Tuesday, October 20, 2009

No More Popcorn!

*Ding Dong*

I inwardly groaned when I saw Blake, who is the Annoying Neighborhood Kid.

He was standing there holding some papers and when I came to the door, he held them up so that they were covering his face.

“Popcorn! I’m selling popcorn! Look here and find which one you want,” he instructed me as he pulled open the screen door.

That’s another thing: the kid totally just opens our door and walks in. He’s done this on more than one occasion. I hate that he does this because suppose I was walking around in the buff? Not that I ever PLAN to walk around in the buff but I’d really like to have that option open, you know? Yeah, I could just lock the door but still…

“Actually Blake,” I said calmly pushing him back out. “I already bought popcorn from another Boy Scout.”

It had happened a few days before. A kid came by dressed in the uniform and he had silently handed over the popcorn pamphlet.

“I’m selling popcorn,” the Boy Scout whisperer said. “Would you like to buy some?”

I had to crane my neck down in order to hear him.

“Well, what do you recommend?” I had asked nicely. I really didn’t want any popcorn but I always try to buy at least one thing when they drop by. I don’t want to be known as the Cheapo on the Block you know.

The boy looked gobsmacked as though he had never been asked the question before. “Um,” he said, color appearing at his cheeks. “Um.” He twisted his fingers nervously.

“It’s okay. I’ll find something,” I said gently. I was a shy kid too. In fact, I’m a shy adult now.

I ended up getting the $15 container of the chocolate drizzled popcorn. That was the cheapest they had. There was even a $50 barrel of popcorn and I nearly passed out when I saw the price. Hello Boy Scouts, we’re in a recession.

Anyhow, Blake didn’t seem to comprehend that I already bought some popcorn.

Because he went, “Well, try this one!” and he tried to open the door again.

I held it closed. “No thank you, Blake. As I said before, I already bought popcorn.”

“Get some more!” Blake said cheerfully.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds and counted to three. What I wanted to do was shout, “You know what, Blake? I gave you my answer already so piss off.” But you can’t talk to children like that. It’ll like, hurt their psyche or something.

“Blake,” I said slowly. “I don’t need anymore popcorn. But I’ll give you credit: you are persistent. You’d make a good salesman.”

Blake’s eyes practically bugged out of his head. “WHAT did you call me?” he demanded, looking aghast.

Uh oh. Danger, Will Robinson, danger.

“I called your persistent. It means you don’t give up easily.”

Blake didn’t look as though he believed me. “I’m telling! You called me a name! Name calling is wrong! I’m telling!” And then he darted off towards his house.

“I was complimenting you!” I shouted to his retreating back.

Oh well. I never got a phone call from his parents so I imagine they explained that I wasn’t being mean.

But hey! Note to self: if I ever want to get Blake to run away, call him persistent.


  1. I think the boy scouts should sell the cookies too! I don't know why they don't--boys like cookies. They are much cheaper than the popcorn and I'm sure would be easier to sell. It was nice of you to buy from that first boy scout.

    Funny what it took to actually get rid of that annoying boy!

  2. Is it wrong that I would not answer the door? Actually I may tell them I was allergic to popcorn.

  3. You know I was thinking the same thing about him being one heck of a seller when he gets older. To funny :)

  4. You make my day with your post. Too funny! Loved the Will Robinson part, made me snort LOL

    Kristin- Im having a blog party! Stop by :)

  5. Thanks for the heads up that it's Boy Scout popcorn sales time. I'll be keeping away from the doors and windows for the next few weeks!

    (I think I'm still paying for the popcorn we bought when my son was a Scout. Seriously, the prices! Gah!)

  6. We used to have a kid like that too! And he lived next door. He'd watch to see when we came home and then pounce on us just like a spider. They ended up moving away and it was one of the best days of my life. I like shy kids. Kids that are too outgoing irritate the crap out of me.

  7. Since you are so good at getting people to run from your doorstep, will you come get rid of The Creepy Meat Man for me?

  8. Elijah is a boy scout and has that dumb popcorn too. I won't even buy the crap for that price. I don't blame you!

  9. That's why I don't like certain children . . . Was he raised by wolves? Did his parents not teach him manners? WTF???

  10. Oh my - those lovely neighbor kids. When we first moved into our house we met 'the grubby kids'

    There are now four of them but I love them dearly.

    Great post.

  11. I was walking around my place all nakey-nakey yesterday. I forgot I left the blinds open though. Gave the neighbors quite. the. show. Ooops.

    The popcorn thing must be a newer thing for Boy Scouts. I don't think my brother ever sold any.

