Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I'm Texas Bound

I fly to Texas tomorrow.

I’m nervous.

I hate to fly.

I hate to pack.

Tom called me when I was in the middle of packing. I was surrounded by clothes and snack foods to take on the plane and various entertainment items to whip out if the kids lose their minds.

“You ready?” he asked.

I stared at the mess that circled me. “Erm...kind of...” I lied.

“Remember, you don’t need much,” Tom reminded me.

Poor confused Tom. What’s this business about NOT NEEDING MUCH? I tapped my chin as I gazed at different outfits for Natalie. Of course I had to bring the cutest clothes to show her off in.

“I just need to find a way to fit Natalie’s zoo outfit...” I muttered. I didn’t mean for Tom to overhear but he did.

“Excuse me? Did you just say a ZOO outfit?” he said incredulously.


“You know,” I said casually. “The outfit she’s going to wear for the zoo. It’s a giraffe print skirt with a monkey top.”

Is that not normal? Don’t people put their kids in clothes in accordance to where they are going?

I guess it’s not normal. Because Tom went, “Amber. Natalie doesn’t NEED a zoo outfit. She can wear anything. No one will care.”

Okay fine, so no one will care. But I like putting them in cute outfits. It’s a sickness. Some women are obsessed with shoes. Some women go crazy in Sephora. I go crazy for clothes for my children.

“The zoo outfit is coming,” I said stubbornly. I managed to shove it into the bag.

Did I mention that when my Mom was visiting that she took a suitcase of clothes for us back with her so I wouldn’t have to worry about checking anything in? I think I put 5 outfits each for us in there. Tom claims that this is enough and that we can just re-wash the outfits when we run out since we’re staying for two weeks.

“WHAT?” I shrieked when he mentioned this.

My poor husband is deranged. Re-wash only FIVE outfits? No way.

I poked around at the stuff in front of me. I needed to get rid of some of it.

“Do you care if I smell like a peach?” I asked Tom as I fingered my lotion.

“HUH?” Tom boomed.

It really is fun confusing my husband on a daily basis. I took that as a no and threw the lotion across the room.

Okay. One thing down….about twenty more to go…

“I’m not bringing my sexy underwear,” I told Tom as I touched the black lacy material.

“Why?” Tom wondered, crestfallen. He always makes fun of the cotton underwear that I usually have on.

“Um because Tom, I’m not going to be standing there in the security line as they go through my luggage and look at me as though I’m a complete hussy when thongs show up on their screen,” I explained.

“At this point Amber, I really don’t care what you wear,” Tom said bluntly. He’s seriously been behaving like a horny teenager these past few weeks.

To be perfect honest, I’m more excited about going out without the kids. Mom is going to take them overnight on Friday so Tom and I can spend time together. His Mom and two other family members are coming down so we’ll be going on the Riverwalk and eating a nice meal—do you know how thrilling it is to not have to cut up someone else’s meat? To be able to dive into your food RIGHT WHEN IT ARRIVES?

“Aren’t you excited about going out with the kids?” I keep saying to Tom.

“I’m more excited about getting into your pants,” Tom always answers.

If he had his way we’d just stay in the hotel room the entire time.

Of course I miss Tom IN THAT WAY….but after been stuck with two children who climb all over you and basically make a gigantic mess on a daily basis, I’m not really in a sexual mood.

I just want to get OUT.

“Are you excited about going to the Riverwalk?” I asked Tom as I tried to shove a bunch of things in my backpack.

“You know what I’m excited about,” Tom replied in a suggestive manner.

Oh for---geez.

“Well, I’m excited about going to the Riverwalk without the kids. I don’t have to worry about one of them jumping into the river,” I said as I struggled to zip the backpack.

“But don’t you miss....us?” Tom said in a sad voice. I’m sorry, but sometimes my husband acts like a total GIRL. What he wanted me to say was, “Yes Tom. All I want to do is bow chicka bow bow all night long. To hell with Riverwalk and enjoying a meal in peace and seeing a movie afterwards.” But I’m not going to say this. Because I need to get out. My sanity depends on it.

The good news is, I finally managed to get everything to fit in my bag. Of course my backpack probably weighs like 20 pounds but you know, I could use the exercise. I can pretend like I’m on some mountain expedition or something.

I should still be able to blog while I’m there. I’m bringing Pepto, my pink laptop. Oh my God. PEPTO. I nearly forgot Pepto. Thank goodness I thought about it.

