Monday, January 11, 2010

No Skulls At Dinner

“Remember to smile, Tom.” I even put a smile on my face and twisted my fingers in the corners of my cheeks for emphasis.

“Why?” Tom grumbled.

“Because when you stand there looking pissed off, you scare people!” I lectured. Seriously, people have come up to me and whispered, “Why does your husband look so upset? He’s scary!” My husband isn’t scary. He really is harmless, he just tends to look pissed off half the time. I think that’s just the way he looks. Who knows?

“I’ll smile if want,” Tom said.

“Do you want to scare off all my friends?” I asked. We were going to dinner at my friend Amanda’s house.

“I won’t scare anyone off!” Tom insisted.

I frowned at his shirt. “Is that what you’re wearing?”

Tom peered down at his shirt with a skull on it. “Yeah. Why?”

“It has a skull on the front. Suppose she thinks we’re crazy?”

Tom was confused. “Why would she think I was crazy for wearing a skull? There’s nothing wrong with this skull.”

I sighed. “Couldn’t you wear a nice polo or something?”

Tom made a face. “Hell no. You know I hate wearing polos!”

This is true. I have no idea why. He claims polos are too preppy for his liking. And he refuses to wear sweaters too. Most of his shirts have sayings on the front. (My favorite? The one that says Save The Trees! Wipe Your Ass With An Owl!) But still, he’s getting older, therefore he should wear more appropriate shirts. But he refuses.

“You can’t wear a shirt with a skull on it,” I said.

“Fine! I won’t!” Then Tom thundered up the stairs. When he came back down, he was wearing his Chuck Norris t-shirt.

“Tom,” I said, groaning. “Do you have to wear that?”

Tom was genuinely surprised. “What’s wrong with Chuck Norris? Chuck Norris rocks. Every man loves Chuck Norris.”

“Not every man, Tom,” I said. “Not every man loves Chuck Norris.”

Tom pointed at me sharply. “You take that back.”

I sighed. Tom was giving me a headache. “Fine. Wear Chuck Norris.”

Tom was pleased. “Thanks.”

“I’m going to shower.”

“Why?” Tom asked.

“Uh, so I smell nice.”

“Who cares what you smell like? It’s a casual dinner.” He lifted up his arm and sniffed his pit. “Ahhh. I smell like a man.”


“Just…put on some deodorant,” I insisted before going upstairs.

After my shower, I popped my head into Tommy’s room. “Remember to be on your best behavior. I know she doesn’t have kids your age but just remember to be nice. Okay?”

Tommy nodded. “I will.”

“And don’t do that thing where you chew on your clothes,” I added.

For some reason, Tommy has started to chew on his clothes. And if it’s not his clothes, it’s a rolled up piece of paper. It’s disgusting, really.

“I won’t,” Tommy said, annoyed.

“And…no talking about farts and butts and boogers,” I said.

Tommy giggled. “Mommy! I won’t!”

As I was brushing Natalie’s hair, I reminded her to be good.

“I be good,” she promised.

“I’ve heard that promise before,” I said. She’s told me she’ll be good and the second I step into a store, she’s acting like a wild animal that desperately needs to be caged.

“If you don’t like what she makes, eat it anyway,” I warned Tom on the drive over. Tom is one of the pickiest eaters around. He doesn’t like pot roast. What guy doesn’t like pot roast? It’s a delicious hunk of meat (as is John Krasinski. Sorry. Had to throw that in there.)

“I’m not going to eat something I don’t like, Amber,” Tom said, rolling his eyes.

“Yes, you will. I won’t have you insulting her,” I said sternly.

Thankfully Tom liked what Amanda made. So did I. She made this chicken sandwich thing that was delicious. Plus pasta salad, which Tom just loved.

“Why can’t you make stuff like this?” Tom joked as he took a bite.

I kicked him lightly under the table. “Why can’t you make stuff like this? Why should I do all the cooking anyway?”

The kids also behaved, thank goodness. And someday I’ll probably have her family over for dessert. Not for dinner because A) I don’t know what to make that would feed that many people and B) I don’t want to poison them.


