Monday, October 12, 2009

Four Wheel Drive

Over the weekend, we were dumped with snow.

Most people would stay indoors.

But not us.

No. Tom was all, “Do you want to go to Target? I need to get new headphones since you vacuumed up my other ones.”

Okay, first of all, I didn’t vacuum up his headphones. Just the cord. And it wasn’t totally MY fault. If he had picked up his cord instead of leaving it on the floor, then I wouldn’t have sucked it up now would I?

“Tom. It’s icy outside. I don’t think it’s safe,” I reminded him, peering out the window.

“You forget that we have the power of...FOUR WHEEL DRIVE!” Tom boomed, punching the air as he shouted the words FOUR WHEEL DRIVE.

He startled me, actually. You don’t start speaking normally and then suddenly shout. It’s just poor taste.

“I mean...I guess,” I agreed.

So we all trooped out to the truck. I slipped as I stepped up on the foot rail to get into my seat. There was some ice there so I went face first into the seat. And it’s leather so it smacked me in the forehead.

“Stupid truck,” I muttered as I settled down.

Tom’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “Excuse me?” He’s seriously in love with his truck. Sometimes I want to say, “Why don’t I just leave the two of you alone?”

There was a small mound of snow at the edge of our driveway. I wasn’t sure if we’d even be able to get out.

“That looks rather high,” I commented.

“Ahhh. To other cars, it would be too high. But not when you have FOUR WHEEL DRIVE!” Tom yelled, gripping the wheel excitedly.

I jumped again and massaged my ear. “Could you not scream like that?”

We burst right through the snow. We didn’t even skid once.

When we got to Target I started doing my normal Target rounds. For those who don’t know, this means I look everywhere because you never know where you’ll find things for 75% off. Tom found me wandering the towel area.

“I’m confused. Why are we here?”

He always asks me why I’m in a certain section even though I’ve told him a billion times that when I’m in Target, I have to look everywhere.

“Some of the college stuff is 75% off. Look at this comforter! Only nine bucks! Too bad that it’s twin sized,” I mused.

Tom made a face. “We don’t need any comforters. Even if they are 75% off. We have a perfectly good comforter.”

I patted his head lovingly. Poor deranged Tom.

He started to get impatient when I went down another aisle. “Amber. I’m ready to go home. I found what I needed. I had to shovel snow for nearly an hour and I’m tired and cranky and I just want to go home!


Target buzz kill.

I told him I’d give up looking down the kitchenware aisles even though it pained me to do so. One time I found a new saucepan for only eight dollars! And it was the Cephalon expensive kind too. But does Tom appreciate that? No, he doesn’t.

On the drive home some of the roads looked a little frightening.

“Be careful,” I warned Tom.

“Don’t worry,” he said seriously. “We won’t skid. Because we have the power of FOUR WHEEL DRIVE! Hey. Why are you covering your ears?”

“So I won’t go deaf,” I answered.

Oh, and one more thing. Tom wants me to remind everyone that you must make sure all the snow is removed from your back window and your license plate before you drive. Tom says that if he were a state trooper that he’d pull over all those people with the covered plates. Apparently he counted over ten people who had their license plate covered with snow and this bothered him.

“I’d pull you over. And I’ll pull you over. Oh, and I’ll pull you over too,” Tom pointed to cars as we drove along. “How hard is it for people to take care of their vehicles? How hard is it for people to care about other people’s safety?”

I think Tom has been married to me too long. He was starting a passionate speech. The same ones that I make when I’m trying to explain why I bought a dozen donuts AND Little Debbie snack cakes or where the bag of Gymboree clothes came from.

As we were nearly home, there was another mound of snow blocking our way. I could see Tom gearing up, prepared to say the words.

“I know, Tom, I know,” I said, cutting him off. “We’ll be okay. Because we have,” and I raised my voice at this, “FOUR WHEEL DRIVE!”


  1. Stopping by from SITS! I love your blog and look forward to coming back again soon to visit again. Have a great week!

    P.S. I would trade your snow for our rain any day! I am ready for the rain to be gone.

  2. Snarky, hahahah!! Men and their big toys [shakingmyhead]

  3. I think we must have married the same guy.

    And even thinking about snow makes me want to cry.

  4. So funny. I love target. I could need nothing and go in there and come out spending 100 dollars, how does that happen?

    I love your blog. I am a new follower. Thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment.

  5. You might want to point out to your husband that sometimes FOUR WHEEL DRIVE doesn't do squat on ice. All four tires go skidding. But only if you get sick of him shouting in your ear...

    Your pictures make me happy I moved from the Adirondacks of Upstate New York to a place we don't get snow until December or January!