    But good for you, standing your ground against the little weirdo!

  12. The benefit of living in nowheresvillle...no salesmen, even in boy scout form!

  13. Both my kids are in Scouts and I discourage them from selling popcorn. The prices are so high it's embarrassing to show the brochure to people.

  14. We have scouts across the street. we bought some popcorn from them and ate our way through almost the whole thing in about 2 days. I felt so sick I don't know if I can ever eat chocolate-covered popcorn again!

  15. $15 for popcorn! That stuff better sing to me when I eat it for that price...and a good song to not just Eat It.

    I can only imagine Blake when he gets older on a date...he'll be persistent all right.

  16. OMG-- If I had a nickel for every time a kid rang our doorbell selling something for school-- well, here's how much of a patsy I am-- I'll pay for something upon purchase and never see the kid again. Well, I learned that lesson after the second time. (At least one more time than it should have taken me.) But we too want to help them out-- we remember when our kids had to do this stuff. But now we either pay on delivery or get the kid's name and phone number when we buy... What a world!

  17. Am I the only one who thinks boy scout popcorn is awful? I can't buy it because it tastes like crap.

  18. I guess that is a lot better than what you really wanted to call him. ;)

  19. I've never even HEARD of chocolate-drizzled popcorn! I thought it only came in butter, caramel, and cheese! I'd prolly drop $15 on THAT!

    Hmm. . .First Chase, now Blake. Perhaps you should call your son Thomas or Tom, because it seems that boys in your 'hood with 5-letter names are a smidgen on the obnoxious side! ;)

  20. I've just about had it with the Boy Scout's selling popcorn. And in November, Girl Scout's start selling cookies. I didn't use to mind, but now that my kids are selling all kinds of stuff that I feel obligated to buy, it's hard to be enthusiastic about buying from someone else's kid. At least you found a way to deter Blake, though.

  21. How funny, try that on all the annoying neighborhood kids!

  22. That BS popcorn is expensive; I do try to but from the kids I know in the neighborhood if they actually ask me to... If I see a popcorn brochure on the counter or table of a friends, I make an excuse to cut the visit short....like before they have a chance to ask...

  23. I'm afraid Blake has the problem and it has nothing to do with you!

  24. For fifteen bucks that had better be a HUGE container of popcorn. Wow!

  25. Too funny.
    I was complimenting you...!!
    Love your writing!
    Have a lovely time!

  26. The only reason I every wear ANYTHING around the house is just in case there's an unexpected popcorn-seller invasion.

    I'm hearing you.

  27. I think you need to enlist your trusty thesaurus and start calling him all sorts of good things...

  28. LOL that is too funny! I dread when the boyscouts and other door to door "salesmen" appear out of nowhere on my doorstep - but like you, I make sure to buy from at least ONE of the cute little buggars! HA!

  29. First, I understand that BS popcorn is expensive and not all that tasty, and I have many times complained about this myself. But my husband is employed by the Boy Scouts of America (well, with his salary you can barely call it employed, thankfully there are other perks) and the Boy Scouts do rely heavily on popcorn sales to fund alot of things. Yes, they know it is a recession!! As a not for profit organization, they rely alot on donations from people and organizations. In a recession, one of the first cutbacks people make is donations!!! It is a good organization people. They do good things. They give a lot of boys opportunities they wouldn't otherwise have. So buy the cheapest thing you can and feel good about the donation. Please.


    PS- You can choose which boy scout is least annoying to buy from! =]

    PPS- last year they also added that you can make a $25 dollar donation to Soldiers. This goes for programs that help soldiers families. If you don't want the popcorn, this is a way to donate to two worthy causes.

    Sorry~ I didn't mean to get on my soapbox.

  30. What a little bugger. Too funny that he thought you called him a bad name!

  31. "piss off" such a great expression... lol.

    And if Blake didn't pronounce persistant right whatever he told his parents they probably sighed and agreed with you.

    Loved it. xx

  32. I have a scout and I hate selling popcorn, as a matter of fact, I'd rather make him mow lawns and clean up dog poop. However, lemme say this raising money to send him to camp was worth it. He went for the first time last year and he learned so much, Scouts are VERY annoying and time consuming but worth it for your boy. Now he can survive in the wilderness when I kick him outta the car by the side of the raod. Scouts are preperation for teenage years.

  33. Talk about aggressive! LOL! I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns. It's true that you don't have to buy from EVERY boy scout that comes your way. And besides, the other one was more polite. :)

  34. Maybe he thought you called him a pissant? Try saying them both out loud: Persistent. Pissant.



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