Monday, July 27, 2009

Adventures in Super Target

“So what did I miss?” I asked my husband Tom as I hung up the phone with my mother. We’ll be flying back to Texas on Saturday for our beach trip so we were discussing that.

“Oh man, shit hit the fan!” Tom gushed, waving his arms in the air. “The house found out that Ronnie was playing both sides!”

He was telling me about the reality show Big Brother. It’s a program that he claims to hate, yet he seemed pretty excited as he explained to me that the house was in an uproar and people were shouting at Ronnie, especially Russell.

I’m amused that he even knows the names.

He always mocks me for watching it—“this show is awful, people always cry, blah blah blah”—but he still ends up watching.

But there is one thing for sure that I know he doesn’t like.

And that’s shopping.

We went to Fort Collins over the weekend because they have more stores (and food!) to offer. We take the kids to Toys R Us which I suppose is a store that Tom enjoys because he’s like a big kid.

I’m not going to lie. So am I. I always marvel at how many toys are out and wish that I had a dollhouse with a talking face on it when I was a kid.

Beside Toys R Us is a Super Target which I always drool over when we pass it.

“We have a Target in Cheyenne,” Tom always reminds me.

True. But it’s not a Super Target. It’s just a boring old regular Target.

“I’m just going to quickly pop in and make sure the toys haven’t gone 75% off,” I told Tom on Saturday. The last time I checked a lot of them had gone to 50% off. Suppose they suddenly switch over to 75% off and I miss it?

“Is there such thing as you going into Target quickly?” Tom questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“It can happen!” I said indignantly. “I’m just going to take a gander…”

“Take a gander, my foot. Look, we’ll all go in, okay?” Tom said.


The first thing I noticed about Super Target was that they had better carts. The carts at my regular target are a reddish clunky thing and most of the wheels get stuck. The carts at Super Target were this stylish gray color with a thick handle bar. It was a smooth ride as I pushed it along into the store.

“Aren’t these carts amazing?” I asked Tom brightly.

“It’s a cart, Amber,” he replied dryly.

Okay, he says that but when we go to Lowes he practically does a happy dance over the boring riding lawn mowers. He really wants one. Our yard is too small for a riding lawn mower. But Tom refuses to give up the dream that he might one day get one for his birthday.

Anyhow, I was walking towards the toy section and talking to Tom about our beach trip and was all, “The rooms apparently have a king size bed in them which will be awesome so I don’t have to be shoved by your oversized man feet in the middle of the night…” when I realized he wasn’t beside me.

Did he stomp off since I mentioned his man feet? Maybe he was having an overly sensitive day. I really think men go through their own version of PMS because some weeks Tom will just latch onto everything I say and twist it around into something negative. Like when I asked him to take the trash out a few weeks ago he suddenly got all defensive.

“Do I tell you when to mop the floor?” he demanded.


“No but the trash is overflowing and I’d rather disgusting paper towels didn’t start to litter the floor,” I explained. “Plus it smells.”

“Do I tell YOU when to MOP the floor?” he repeated. A vein started to pop out from his neck. It always starts to protrude when he gets upset. I’ve named it Mr. Veiny.

“Tom, I just explained why I asked you to take the trash out,” I said, rubbing my temples.

He did it but he was in a foul mood for about two hours. This is why I don’t feel too bad when I have my own PMS moments.

“Tom?” I called out, wondering where in the world he took off to in Super Target.

“Tom?” Natalie repeated. She’s been calling us by our first names and we always correct her and explain that no, actually we’re Mom and Dad.

“That’s Daddy to you,” I said and tickled her stomach.

“TOM!” Natalie said again and laughed.

It turns out he was down the car crap aisle. He had one of those ShamWow things in his hands.

“I’m going to use this to wash the truck,” he said as though he hadn’t just pulled a disappearing act.

“Tom, could you tell me when you’re going down an aisle?” I asked sweetly. “I was totally having a conversation with myself about the king sized bed at the beach.”

It was like Tom didn’t even hear me because he was all, “And I’m getting this stuff to wax the truck,” and threw in a bottle called ICE in the cart.

“You do know those ShamWow things don’t work. They tried it on The Today Show and the consensus was that you should just use paper towels,” I pointed out.

Tom thinks everything that is offered for sale on the TV actually works.

“I want to try it,” Tom said stubbornly.

I let it drop. He can learn for himself that ShamWows are crap.

Then we got into the toy section and there were no further sales. Boo. But it was still worth it to check out the Super Target and use their awesome carts.

After that we went to the mall which Tom tolerates because he always gets an Orange Julius. Plus he gets two of his candy apples from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.

Tom also likes looking in the pet store because he wants a dog.

I say no way. I’d lose my mind.

Tom wants one of those Siberian Husky dogs.

“No way. I’d lose my mind,” I always say.

“But it’s so cute! Isn’t it so cute, Tommy?” Tom will attempt to try and get Tommy to coerce me.

It doesn’t work. When I see a puppy I do think that it’s cute. But I also am reminded of how you have to train it and really, I’m still working on training my husband.

Maybe when the kids are older I’ll surprise him with one. He would never suspect it.

But it wouldn’t be for many many years from now.

And by many years from now I’m talking about ten years.