  1. My husband never smiles either. I get really sick of the questions "What's wrong with him? Is he mad?" Nope, that's just what his face looks like.

  2. My husband never smiles either. I get really sick of the questions "What's wrong with him? Is he mad?" Nope, that's just what his face looks like.

  3. Everyone always thinks my husband's pissed off, too. I don't know how many times my parents have come over, only to have my mom whisper to me "what's wrong with him?" Oh nothing, he's just always like that.

  4. Your hubby sounds too funny! Have a great Monday sweetie! Kori xoxo

  5. my husband wont let me wear my KISS tshirt anywhere :( glad you had a good dinner..

  6. You could make Spaghetti!

    Hmm... with Natalie and Tommy, maybe thats not the best idea.

  7. Glad everyone behaved.

    My husband wears a ball cap wherever he goes. And suspenders. And he refuses to take either of them off. Yeah. Not happy about that. Gotta accept him that way I guess. But seriously, can't he just remove his hat?

  8. “And…no talking about farts and butts and boogers,”

    If I had a nickle for everytime I've said that to my Littleman I'd be Queen of the World!

  9. make Tom's favorite brownies!!

  10. I'm such a picky eater too. That's why I usually have people over. LoL! :)

  11. I think men purposely wear shirts we hate...glad it all worked out and you had some fun! Happy New Year!

  12. My Hubs is the fashionista of our house. He's probably embarassed about what I wear.

  13. To feed a lot of people just double the recipe on whatever you already make. And add LOTS of bread. Enough bread to feed an army. You'll be good.

    Love the shirt debate.

  14. I think Tom and my husband must be related. I just go ahead and lay what I want him to wear out while he's in the shower. He could care less and doesn't seem to understand why I think that what he wears is a reflection on me. Also, he has the pissed off look as well. And that is just his normal look. It may be the shaved head.


  15. Curtis likes preppy shirts and almost always wears a button-up, thank goodness ... but when we were younger, he had this T-shirt that I HATED. Wanna know why?

    It said Recreational Gynecologist.

    Ugh! I'd rather have a skull or Chuck Norris any day. :)

  16. Its awesome when things just work.

  17. That is too funny! Especially since it's me asking my man if the shirt I am wearing is appropiate. I tend to be the thsirt wearer and all of them have a logo or saying on them (mainly a band called Clutch) and over 90% of them are black. I keep saying one day I will make my clothing selection match my age but not yet :)

  18. Hilarious!! And John Krasinski...yummy!!

  19. Mmmm.. i think my hubby sounds a bit like Tom.. though I have had a good influence (clothing wise) on hubby since we've been together.. I mean come on now, someone had to!!!!

  20. Luckily, my hubby has started coming around to the whole "dress your age" thing. He used to have a thing against shirts that "had a collar" and would have nothing to do with them. Good luck with that! You crack me up!

  21. Glad dinner went well!

    I think I have to agree with Tom on the whole Chuck Norris thing. I'm pretty sure most guys do love him.

    But I also have to agree on the whole "dress your age" thing with skirts.

    Have a great Monday.

  22. No farts and butts and booger??? Was there anything left to talk about :-)

    Great story. Glad you all had fun.


  23. Actually, my husband doesn't like Chuck Norris. So. You are right, your husband's wrong.


  24. Every sane man and woman likes Chuck Norris. It's like a rule, you must like the Norris. If not the Norris will bring the hammer down on you.

  25. My husband does the cooking so I'm happy when we have people over for dinner! I don't have to do a thing!

  26. He sounds like my husband. I recently got my hubby to wear a cashmere sweater and almost danced around when he said... he like it? Weird!

  27. Hi there...check out my blog today...there is a gift waiting for you! I love your blog!

  28. Men, manners and style at least ya'll could count on the kids! Heeeheeheh!

    Have a greatly blessed day!!!

  29. Ahhh the old 3 kids... 2 real kids and a husband.

  30. Chuckle. Great post.

    Boogers, smelling of armpits and Chuck Norris temper tantrum.

