I fly to Texas tomorrow.
I hate to fly.
I hate to pack.
Tom called me when I was in the middle of packing. I was surrounded by clothes and snack foods to take on the plane and various entertainment items to whip out if the kids lose their minds.
“You ready?” he asked.
I stared at the mess that circled me. “Erm...kind of...” I lied.
“Remember, you don’t need much,” Tom reminded me.
Poor confused Tom. What’s this business about NOT NEEDING MUCH? I tapped my chin as I gazed at different outfits for Natalie. Of course I had to bring the cutest clothes to show her off in.
“I just need to find a way to fit Natalie’s zoo outfit...” I muttered. I didn’t mean for Tom to overhear but he did.
“Excuse me? Did you just say a ZOO outfit?” he said incredulously.
“You know,” I said casually. “The outfit she’s going to wear for the zoo. It’s a giraffe print skirt with a monkey top.”
Is that not normal? Don’t people put their kids in clothes in accordance to where they are going?
I guess it’s not normal. Because Tom went, “Amber. Natalie doesn’t NEED a zoo outfit. She can wear anything. No one will care.”
Okay fine, so no one will care. But I like putting them in cute outfits. It’s a sickness. Some women are obsessed with shoes. Some women go crazy in Sephora. I go crazy for clothes for my children.
“The zoo outfit is coming,” I said stubbornly. I managed to shove it into the bag.
Did I mention that when my Mom was visiting that she took a suitcase of clothes for us back with her so I wouldn’t have to worry about checking anything in? I think I put 5 outfits each for us in there. Tom claims that this is enough and that we can just re-wash the outfits when we run out since we’re staying for two weeks.
“WHAT?” I shrieked when he mentioned this.
My poor husband is deranged. Re-wash only FIVE outfits? No way.
I poked around at the stuff in front of me. I needed to get rid of some of it.
“Do you care if I smell like a peach?” I asked Tom as I fingered my lotion.
“HUH?” Tom boomed.
It really is fun confusing my husband on a daily basis. I took that as a no and threw the lotion across the room.
Okay. One thing down….about twenty more to go…
“I’m not bringing my sexy underwear,” I told Tom as I touched the black lacy material.
“Why?” Tom wondered, crestfallen. He always makes fun of the cotton underwear that I usually have on.
“Um because Tom, I’m not going to be standing there in the security line as they go through my luggage and look at me as though I’m a complete hussy when thongs show up on their screen,” I explained.
“At this point Amber, I really don’t care what you wear,” Tom said bluntly. He’s seriously been behaving like a horny teenager these past few weeks.
To be perfect honest, I’m more excited about going out without the kids. Mom is going to take them overnight on Friday so Tom and I can spend time together. His Mom and two other family members are coming down so we’ll be going on the Riverwalk and eating a nice meal—do you know how thrilling it is to not have to cut up someone else’s meat? To be able to dive into your food RIGHT WHEN IT ARRIVES?
“Aren’t you excited about going out with the kids?” I keep saying to Tom.
“I’m more excited about getting into your pants,” Tom always answers.
If he had his way we’d just stay in the hotel room the entire time.
Of course I miss Tom IN THAT WAY….but after been stuck with two children who climb all over you and basically make a gigantic mess on a daily basis, I’m not really in a sexual mood.
I just want to get OUT.
“Are you excited about going to the Riverwalk?” I asked Tom as I tried to shove a bunch of things in my backpack.
“You know what I’m excited about,” Tom replied in a suggestive manner.
“Well, I’m excited about going to the Riverwalk without the kids. I don’t have to worry about one of them jumping into the river,” I said as I struggled to zip the backpack.
“But don’t you miss....us?” Tom said in a sad voice. I’m sorry, but sometimes my husband acts like a total GIRL. What he wanted me to say was, “Yes Tom. All I want to do is bow chicka bow bow all night long. To hell with Riverwalk and enjoying a meal in peace and seeing a movie afterwards.” But I’m not going to say this. Because I need to get out. My sanity depends on it.
The good news is, I finally managed to get everything to fit in my bag. Of course my backpack probably weighs like 20 pounds but you know, I could use the exercise. I can pretend like I’m on some mountain expedition or something.
I should still be able to blog while I’m there. I’m bringing Pepto, my pink laptop. Oh my God. PEPTO. I nearly forgot Pepto. Thank goodness I thought about it.
Okay, don’t panic, but I have no room left. Where or where is Pepto going to GO? I wonder if I can stuff her in my son’s backpack? Hrm…surely he doesn’t need ALL those Transformers…
*Five minutes later*
Okay, apparently my son DOES need all those Transformers. I asked if he could hold my laptop and take out a few because one boy does NOT need 3 different versions of Bumblebee but he was all, “MOMMY! I NEED those!”
I need to go figure this out now.
Wish me luck.