1. Why does Chris Harrison, the host of The Bachelor feel the need to stroll out and announce that it’s the last rose of the night? Duh Chris Harrison. We can all SEE that there is one rose left. I realize that some of the women’s intelligence might be in question but I can almost guarantee that they can all count to one.
2. Fox has a new show called Our Little Genius or something like that. Tom saw the preview and went, “Natalie could be on that,” and I went, “Tom. When you ask Natalie what her name is she says nose. If you ask how old she is she says grass. She’s a smart kid but genius she is not…”
3. I always seem to be behind slow people in drive thrus. I’m not sure if these people are aware, but drive thrus are for people in a hurry. Drive thrus are for people with impatient two year olds who are screaming, “FRIES NOW!” in the backseat. But some people go to the drive thru and are all, “Yes, I’d like a burger but I only want the bun lightly toasted, just a bit of cheese, only one onion and….crap, nevermind, I think I’ll have the nuggets but not if they come out overcooked..” If your order is complicated, go inside. If you order half the menu, go inside. If you don’t know what you want when you pull up to the speaker, GO INSIDE!
4. Natalie screwed something up with the TV yesterday. This is why I need to put the remote control out of reach. I finally figured out how to fix it but it was after I had thrown the remote angrily across the room and called it an asshole (not in front of the kids, don’t worry.)
5. Remember awhile back when Tom ordered some Girl Scout cookies and didn’t bother to get me some Caramel Delights because he couldn’t remember what I liked? Well, he made it right. A guy at work was selling some for his daughter and Tom called and was all, “What do you like again?” *Sighs* We had had the conversation less than a week ago but still I said, “Caramel Delights.” We hung up and then a few second later he called back. “They don’t have Caramel Delights,” he insisted. “Yes, they do. The Girl Scouts would never get rid of Caramel Delights,” I said calmly. “No really, I don’t see Caramel Delights on the order form,” Tom replied. “Are Samoas there?” I asked. It was silent and then Tom went, “Yes! Samoas are there. Do you want those instead?” I went, “Tom, it’s the same thing as Caramel Delights,” and he went, “Then why aren’t they called Caramel Delights?” So I had to explain that in different areas, cookies are sometimes called different things and Tom went, “Girl Scouts are confusing.”
6. “Greetings, Sire,” I said to Tom as I dipped down into a curtsey. Tom didn’t even miss a beat when he said, “You’ve been watching The Tudors again, haven’t you?”
7. I really tried to like Jersey Shore since so many people were buzzing about it. But I couldn’t get into it. I sat down to watch the first episode and as soon as some guy said that he was called The Situation I turned it off. I’m sorry, but no. Just...no.