Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Orange Spray Adventure

Tsssssss. Tsssssss.

I heard the hissing sound as I scrubbed off the refrigerator. It always seems to get covered with crayon or some mysterious residue that’s a cross between mud and yogurt. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. I don’t know. All I know is that it always seems to wind up on the handle and that I have to scrub it off each night.

Tsssssss. Tssssss. Tsssssss.

What in the world?

Was that---

Could Tom have---

“Tom! That’s disgusting. Say excuse me!” I shouted to him. He was busy playing his airplane game on the computer which means he didn’t have his headphones on for once.

Tom paused his game and whirled around. “Why should I say excuse me?”

Tssssss. Tssssss.

“Because of that! How gross.” I immediately pinched my nose because if you don’t, you’ll die.

“I’m not farting! That’s not me!” Tom shouted indignantly.

I just gave him a Look and went back to washing the fridge. Then I heard it again:

Tssssss. Tssssss.

“Tom, honestly. If you’re going to fart, own it,” I said sharply.

Tom paused his game again. “I’m telling you! It’s not me.” Then he cocked his head to the side. “How do I know it’s not YOU?” He shot me an accusing stare.

I was aghast. “Why would I accuse you of farting if it were really me?” I demanded.

Tom shrugged. “Who knows? Girls are weird!”

Tsssss. Tssssss.

Tom and I both glared at each other.

“So if it’s not you...and it’s not me...who is it?” I wondered.

Tom scanned the room. “Wait a minute. Natalie isn’t here…”

Crap!

It’s never a good thing when your two-year-old wanders off and is QUIET.

So I immediately shoved aside the Lysol and headed for the stairs.

This is where I found my daughter. Playing with this:



Basically she was spraying herself with Citrus Breeze. And when you spray the thing, it makes a hissing noise.

“Natalie Elizabeth! No!” I admonished.

She grinned at me and pressed the spray button. “I smell pretty,” she informed me as she danced in the droplets of Citrus Breeze.

I scooped her up and nearly passed out from the stench. I hope she doesn’t turn into one of those women who practically bathes in perfume and think that they actually smell NICE.

I carried her downstairs. “Your daughter was getting into the sprayer thing,” I told Tom.

Tom took one look at Natalie and burst out laughing.

“It’s not funny! It’s wasteful. She’s going to smell like oranges for a week!” I said. I ran my fingers through her damp hair. “Suppose her hair starts to fall out?”

Tom waved a hand dismissively in the air. “It won’t. She’s fine.”

I glared down at Natalie. “You owe me $3.99 for the spray stuff,” I informed her.

Natalie fluttered her eyelashes at me. “I smell pretty.”

“You smell like you've been bathing in orange juice for hours,” I said.

“I yike oranges,” Natalie answered sweetly.

“Well, that’s great. Because you’ll probably be smelling like them for awhile.”

46 comments:

  1. What a cute story! She is adorable in every way! FABULOUS!

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  2. Look at that face . . . You can't even resist her charm! "She's put a spell on you . . ." :)

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  3. How sweet!

    I had one of those and the spray noise drove me wacko...and kept waking me up all through the night. So I threw the whole thing in the trash!

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  4. LMAO! OH MY GOSH We have one of those and I had it hanging up high on the wall and it would go off automatically. I had company come over one day and I heard this mumble and then a "AHH!!"

    He pushed the blue button and yep it got him in the eye!

    As Mary Poppins says,
    "While we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid”

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  5. that's so funny---I bet you had her in the tub in a flash! She's so photogenic. Just darling!

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  6. I yike oranges toooooo!

    :) I have to get me one of these things...

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  7. How cute!! And I only say that because it wasn't one of my kids that did it. At least it was a nice citrus and not some flowery stuff :)

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  8. ooooooooooh! she's at "that age"! I remember when my daughter did that (about 2.5)...I was in the living room when i smelled something in the air...and noticed a thin cloud of...something, wafting from the back of the house. then i noticed Yesi was gone. "CRAP!". I went to my room and almost gagged. She had sprayed almost an entire bottle of Oil Sheen/Moisturizer into the air. My room was NEVER the same again.

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  9. I have one of those and when I turn the lamp out for the night and start walking out of the room, it sprays and I nearly jump out of my skin every time!

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  10. Smells like pre-teen spirit to me.

    She's got her own sense of self, that's for sure.

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  11. OMG too funny! Look at her face, what a cutie! I have one of those in my bathroom, I LOVE it!

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  12. Great story! My son has an addiction to all things that spray so I had to put my Oust spray way Oust of his reach! One time, I couldn't even walk in my kitchen because I didn't have a gas mask...that stuff is not meant to be inhaled in any kind of large quantity!

