Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Big Bill

“Oh my gosh!” I shouted as I gripped the letter. I waited for Tom to shout back, “What is it?” but he didn’t. No, he continued to play his computer game. Sometimes I want to smack whoever created Call of Duty.

I stepped a little closer to where Tom sat. For once he didn’t have his headphones on so there was no excuse why he didn’t hear me.

“Oh my GOSH!” I tried again.

Nothing.

Sometimes it’s frustrating that he can get so lost in his game. I try and remind myself that he’s not a Mom, therefore he can easily shut off all his senses. Unlike me, who, as I’m writing this now, has my ears set to what Natalie is doing (playing with her Little People and munching on some grapes.)

“My gosh,” I said for the final time and then tossed the letter into Tom’s lap.

“What the HELL?” he yelled, jumping. A bunch of explosions appeared on the screen and then the words You’ve been killed by…. popped up. “Amber. You just got me killed. What in the…” He punched a few buttons and picked up the letter. “What’s this?”

“What we owe for Natalie’s hospital stay in Denver,” I answered sweetly.

Tom frowned, scanning for the amount. When he found it, he turned pale and went, “Seriously?”



“Mmmm,” I said lightly, scratching my arm.

“Do we have to....pay this?” Tom’s skin was still an unhealthy white.

“Yup,” I teased but then I quickly went, “No, no, insurance covers it, don’t pass out!!” Because after I had gone “yup” Tom had slumped over a bit. It really is a good thing he’s not married to one of those Housewives of Orange County who don’t think twice about dropping six grand on one dress.

“Thank goodness for insurance then,” Tom said, handing me back the letter.

“Yup. Thank goodness for insurance. Now I have to make a phone call to Verizon because while we were in the hospital, Natalie downloaded something onto my phone which ended up costing us another ten bucks on the bill,” I said.

Seriously. I have no idea what the little minx put on my phone. I had given it to her, to distract her as they put in her IV when we were at the hospital. She had happily punched a bunch of buttons, enjoying the way the screen flicked to different colors. From the corner of my eye I saw something that said, “Thank you for purchasing….” and I snatched it back.

“What did you purchase?” I asked stupidly. I mean, hello, like she’s going to tell me.

“Uh oh,” the nurse said.

Uh oh, indeed. Then I got our cell phone bill and sure enough, Natalie had indeed bought something.

So I dialed Verizon’s number and waited…

And waited….

And waited….

“Can I please just speak to a human being?!” I wailed.

Then I was told to say what I needed help with and they’d transfer me accordingly.

“My daughter downloaded something and I want to know what the crap it was!” I yelled.

There was a tinkling noise and then, “Could you repeat that?”

Great, I had confused the computer.

“MY DAUGHTER DOWNLOADED SOMETHING AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE CRAP IT WAS!”

There was another tinkling noise and then I was told I was being transferred.

Finally.

A human.

When one picked up I went, “Are you real or a computer?”

She laughed. “I’m real.”

So then I told her the problem and she found it hilarious—of course she would, my daughter’s mistake earned her company an extra ten bucks—but she didn’t quite know what Natalie downloaded.

“Look in the ring tones,” she suggested.

I did. Nothing.

“Hmmmm,” she kept mumbling.

Eventually I found a tiny recording that Natalie had made. She just went, “Blahhh,” into it and I guess she had set it to a ringtone. So that’s what cost me the extra money. A recording of my daughter going, “Blahhh.” Fantastic.

Mystery solved though.

And, by the way, Natalie is never touching my phone again. What would she do next, make a recording of her going, “Booooo?”

48 comments:

  1. Hey, this is a GREAT way to get your husband to not yell at you for making a small purchase! Just show him the huge bill, let his blood pressure go through the roof then tell him you don't have to pay it. Then while his heart rate is settling back down tell him about the $100 shoes you bought. He'll be too exhausted to argue! :)

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  2. Fifteen thousand?!?!? Holy mother of pearl. Thank you, insurance.

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  3. I got a hospital bill for $30,000 one time. I nearly sh!t before my wife assured me it was covered.
    It is really an attention getter.

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  4. My heart stopped at the sight of that bill...yay for insurance! It cost like $20,000 to deliver my daughter...what do people without it do?

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  5. Uninsured people don't go to the doctor...because when they end up having a 3 year old in the ER 3 times in one day, then admitted the hospital for 3 days they end up having to file bankruptcy. Ahem...not like I would know or anything... :)

    Anyway...my daughter always gets a hold of my phone and makes random calls. There is some strange stuff in my call history! :)

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  6. yipeee for insurance! You hate paying the premiums but then when a bill like this comes in it is worth every penny!

    Don't feel bad about the $10 phone charge Nat did....I am sure Kyle broke some kind of texting record last month with 10,817 text messages....yep.....thats right...we have a winner!!!!!

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  7. Thats about what $5000 for a blanket, $2500 for the sheets.... I hate the way medical places do that stuff. But thank heavens for insurance. By the way don't feel bad, my kids download stuff all the time and their old enough to get it. One downloaded nick tv to my phone while we were at therapy. I about was less a kid.

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  8. Oh my goodness. And that was just one part of the whole - I don't think I want to know what the "grand" (and its definitely "grand" in size) total was...

    ...How is Natalie? Is she healed? healing?