Okay, don’t panic, but I have no room left. Where or where is Pepto going to GO? I wonder if I can stuff her in my son’s backpack? Hrm…surely he doesn’t need ALL those Transformers…

*Five minutes later*

Okay, apparently my son DOES need all those Transformers. I asked if he could hold my laptop and take out a few because one boy does NOT need 3 different versions of Bumblebee but he was all, “MOMMY! I NEED those!”

I need to go figure this out now.

Wish me luck.


  1. AW, how cute is that. I NEED THOSE TRANSFORMERS! I know, my nephew was the same way when he was into them. Now it's all about I NEED MY Nintendo DDS! (is that what you call it?)

    You never know. Once you see Tom, you may start feeling like a woman again, not just a Mommy. SO you may end up ditching the Riverwalk without meaning to. I'm just saying...

  2. use a bigger purse to hold the laptop?

    and yes she NEEDS a zoo outfit. my son had an aquarium outfit for our vacay and was the cutest boy there. I noticed.

  3. I am praying for a safe,uneventful flight for you! I hope you have a wonderful time!

  4. I hope you have a great vacation.

    I think a night out without kids to enjoy a quiet meal and actually be able to digest your food will get the bow chicka wow wow juices flowin'!

    Hey, it works for me!!

  5. Aw, how much room could sexy black lacy underwear take? It surely doesn't weigh much. :)

    Poor Tom, but hey, he's waited for weeks, surely he can wait through an evening filled with a river walk, dinner for two, and a movie?

    And YES - you can't leave any transformer behind. I know you can't. You just can't...

  6. I totally know what you mean about over packing! You should see . . . A three-day trip to Vegas takes anywhere between two and three bags. One bag for my clothes (jeans, shorts, sweaters, dress shirts, t-shirts, polo shirts, et al). One bag for my hair stuff (gel, hairspray, molding wax, texturizer, shampoo, conditioner, blow dryer, flat iron, et al), body stuff (lotion, razor, bodywash, toothbrush, toothpaste, et al), along with my underwear and socks. A third bag for shoes (yes shoes!) and other incidentals: flip flops, converse, dress shoes, phone charger, etc. Why all this luggage? Because you never know what may come up.

  7. You can never have too many shoes for a trip, as I soon discovered.

    Have a great time!

  8. Girl, I soooo know what you mean. I actually thought I did pretty good this past trip thinking I'll use all the clothes I brought for the kid and me. Nope. Maybe half was used.


    I think you should just strap the laptop to your chest. :)

    Oh and have a freaking awesome night not cutting anyone's meat but your own, eating the meal from start to finish in one sitting, not wondering if someone is going to fall into water, watching a movie (oh you lucky gal)...and then you know. :)

  9. Sending prayers for your uneventful flight.

  10. Oh the pepto IS so important. Hope ya figured that one out. And have a great time OUT and take pictures! (while you are out of course, not in)

  11. Oh I ALWAYS dress Maggie for specific occasions! I just ordered her special t-shirt for her birthday, already got her 4th of July outfit and have been known to get her something that she will only wear for an hour tops.

    Good luck flying and have fun on your "no kids" night out! That is really something to look forward to!

  12. You mean it is possible to go out to eat and not color on the table? Dear God, I think I have completely forgotten what that experience is like.

    You'll have to take your darling Pepto and tell me what life is like on the "outside." Throw a girl a bone and maybe even take a picture of two.



  13. I totally understand the zoo outfit!! You will look at that picture for years with her in the most adorable little clothes!! Don't call all "Kate" on the dude. Just pack when he is not looking!!

  14. Have a fabulous, fun, safe, sexy, wonderful time. Pack the lingerie - it won't take too much room and you and your hubby deserve it!

  15. You know, I bet they sell Pepto in Texas. Just saying...

    And I love that you have a zoo outfit for the zoo. They don't let them in unless they are dressed like an animal I think!

    And I love how he is in it for sex and you are in it to just be free of kids. Well, I'm sure you can get the business over with quickly and then get the heck out to the Riverwalk.

    Have so much fun!

  16. You even manage to make packing sound hysterical! I love it!

    Have a fabulous, safe, happy, trip...and for goodness sakes use that alone time with the hubs wisely. ;-)

  17. Lol!

    Yes, I totally have specific outfits that I put the kids I nanny for in for specific things, like the zoo!

