Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Wanna See Eric Bana's Butt?

Yesterday I got to see The Time Traveler’s Wife. I’d see the previews and sigh wistfully and say to my husband Tom, “Doesn’t that look like a fantastic movie?”

“No,” Tom replied bluntly because unless a character in the movie blows up or has an elaborate sex scene, he’s not interested.

I went by myself. I used to be freaked out over seeing a movie on my own. Would people think I was a total loser? But here’s the thing: other people really don’t care about you in a movie theater so long as you don’t block their view or chat on the cell phone during the movie.

I walked into the theater armed with my popcorn slathered in butter and salt and my large diet coke (hey, I meant to get a medium but the teenaged girl behind the counter chirped, “You can get a large for fifty cents more!” and I’m sorry, that just seemed like a fantastic deal..) and found a seat in the middle. No one else had arrived yet so I sat there munching on my popcorn and watching the trivia on the screen. Did you know that Drew Barrymore was the younger person ever to host Saturday Night Live? (She was seven.)

Of course, sitting there alone in a darkened room can be a tad disconcerting. I have this fear that a Crazy Guy will be hiding in the back and will leap out in the middle of my popcorn feast and grab me. So I kept turning around as I ate to make sure no one was going to race out. As I was reassuring myself that I wasn’t sharing the room with one of the guys I saw on America’s Most Wanted, two women walked in.


Surely Crazy Guy wouldn’t strike with other people in the room?

You wouldn’t believe all the commercials that air in before the movie. Not previews. COMMERCIALS. I was a little irritated as a commercial for Coke filled the screen. I see enough commercials at home, thanks. I don’t need to see it before my movie.

Then the previews began and it showed one for The Lovely Bones which is a fantastic book. Go read it. I must see that movie.

Thirty minutes later, the movie finally started.

It was….okay, I sort of felt the way that I do when I’m watching Lost. I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. One second Eric Bana was there, the next second he wasn’t, then he was old, then he was young….

I felt like I was in math class again when I couldn’t comprehend why my teacher was trying to get me to understand this thing called a matrix. Wasn’t a matrix a movie? Why was she pestering me to figure out a number?

Oh, you also got to see Eric Bana’s butt twice, but I wasn’t impressed. He’s not my type. Plus I was distracted because I know he speaks in an Australian accent and I had just heard him talking in the movie Funny People in that accent—and then there he was, prattling on in an American accent and I was all, “But no, you’re Australian…”

Also, there is a kid named Alba in the movie. What kind of name is Alba? I understand it for a last name but as a first name? That also was distracting. I kept thinking, “Who would name a poor kid Alba?”

The movie was okay. I thought it would be better. I’d never see it again unless someone offered me a baked good in return for watching it with them.

Still, it was nice to get out.

When I returned home I noticed that Tom’s truck wasn’t in the driveway. Where did he go? Did he leave a message on my cell phone? I turned it back on (I’m a polite movie patron and always turn my phone off—this is something that other people need to learn to do because they STILL text and that’s DISTRACTING. Stop it) but there was no message.

I unlocked the door and hoped to find a note from Tom.

But no, the man has grass for brains and there was no note. So I sort of walked around the house a few times in confusion. I didn’t quite know what to do.

Write your novel. Take advantage of the silence….

So I settled down at the computer chair and brought up my novel. But I just stared at the words as though they were in an entirely different language.

Where did everyone go? Did one of the kids get hurt? WHAT IF HE’S AT THE ER?

I practically lunged for the phone and tapped in Tom’s number.

It went straight to voice mail.


I started pacing the house again. I was so busy trying to determine what had happened that I didn’t hear the front door open. I nearly collided into Tom.

“Move,” I barked and then realized, hello, he was who I wanted to see!

My eyes immediately swiveled to the children, who looked healthy enough.
“Is everything okay?” I said, resisting the urge to add, “You idiot with grass for brains!”