  6. Oh dear, my husband does the same thing. He HAD to have a Hummer and now we can't drive down a street without him purposely driving through mounds of snow. What is it about guys and four wheel drive?

  7. I hear ya! Men and their trucks! Ours is a 1 1/2 ton Chevy 4500. (At this point Jim would be beating his chest and making animal sounds.) Whenever we pull into a campground, or wherever we go, in fact, men gather around to admire the truck. Me? I think it's just another way of getting around. Yeah, it's nice to see above the traffic but the gas mileage sucks. True, I feel safe when we pull our 18,000 lb. trailer behind us, but still. Then when we're driving and Jim sees and even BIGGER truck like a FREIGHTLINER, which is like the size of a SEMI, I just look at him and say, "NO!"

  8. ugh, i thought we were having a guys really got dumped on ;)
    my dad is the same way with his truck. to me riding with my dad in the snow is scarier than a roller coaster! ha!

  9. Here I was feeling sorry for myself because of the cold temps here. But that snow! You obviously are much colder than I am.

  10. LOL That was fantastic! I love reading you.

    We have had a bunch of snow recently, too. Stupid winter.

    YK what's funny? Most of the time the people I see in the median or ditch on the way into town? Are the people with FOUR WHEEL DRIVE.

  11. Uh, BRRRRRRRRRRRR is all I can think of when I see those pics.

  12. Snow?! No thank you! I'm just now getting to see all the beautiful fall colors. *hides* I have four wheel drive. Love it! But please do educate Tom that four wheel drive means s*** in ice. (Jon sends his is his favorite lecture to over zealous dudes in 4-wheel drive trucks) Tires make a difference to...does Tom have those off-road tires that whine when he drives down the road?

    As always, love your blog. Always something to discuss with Jon. :D

  13. I'm ready for winter, but not yet for snow, really....

    And yes, men and their toys/trucks. It's really frustrating. I also hate how it's all about what they need at Target (or wherever) , but then when we want to browse or shop a bit, it's all, "I'm ready to leave, c'mon!" Not fair!

  14. OMG - 4 wheel drive is the only way to go in the snow! I lived in VA for a few years and can seriously understand where Tom's coming from. On the other hand...i am in LOVE with Target's 75% off. One time, I found 5 piece Kitchen Aid set (ice cream scoop, can opener, wisk, etc) for $8.74. You know that set is originally $29.99. I was estatic. and BTW...I had my best 75% off Target moment last weekend. I found a crimson red shag style rug, 7'x10' for $37. Yes, $37. The thing was originally $149.99. Everyone else in my line was TOTALLY hating on me!!! The.Best.Day.Ever. ;)

  15. We have four wheel drive too...but no snow lol

  16. I think my hubby gets overly confident about his 4WD and it makes me so nervous. I hate riding with him in the winter because he goes so fast!

  17. why are men obsessed with big things? WHY? and why are women obsessed with the cute little things? except for the diamonds on our rings, am i right ladies?

  18. Oh a trip to the 100$ store, men just don't get it! I better go and check out snow pants, soon!

  19. Four wheel drive does not equal four wheel stop. When you think about it, just because you can drive through the snow, does not mean you can stop in it!

  20. I tried and tried to read the whole thing and totally comprehend it but I was stopped short at a snigle, four letter word that I think you should be reported to blogger people about:


    How frkkin rude.

  21. Boys and their toys! My husband just got new wheels and tires on his truck and I thought he had proposed to it or something...totally enamored by them.

    Oh, and I do the same thing at Target. I got some cute throw pillows for the couches that were 75% off just by perusing all the aisles. I just love Target!

  22. Snow? That is one of the worst four letter words ever! I really don't like snow, especially driving in it. My minivan is no match for the four wheel drive pickup :-)

  23. Ton of Snow Batman!

    Target is bad for my debt to income ratio

  24. Oh, Tom. Is he ever going to learn?

    Most likely not.

  25. I think I would have to throttle anyone who killed my Target buzz...

  26. Men and their 4 wheel drive. Can't part 'em, can you? Oh, and talk about a buzz kill at target for sure. After 11 years of marriage, you think my husband would get it, but he is still learning. These things take time, I guess.

  27. So funny!

    I know just what you mean about the Target rounds..I just love finding deals!

  28. This makes me miss my blazer that I got rid of this summer. Now my little cobalt won't do crap in the snow, and I'll be stuck at home. =[ I didn't drive like Tom, I still drove pretty slow because if I got on ice I would slide around.

  29. I'm totally amused by this. With a husband who is an avid gamer (and slob who also leaves wires and everything else everywhere) AND who is in love with his truck, I know EXACTLY where you're coming from! . . .at least you have FOUR WHEEL DRIVE!

