    I would be mad if my hubby went shopping without me....

  2. Ahhhh yes a chocolate coma I know them well... Glad you had a good weekend sweetie!

  3. I had to read it twice... you made brownies and licked the leftovers? Or, did you just eat the batter without cooking any brownies???

    Please tell me it was the first choice.

  4. OMG we could so go shopping together!

    And yes, there is nothing better than brownie batter. Screw the risk of salmonella... it's worth it!

  5. Mmmm...brownie batter. So thick, so rich and so downstairs in a box above my stove. I just pounded three oreos behind my kid's back and now I'm gonna to have to make brownie batter. I mean, with all of your PMS and shopping withdrawal I couldn't live with myself if I knew I could eat raw chocolate to support you and didn't.

  6. If you can out do Kate, then you are one mean mama! So glad to call you a friend! LOL

  7. hahahaha...I hide and do not share too!! Actually, I pull the adult/child thing and say mommy is allowed to have more. ;)

  8. Men! Chocolate is really a fix all isn't it!

  9. mmmmmmmmm - brownie batter.....

    My husband would never shop without me. My husband would never spend time with my mother without me.

    True story: he had a vasectomy because having me be the one to take care of permanent birth control would have necessitated a lengthy visit from my mother while I recovered. Yep. He'd be snipped before he'd spend extra time with my mom...

    So you've got that, anyway...

  10. You and my wife should go to the outlet mall together...you just listed all the stores she goes to...she is obsessed with clothes for our daughter.

  11. love brownie batter. hate sharing. do you know that kate gets FREE shopping at GYMBOREE?!?!?! i just read that today and my head about exploded. i totally thought of you, too, but felt kinda weird, stalkerish if i just emailed you about it. i am so glad that you posted about both of them at the same time! it made me seem much less creepy!

  12. kids with spoons. thanks for the memories. We all loved unbaked goods at our house, especially any with chokat. Cookie dough and brownie mix has gotten us thru all kinds of troubles.

  13. Oh my--- for years my mom has teased me about the cakes I bake. No matter what I do, what I use... my cakes never rise high enough. They are always less than 1 inch tall when baking is finished. For years she's been trying to figure out WHAT I am doing wrong... because I am a pretty good cook, really... Well... I LOVE cake batter and I realize now that I may have been eating a few too many large spoonfuls before baking. Oops. She still doesn't know!!! And you better not tell her! ;-)

  14. I have never introduced the cake batter to my daughter so that I dont have to share it!

  15. outlet mall s- only two apples! Lucky guy hugh?

  16. I made choc chip cookies last night... just so I could like the bowl and wooden spoon.


  17. This is so cute! I have to go hide with a huge piece of chocolate cake with strawberries and whipped cream on top. Yum-yum; strawberry chocolate cake.

  18. Oh i love batter, but i have cherry chip, cake batter, stingy, psycho mom, hiding in the garage, you cant have any, get the hell away from me, moments with the kitchen aid bowl.

    salmonella .. gimme a break! like it sits around long enough to go bad.

    oh theres and outlet mall im dying to get to. banana republic, entire store %40 off.. guuuuurrrrl... lets go! you can mail your credit card bill to my house and ill mail mine to yours...

  19. hmmm RMCF Chocolate Apples.. mmmmm I am all disoriented and confused now.. mmm yummy!

  20. The chocolate report was ALL (entirely completely) MY doing! Baking lends itself wonderfully to science experiments. You should keep this in the back of your head for future use. People love it. The end result is a happy teacher(from the seratonin from endorphic releases from chocolate) and audience and an A+!

    Myself I don't like brownie batter. I could easily bring my brownie pan and lock myself in the bathroom, turn on the shower (without actually getting in), sit on the can and shovel brownies into my face... or eat them in bad at midnight when everyone else is sound asleep...

    Sorry your weekend was so crappy!

  21. Just proves my point that chocolate is vital to emotional health. When we make brownies I'm always careful to have an extra can of frosting on hand. It goes into the fridge and then comes back out...on my spoon...once the kids are safely asleep. Ahhh Chocolate.

    Great post!

  22. Oh my gosh. Last night I was trying to decide whether to have a glass of wine or some chocolate chip cookie dough in the peace and quiet of 6 kiddos in bed and a stack of papers to grade.

    I had the wine.


    Then, didn't feel the guilt of the chocolate chip cookie dough...

    Thanks for the laugh. I appreciate you telling!

  23. stopping by via SITS. I call it Back packing the blogosphere ( I do that when I get bored...:))

    Anyhoodle, cute blog, still looking around!!

    Have a nice day.

  24. Well that doesn't sound like much fun!

    Whatever would we do without our dear friend, chocolate?!

  25. I TOTALLY know how you feel about hiding with the chocolate! Ben makes fun of me all the time b/c not only do I hide food from people, I label it. And if I'm eating my hidden food and someone dares to speak or look at me...

    Death becomes them.

  26. i have never got salmonella from licking a bowl of batter...cause i eat it waaay to fast and i dont share...i hide in the bathtub...lol

  27. Your husband so owes you for shopping without you. How is it men can easily shop with someone else but have the patience of a gnat when it comes to us.

    I've found instead of using cooking oil in the brownies I use Olive Oil. Not only is it better for you the brownies are richer and moister. I confess I only make them when I'm alone so I don't have to share the batter, the temptation is there to just eat the batter and forego the brownies altogether. I've even done the finger in the bowl licking (winks).

  28. I feel your pain! Why do men do that. My husband calls me and tell's me what a nice meal he is eating. When he knows that I am home eating another peanutbutter sandwich with the kids. Get real guys. Then out shopping and lunch with your mom. OUCH! I would definitely be in the brownines. I tell my kids all the time it is ok. It builds up our immunity to salminella. We haven't died yet. It's the best. My mouth is watering now just thinking about it.


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