“Everything is fine,” Tom said, giving me a baffled look.

“I mean, I came home and everyone was gone….”

“I had to drop something off at the office,” Tom said with a shrug.

“And you couldn’t leave a note?”

Tom blinked at me.

“Oh never mind.”


  1. I get freaked out just like that too!! I mean even a "will be right back" scribble on the wall would have been better than nothing!! Men.

  2. I have never, ever went to the movies alone. I'm a chicken that way.

    Too bad the movie didn't live up to the book, but then they never do. At least the popcorn sounded good.

  3. i don't know if i could ever see a movie alone, i might fall asleep if i didnt have anyone to gossip with about whatever was on.

    everyone that has read the book and seen the movie says it's not as good...i think i might just see the movie.

  4. you had me at the title, LOL.

    i'm also a gossiper with movie watching too, it's why i like watching them at home only Hubby to annoy that way instead of an entire theater.

  5. I can not remember the last time I was able to see a movie in the theater that wasn't made by Disney or Paxar (or is it Pixar?) Good for you for going!!

    Men don't do notes. At least not the ones I know.

  6. I saw District 9 last night with the hubby and there's nothing worse then sitting next to a geek with BO who yells "That. Was. Awesome." everytime some alien gets blown up.

    (And no, I am not refering to my husband)


  7. There must be something wrong with me. I get home to no one and think....peace and quiet....no news is good news...I'm sure they'll let me know if something is wrong. LOL

  8. Well that seals the deal. I was thinking of going to see this movie (by myself, of course) and had seen a bad review. But you know how reviews can be - sometimes you just know that all the reviewer is looking for is artsy fartsy stuff and no matter what, whether or not it's a good movie, if it doesn't have the artsy fartsy stuff they pan it. So there you go. Thanks!

  9. I am a worry wart.

    My husband was doing a clinical at the hospital on Saturday, and his cell phone was turned off, and I realized I didn't even know what hospital he was at. He was supposed to get off at 10, and he always calls me when he leaves. He didn't call, and the phone still went straight to VM. He walks in the door at 10:30, and I was pissed!

    He didn't think to use, oh, another phone at the hospital after I hadn't heard from him for 15 hours.

  10. I saw Twilight by myself.

    Your hubby sounds fun. How is the book coming along?

  11. My aunt's name is Alba. LOL It sounds better in Spanish though. :) OMG! I always leave a note or send a text just in case something happens to me and at least there will be some record somewhere so that I can be found!

  12. why don't hubby's EVER leave a note...I mean geesh they could have been being held captive or something

  13. I actually LOVE going to the movies by myself. I get to sink into the soothing darkness, ALONE, which is so nice considering that I don't even get to poop by myself at home. :) The best is when Curtis is working nights and I can go during the day ... I almost always have the entire theater to myself! Bliss!

  14. I don't care what you say about the movie. If I can Eric Bana's butt, I'm there.

    Ever since "Munich", I've been Ga Ga for that man.

  15. I thought Funny People was great.

  16. I used to go to the movies by myself a lot. But only in the afternoon.

    I'm still gonna see this one. Haven't seen a preview of The Lovely Bones yet, but I just read it and so did my daughter, so she'll want to see that for sure.

    I'd have to have grass for brains to miss that one.

  17. I have yet to brave a movie by myself... but gee, that sounds nice.

  18. Why don't me think of these things?

  19. Men! Do they all have grass for brains?

    Glad you had two hours to yourself...I need to do the same.

  20. I'm pretty sure all men have grass for brains...it's in their DNA :)

  21. Damn I loved him in Munich. Check him out here: Bana's pics

    I loved the part about feeling like you were in Math class again.

    And what's up with men and movies. If there's isn't a car chase, heavy gun fighting and steamy sex my husband is not interested

  22. Nooooo! It wasn't that great?! I'm dying to see it! But hate to waste the whole effort of going to the movies on a movie that is only so-so. I'm so upset. I too have been sitting through the previews absolutely awestruck by how fabulous it looks!