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  13. HA, too funny!!!
    we have one in our basement on top of a fridge and it scares the crap out of me at times when i'm doing laundry! it has also shot that vanilla lavender scent right into my fiances eyes a time or two.

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  14. but again.. just look at that little face of hers!

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  15. HaHa! Oh my! I'm going to have to get me one of those now. =)

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  16. HAH! She's so cute!

    Citrus is the only spray scent I can stand, so at least she picked something niiiiiice smelling! :) Who doesn't like oranges?

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  17. Um, excuse me. I mean, not to nit-pick, but you hope 'she doesn't turn into one of those men or women who...'????? WTF?

    I'm pretty sure she ain't gonna turn into ANY kind of man!

    But she's the cutest thing ever, and she yikes oranges. That'll carry her a long way!

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  18. "If you are going to fart, own it" That has had me laughing for ages!

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  19. Is that in her hair?! Oh my! My girl did the vaseline thing once. It took forever to get it out of her hair.

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  20. She really is so cute. Entertaining, too!

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  21. Haha thats just to funny! Shes adorable!

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  22. Well, there are worse things she could smell like than oranges ... :)

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  23. Maybe she was farting too, and just covering it up with the orange stuff.

    You never know. . .

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  24. Ha! Natalie is too funny. I remember when my niece was her age. You want to get mad at some of the things they do, but how can one rage against innocence? All you can do is smile and hug your little one.

    Better stock up on the spray.

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  25. My MiL had one hidden behind a plant and my husband and I were like "WHERE is that sound coming from?! What IS it?!"

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  26. Oh hell, I thought it was a sex toy. I stared and I enlarged and I stared some more.

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  27. Just gave you a One Lovely Blog award on my post (not that you probably need it!) but your writing always makes me laugh. I had to pay it forward or a fairy dies or something...

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  28. SO FUNNY! Thank you for that laugh tonight, I definitely needed it! Your daughter is adorable...orange smell and all :)

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  29. What an adorable story! Thats why we stick to the glade plug ins at my house!! My two year old son would get too much of a kick out of this!

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  30. Gotta love the Natalie:)

    She sure is a cutie.

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  31. She has that face that looks like she just got busted. She's still so adorable though.

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  32. Oh this little Natalie adventure was just too cute (not my kid, you know . . . so I can say that).

    I can definitely relate to these types of behaviors, as a mom to four boys. Just be thankful she's not a twin! ;o)

    However, the part I could relate to the most had me laughing so hard!

    “Tom! That’s disgusting. Say excuse me!” I shouted to him. He was busy playing his airplane game on the computer which means he didn’t have his headphones on for once.

    Husband . . .
    Computer game addict . . . Headphones . . .

    I was rolling with this paragraph simply because my husband is "King of the Dorks," and sits down at his computer (the area we like to call "The Dork Orb") for hours-ok, days-at a time, trying to conquer Rome, or defeat some alien empire, or playing whatever other game of the month may be.

    This is when I knew I just had to follow your musings.

    I'm a freelance writer with a gaming-addicted Navy husband, so it's like a sisterhood or something. Right? ;o)

    AND

    With all the testosterone flyin' around here, there's a whole lot of fartin' goin' on, too. lol

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  33. Hahahaha LMAO! You tell the best stories!

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  34. That picture says it all! What a little minx!

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  35. $3.99 is pretty cheap for perfume. She smells good AND she's frugal. Nice.

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  36. Awwww she is so cute!! Thats good it wasn't Tom farting, my sister's fiance farts sometimes when we're over and it is the WORST.

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  37. "Orange" you glad she didn't squirt it in her eye? LOL!

    I like how you and Tom were blaming each other for farting!

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  38. I can think of worse things to smell like.

    Like skunk after the sprayed dog came in the house and rolled on the rug....

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  39. She's so cute and now sweet smelling :)

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  40. My son recently had a fascination with spray bottles. I accidentally left the bottle of stain spray too low one afternoon....and my entire kitchen smelled of Shout. I'd have much preferred oranges.

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  41. keep the lysol away, my daughter had her plastic toy castle on my coffee table and was spraying it with lysol and it ate through the varnish on my coffee table leaving a castle imprint. tsssst tssst is the sound of destruction and trouble.

    yup she looks like trouble to me and she yikes it!

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  42. How can you be upset with such a sweet little face!! Too cute.

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  43. SOOOO CUTE! She's such a little cutie patootie and I bet she does smell pretty like oranges! HA!

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