  30. Yowza. I can't believe you have snow already!

    When you said you sometimes feel like Tom wants to be alone with his truck (and it's FOUR WHEEL DRIVE!)... I feel the same way about my hubs and his orchids. I know they are hard to maintain, but sheesh! The way he fawns over these flowers (yes, flowers) I want to roll my eyes and yell "Get a room!"

  31. Husbands and snow are both big-time Target buzz kills ;)

  32. Ok, I am crying I am laughing so hard. Tom TOTALLY cracks me up. The FOUR WHEEL DRIVE is so something my husband would repeat over and over again too with gumption. LOL I think the next time ya'll go to Target together you need to give him a passionate speech about how FABULOUS it is there and how it is a requirement to shop every section - every woman worth her salt knows that TOM! You can find things for 75% OFF! And repeat 75% OFF!!! over and over until he has nightmares about it....OK that may be a little overboard but you know what I'm sayin'. ;D

  33. OH NO!!!

    S...N...O...W!!! WTF!!!

    I hope mother nature flips for you this weekend to sun and blue skies.

  34. oh my gosh!!! Thats a lot of snow! I cant even imagine how cold that is!!! Its pretty though :)


  35. Oh yes...a man and his toy. There's no other relationship like it.

    I see your husband is just like mine...he leaves his crap all over the floor and then when it gets thrown away or swept up, he freaks out. I'm like "well, clean it up if you don't want it in the garbage". As if that's my fault?

  36. Snow? Enjoy that - we're heading into summer and it's beautiful here!

    My wife managed to cut through the cord of my solar garden lights whilst pruning recently, so I have to say I'm siding with Tom on this one. Nothing personal, promise.

  37. I can't believe you have that much SNOW already!!! FOUR WHEEL DRIVE or not, that sucks! ( I was a little surprised that you didn't jump at the chance for a trip to Target, though...)

  38. Oh my goodness!
    That's a lot of snow!
    I like snow though.
    hugs hugs

  39. LOL too freaking funny! Geez... my husband would be the one to stay INSIDE during all that mess! Sorry he was a buzzkill though in Target - next time tell him the ONLY way you are prepared to go with him is if after he gets what he goes there for that he proceed to leave and then have you call him to come back and get you when YOU are ready to go! HA!

  40. Tom is soooo funny... but I think you two are great together!

    btw- i would just die, i mean DIE... if there was EVER THAT MUCH SNOW in my yard... seriously i would! today our high will be getting to about 89 degrees... and I LOVE IT!!!

  41. Snow! Already? Oh no, say it ain't so. I'm not ready for snow yet (or ever) for that matter.

  42. BAHAhahahahahaha OMG I am in hysterics here. Men and their FOUR WHEEL DRIVE. I see snow and wind and cold, then I want to snuggle with a cup of tea and good book. Who the heck wants to drive in that kind of weather? Men with FOUR WHEEL DRIVE. Yep, I have one of those men. He's nuts.

  43. Man, looks freezing where you are.

    Love it!

    I can’t drive, but I too would like to be able to shout out FOUR WHEEL DRIVE at the top of my voice.

    I feel less of a man now......

  44. I love my ALL WHEEL DRIVE!

    I got it because it snows... at least occassionally here near Philadelpha, PA.

    I'm hoping it works like the snowblower though - I got a brand new one and it didn't snow for 3 years... :)

  45. I hate snow. Although I did buy a new winter coat the other day (half off, plus a $15.00 off coupon!) so now I'm a little excited about snow...only a little! :)

    And just for Tom's information, my husband's Jeep has FOUR WHEEL DRIVE and we've still gotten stuck in snow. So there.

  46. i hate men and their inept ability to kill any shopping buzz that i have.

    sigh. pace. face. attitude.

    i sit through how many seasons of how many different sports? how much dirty jobs and ufc do i endure? and you want to cock your head and roll your eyes at me because i want to look down each and every aisle!?

    sighhhhh...i feel your pain. and your FOUR WHEEL DRIVE!!!!!

  47. I am cracking up over the FOUR WHEEL DRIVE!!You make me wish I lived near you...I wanna go Target!!!


  48. I learned many years ago -- the hard way -- that four wheel drive helps a car go, but they don't stop any better than other cars. Just saying. Oh, and it was 87 degrees here today. I miss snow.

  49. My husband has dreams of a FOUR WHEEL DRIVE. I ask him, "For what? All the snowfalls and mountainous terrain of the SWAMP?". Men....

  50. Tell him its been in the 90s all week, so I think I'm safe, but thanks for the warning :)


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