  18. Lol. Of course she need the zoo outfit! Duh! And she needs the matching shoes, hair clips, and sunglasses. Somethings are just not up for debate. Just bring one pair of sexy panties. Tell him he can wash them everyday for 2 weeks =)

  19. i'm a packer repacker kinda gal. I'm getting better about it but not really that much better. I always tell my kids if they pack it they carry it. Usually they don't even get to the car with it so it all works out ... have a safe and fun trip!

  20. My husband says I always over pack. But he usually packs for only 3 days - and says we'll wash clothes! Who wants to wash clothes every 3 days!

    Have a great trip and try not to cut up your husband's food!

  21. Well, at least we know where your priorities are...and your hubby's.

    Have a great time. And, have a drink on the riverwalk for me.

  22. I hope that you have a great time. Oh and quick, get some sex if first thing (its only going to take a minute) and then your hubby will be happy and will go out with you. It works every time.;)

  23. Nobody likes to do laundry on vacation. . . for what would we do without ourselves if we couldn't complain about the laundry the first three days back home????

  24. LOL! I’m 99.9% purely sure that you do not want to wear the lacy thong thing on the airplane. I believe that the French, as a replacement for the abolished guillotine, invented that particular item. (Shove them in your pocket though.) And enjoy your vacation. Lucky girl! Oh, and I can not wait to hear about it!

  25. I'm soooo insanely jealous Amber! (Not of flying with two kids, though ... eeesh, good luck with that, LOL!) But the thought of an actual DATE NIGHT - and in San Antonio, no less, which I LOVE - would be so very awesome. I hope you have a wonderful time!!

  26. You do a post about pizza and chocolate and let a deprived Indian dweller see it??

    OK so I'm not deprived. But pizza and good chocolate are STILL imports here....

  27. Forget about the Riverwalk I think Tom is going to leave you unable to walk!!Enjoy your hot meal! Safe travels!

  28. I am a big fan of the zoo outfit. om on, photos last forever. So worth it.

  29. Are your husband and my husband long lost brothers? Mine seriously thinks about sex 24/7. He's not even ashamed to admit it.

    Have fun on your trip AND your date night (play hard to get...they always love that!)

  30. i say you bow chika bow bow first thing, get it outta the way. then you can actually enjoy some time alone without the excessive groping and sad girly eyes because you havent done it yet. find a bathroom, a closet, a backseat, just do it and move on!

    i go through this every thursday night when the hubby arrives from his week of work. i know if we git er done it makes life so much easier.

  31. If I didn't pack my thongs, I'd have nothing to pack. That's all I own!!

    Hallie :)

  32. OMG, I am the same way with my kids' clothes on vacation. Especially if we are going to see family members who we haven't seen in a while, then I make sure I dress them in outfits given to them by that particular family member. And as for your husband, yeah, that's mine, too!

    Have a great vacation!
    (Thanks for stopping by the other day!)

  33. have a safe trip! and, if you have a zoo outfit and you are going to the zoo, it would be criminal not to put natalie in it! how could anyone think otherwise?

  34. Have a fun safe, sexed trip! I flew to Texas (Dallas) by myself with a 3&4 year old in March. It was insane the amount of stuff I "needed". And the appropriate outfit for outings is a must. Is Riverwalk in Shreveport, LA? We visited there while we were down there. Loved it!

  35. All men are the same....so funny! I would totally notice a zoo themed outfit if I saw you at the zoo so yes, it's necessary! I'm leaving you an award on my blog today..have a wonderful trip!

  36. you need to take your laptop over sexy panties!! have fun though!!

  37. Have a fabulous trip!!!

    Your husband doesn't seem to care what kid of undies you have on so take em out, go commando and pack the Pepto :)

  38. Hope you have a wonderful trip! Looking forward to hearing about your night out without kids...well just he dinner and movie...not the bow chicka bow bow part!

  39. Happy travels! Enjoy your adult time!!!!

  40. Men. They just don't get it.

    Well, your "I fly to TX tomorrow" was yesterday... so you should be there by now... hope you made it ok! Flying makes me nervous, too... but I've never had to do it with kids in tow!

  41. I don't envy you at all! We're going to Flordia with Ben's parents for a week. I've got to find a way to shove sundresses, shoes, swimsuits, workout gear and tolitries into a BACKPACK. Our suitcases are too big for the nazi airlines and I'm terrified of checking luggage.

  42. I've left an award for you on my blog!


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