  1. OMG . . . I love Big Brother. I also love Target! The nearest Target is like three miles away and is called Target Greatland. I remember the first time I went in a couple of months ago and immediately thought, "I need a map and a canteen, just in case I get lost in here . . ." Anywho, I'll be mentioning your blog in my post today. :)

  2. I have never been to a Super Target, but will definitely be adding this to my list of places to visit before I die.

    It sounds a bit like what I imagine heaven to be like. :)


  3. I've got a black lab, already house trained, if you're interested. Please, please, please take him off my hands. He's free...

  4. I didn't know Orange Julius still EXISTED!!! I am clearly going to the wrong malls.

  5. Francesca has never been to a Super Target? I was feeling bad for her because she didn't have a SNuggie, but now I feel really bad for her!

  6. Stephen totally denied being into BB at first too, but now he has no shame admitting he's parked in front of the TV for it 3 nights a week. He even gets to watch it over in the desert! It airs the following day from when it airs here, so they're only a day behind. I love Super Target, we only have one in this metro area and it's about 40 miles away...*sigh* too far.

  7. I'm addicted to big brother, just so you know. And super target lives across the street from me. It is so dangerous always calling my name with that big bulls eye.

  8. You should totally give him the puppy AND the driving lawn mower that'd really get him right?


    But of course in 10 years time :)

  9. I know these carts of which you speak, they ARE awesome!

  10. Do you know how far I have to drive to find a Super Target? I swear I live on Mars:P

  11. ahhh the joys of the super target... it's like heaven on earth, truly it is!! can't wait to hear how the shamwow fiasco goes!

  12. i love orange julius ... and I'm a total Target groupie! Shamwow may suck but I've posted a few fun posts about it in my time as a blogger and always get a ton of traffic... shamwow is good blog material! lol

  13. My hubby walked into the house four years ago and announced, "Honey, I bought a puppy." Groan. I so don't need another baby to raise at my age...

    That's really what they are--but the 'fifty dollar dip shit dog' has turned into one of the joys of my life... He was a lot of work-- make sure you're ready.

  14. I've been in the states for three days now and I haven't made it to Target.....I'm starting to get the shakes! I love Super Target.

  15. Mmmm, wish we had a Super Target in the vicinity! We just have a clunky-red-carted regular Target. Which is great, don't get me wrong, but Super Target ... *rubbing hands together*

  16. We don't even have Targets up here and you have a Super Target?

  17. Is it bad that I don't remember anything you wrote after

    *cue the angels singing*

    sigh...I would move to the US just to shop at Target on a regular basis. :)

  18. If I see a Super Target in NYC , Im driving through the front window and shopping drive thru style !! Super Target ?? Man we are getting gyped here in the big apple !!

  19. Super Target!! Wowee!! Here in Australia we only have regular Target! The shopping cart (we call them trollies) sounds wonderful. I always end up with a back ache after pushing a regular one around for too long.

    Thanks for visiting me today :)

  20. I LOVE Target and Super Target, but in our travels we usually see more of the super Walmarts. Still like Target better, though.

    As far as getting a dog, a husky no less - they are beautiful dogs and they don't bark. My sister has one and loves it to death. But they are runners so you must have a fenced yard.

    My husband likes to shop, too, but I usually like when we split up in the store and then call each other when we are ready to leave. Except the other day I left my phone in the truck. Oops! I'm REALLY sorry! Honest! LOL!

  21. Do you know how many SpongeBob videos you can get into a Super Target shopping cart??

    :) ALL of them!!!!!!!! And you still have room leftover for all the SpongeBob video games too!

  22. K so I'm stuck at "....Super Target"
    What the hell is that?? We have a non-supered Target here. What the hell? I'm missing out!

  23. We've been debating the pet thing. We're thinking guinea pigs. I thought about a hamster but I hear GPs are less prone to biting and I'm hoping more durable!

    My husband vetoed the dog because of the poop patrol in the yard.

  24. HAHAHAHA! My hubs HATES BB too, but he will turn it on for me (he never does that for other shows he "doesn't" like, weird and suspicious. ALSO - we just got a brand spankin' new Super Target in our town & I love the new chunky buggies. They sort of remind me of the little yellow grocery buggy I had as a little girl that I would push around my room and collect plastic food in. ;) AND? I maybe felt a little skinny while pushing its massiveness. BONUS!

  25. super target IS just like heaven on earth! it is my happy place. i'm so lucky on the dog situation. my husband doesn't really like them and my kids are petrified of them. it's awesome.

  26. Ooh, you mentioned two of my favorite things...Super Target and Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. mmmmm! The latter makes me miss living in Denver. Here in NJ, we've got Target Greatlands. I'm not exactly sure how they came up with the name, but they are, in fact, the land of greatness. But we've still got the clunky red carts, not the chic new gray ones.

    And as for Big Brother, I swore after two years of it that I would never watch it again, even though I still watch Survivorand The Bachelor. Jerry also claims to despise BB, yet occasionally I catch him tuning in to see if Big Boobed girl (there's at least one every season, names don't matter) has been sent home yet. I don't even like Julie Chen, mainly because she's gained like 3 pounds in her pregnancy. Boooo.


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