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  9. awww that was so sweet of her to give you a ring tone! :) Glad that you didn't have to pay that monstrous bill, thank God for health insurance!

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  10. Thank goodness for insurance indeed! :)

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  11. And yet somehow we can't get a bill passed that will ensure the millions of Americans without coverage. Isn't it scary to think that 65% of Americans would have no insurance if they lost their jobs? It scares the hell out of me when I saw the 10K hospital bill for the c-section with my daughter. Fortunately all I had to pay was a a small co-pay. Many others aren't so lucky. OK. Of my soapbox now.

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  12. Thanks goodness that in Italy we have "almost" free health care, we never even see a bill like this, it's scary.

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  13. I would have totally freaked at that bill, but then again - our insurance would probably decide *not* to pay for it.

    BTW so happy Natalie is better, so worth the $10 'hospital' charge ;)

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  14. I can completely relate to this post. I am a video game widow.

    I've also stopped handing my iphone to my son in the car. I've heard too many, "Uh oh, what did I just do..." coming from the back seat.

    :-)

    Jenna

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  15. Holy crap! Thank goodness for insurance!

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  16. Hahaha! I too yell at computers in my phone and I hate when they don't understand me.

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  17. Wow, I am still having trouble getting ringtones on my phone and your little one had no problem with it! That bill would have sent my husband into convulsions!

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  18. Thank GOD you have insurance. I pity the people who don't. Everything is SO expensive. I just visited my gyn and a doctor's visit is $158! Luckily I only had to pay $20.

    $10 just to hear Natalie go "Blaaah!" Seriously? You can hear it for free a million times a day! LOL!

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  19. That is a number with which I only know as "what I owe Sallie Mae this month." Insurance? Yeah, I gotta get me some of that.

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  20. Ten dollars for that? Ugh.

    At least you don't have to pay the hospital bill. There are days when, if I got a bill like that, I might take the child in question back to the hospital and tell them they could have that child as a payment.

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  21. woah, 15 grand for a small hospital stay!!! Good thing for insurance.

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  22. I swear I could say whatever I want to my husband when he's playing video games and he doesnt hear a word I say. I use it to my advantage whenever possible.

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  23. Holy mother that is a big bill!!! I would die. Then yell. Then calm down after I realized the insurance would pay for it.

    Oh cute Natalie...I'm sure it was a cute blahhh!

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  24. That's a crazy hospital bill...it's all the $100 per dose Tylenol they give out. And the $300 bandaids.

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  25. That is one serious hospital bill! All I can say is thank eff we have free health care here!

    Oh and I've done a bunch of voice overs for those ring tone/game companies and I always feel like a bit of a prostitute when I do them!

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  26. Thank goodness insurance paid!

    Oh, children and cell phones. And cell phones and charges. And the intersection of those items.

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  27. Thank goodness insurance covered it!!! Comparing it to the $10, though, I'd be willing to pay for the new ring tone.

    ~WM

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  28. I say you should use that $10 ringtone....get your moneys worth out of it, lmao

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  29. Stopping by from SITS! Thank goodness for insurance, indeed!

    And for the record, I HATE the computer software that directs your call. It NEVER recognizes my voice. Grrr....

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  30. I guess paying ten bucks sure beats 15,000! For the record, I think all men need to be scared from their video games into reality sometimes. My response is usually at least I didn't get you killed in "real" life!

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  31. My hubby doesn't play video games but he watches TV with the same intensity.

    Hospitals and doctors pad their bills immensely. When you see the difference between what they charge and what your insurance company actually pays because of "preferred provider" statuses it's ridiculous. If you don't have insurance and you go to the billing dept and explain that you cannot pay and might have to file bankruptcy (thereby they get nothing) they will significantly reduce your bill. Because nothing costs as much as they bill.

    ♥Spot

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  32. Yes, how is Natalie? Things healed up fine?

    Those bills make my heart stop. Even with insurance I still cringe.

    Verizon and $10, ya got off cheap.

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  33. cell phone bills sometimes give me an almost- heart attack!

    have a great wkend!

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  34. Yikes! I guess I will not complain about the cost of health Care in Canada anymore!

    Shane

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  35. Yikes! I guess I will not complain about the cost of health Care in Canada anymore!

    Shane

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  36. Yikes! I guess I will not complain about the cost of health Care in Canada anymore!

    Shane

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  37. I'm sorry, but Natalie's little minxy escapades make me laugh and smile like crazy. She's awesome.

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  38. My husband is addicted to a golf game on the play station. He is on there for hours.

    Wow! Thank goodness for insurance!

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  39. My husband doesn't play video games, whats his excuse for not listening...

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  40. Let's not stifle the little darling's creativity, now! After all, it could have been MUCH worse!

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  41. Visiting from SITS! I always tell my 20 month old that if she downloads something on my phone or via X-Box live, it is coming out of her bank account.

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  42. Fifteen thousand?!?!? Holy mother of pearl. Thank you, insurance.

    Work from home India

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  43. LOL - glad that your insurance is covering that BIG bill - geez! :o) Sorry about the $10 but happy you were able to get it resolved.

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  44. Did you get your money back on the phone charge?? 'Cause I reallllly hate Verizon!!

    Thank God for insurance!! Bella's care while I was pregnant, her c-section birth, and TWO ICU one week stays totalled over $365,000!!!!

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  45. You should totally make that your ring tone :)

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