    PS I am totally one of those people who waits for the crazy person to jump out and run off with me! Stupid imagination. And don't hate me but I'm one of those leave my phone on during the movie people. Eeek. In my defense I leave it on vibrate and it's just in case something happens with the lil' guy while I'm zoning out in front of the screen. There goes my imagnination again!

  23. First time visitor, stopping by from a link off a link off a link.

    Loved this posting - I really like Eric Bana (not in a romantic way) but I know where you're coming from on the whole Aussie speaking American thing. Julian McMahon's the worst - he even does his fake accent when he's NOT acting these days!

  24. They never leave a note!! And do not bother asking when they are coming home from work. I'll be leaving in just a minute....

    is always a football minute.

  25. LOL.....
    I've been laughing from the start. I read the title as; Wanna See Eric's Banana But? LOL...
    I composed myself after I took that double take.....only to start laughing again at your conversation with your husband. I'm married to the same guy. :-)
    I just wait for the movie to hit Netflix and watch it at home because I'm too self-conscious to go it alone. But now, after reading this, I may just try a movie on my own. :-) Thanks!
    As for Time Traveler's Wife, I guess I'll leave that for Netflix. I was hoping to see that too, but everyone (including you now) has said it wasn't very good. So I'll save my money. :-)
    Great post......thanks for the laughs......and have a beautiful day.

  26. K. Phew.
    1. I love to dine/watch a movie/shop/walk/bathe...ALONE.
    2. I SO thought you were going to post a tush. Damn!
    3. All men have grass for brains sometimes. You sorta have to feel bad for them.
    4. I hate when a movie screws up a book.

  27. Sometimes the movie theater popcorn makes even an okay movie worthwhile.

  28. Have you seen Julie and Julia? Definitely worth another trip to the theatre by yourself or with girl friends.

    "Grass for brains" - that's a new one. It's kind of like a zen koan - What would you think if you had grass for brains?

  29. Coming home to an empty house is perfect for me. It's so quite. The idea of doing what I want to do without interruption... Oooo it's a dream.

  30. I just went to see Paper Heart by myself and had a lovely time. Movies and then a leisurely stroll through the park. No one to bug me by talking to the movie = perfect! And yeah, there are 5000 commercials before the previews, but sometimes you discover some useless trivia that's interesting.

  31. I used to go to the movies by myself all the time. It's kinda nice. So quiet and peaceful.

  32. Have you read TTWife? It's one of my favourite books. I liked The Lovely Bones too. I always wanna go to the cinema alone but I'm scared people will point!!! I'll brave it next time.


  33. What is it with men and no note? I don't get that.

  34. I love going to movies alone and do it all the time. Mainly because I can eat an entire large popcorn with extra butter and the super sized Milk Duds without Mr. Peach Tart giving me any looks.

    I'm glad to hear your review of the movie. I think I'll wait until it comes out on cable.

  35. You're way nicer than me! I would've just told the hubs he had shit for brains, end of story! Really! Like leaving a note or message is so hard for them!!!

  36. I actually dont' mind going to the movies by myself. The toughest part is that I always have to go to the restroom BEFORE going into the movie. This is very hard to do if you've already bought your large popcorn and diet coke.

    As for Eric Bana, he is so my type I think I invented him from my fantasies. I can't wait to see his butt- twice! Yay! Friday can't get here fast enough. 2 hours of Eric Bana (and his butt) will easily make up for a so-so movie!

  37. I used to think it was terrible to go to the movies alone. Now I LOVE it! Watch what I want, eat what I want, sit where I want, etc. etc. etc. What's not to love??

  38. I have NEVER been to the show by myself. I can understand your apprehension, though, sitting by yourself before the movie starts.

    Some men just don't think! Tom probably thought he'd be back before you got home so he didn't leave a note, right? Yeah, that's it.


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