    Most excellent :)

  31. Yay for good dinner and good kids!

    My husband is (verrrrry slowly) getting rid of his "immature" shirts. Unfortunately, they're being replaced by nice shirts at least two sizes too big for him. Baby steps, I suppose...

  32. THAT is my kind of dinner party...butts, boogers and Chuck Norris...classy, I tell you...pure classy!!


  33. I was going to say that it's too bad fondues went out of vogue. All you had to do was make some dips, hack up a bunch of food and let the guests cook it themselves. Probably not a good idea until the kids are older though :)

    My hub has a t-shirt that says "DIGGER. THE LAST MAN TO LET YOU DOWN" on it. I could probably handle it if it wasn't brown with big gold letters...

  34. Tom pointed at me sharply. “You take that back.”
    I sighed. Tom was giving me a headache.

    I love you both...

  35. I love cooking for bigger crowds, so much fun!

  36. It's nice to go to someone's home for dinner, especially since I don't cook!

  37. Love how the two of you interact. Jon regularly forgets to put on deodorant. Drives me crazy to have to ask him if he remembered his deodorant and brushed his teeth. I am a little jealous your friends asked you over for dinner. Mine don't...maybe cause Jon stinks and I look pissed off 50% of the time? lol

  38. A lot of people think my husband is unfriendly until they get to know him. He's just quiet when he doesn't know people. Once you get him going, though, he won't shut up. I'm glad it all went well.

  39. I don't get told off for the content of the teeshirt, just the state of them. For example, I had to pick through five teeshirts tonight before I found one that passed my wife's not-too-creased test.

    I wouldn't mind, but she hardly ever irons her own stuff. You'd think people in glass houses wouldn't throw stones, wouldn't you?! :)

  40. A friend of mine dated a guy who dressed like Vanilla Ice. A few "accidents" with the iron soon put a stop to that!
    PS I thought everyone like Chuck Norris. He rocks ;P

  41. A friend of mine dated a guy who dressed like Vanilla Ice. A few "accidents" with the iron soon put a stop to that!
    PS I thought everyone like Chuck Norris. He rocks ;P

  42. The "Save a tree (Wipe your ass with an owl)" t-shirt made me snort.

    That's pretty fantastic.

  43. Your Hub cracks me up. I am not afraid of you Tom!!!!

  44. I don't love Chuck Norris. How about t shirts with rock groups on them or something?

  45. Stopping in from SITS to see what all the talk of skulls was about. For the record every teen loves Chuck Norris too- have you seen the Chuck Norris pins/buttons/whatever htey're called on Facebook?! There are hundreds- all confirming the line of reasoning that Chuck Norris Rocks.

    That supper sounds delish-

    For your turn, what about pizza? OR shepard's pie- two can't go wrong when you have alot of people dishes.

  46. ps. I totally forget to mention- my 7 yo chews on her clothes, or her hair, or paper. After researching for homeschool, I've learned that these are all "quirks" of gifted children- who need a physical outlet for all of the energy being created in their brain to go. Otherwise they'd probably have a nervous breakdown- you do notice how a lot of "geniuses" went mad or were considered crazy...

    Anyways, we are trying to get her hooked on chewing sugarless gum instead, but for some reason, that only makes her pull the gum out of her mouth and twirl it all around... while she's trying to do something like work on the computer or read... ew.

  47. Some people have a face that naturally scowls. Tom sounds like one of's unfortunate, but he really will have to make the extra effort to plaster a smile on his face at all times.

    ha-don't chew on your clothes!!

  48. My husband must shop the same thrift stores ( or has the same wardrobe left over from high school) as yours.
    HeMan Hubby always wears t-shirts with pics or ads for a local plumber or accounting firm or something else with a really stupid logo or saying... he has polos but only for work (on Not-suit days).
    I could deal with the t's but it's the Members Only jacket he keeps trying to wear! (it went to Goodwill a few years ago, but he keeps looking for it, sure it is the perfect jacket for every occasion!)

  49. My husband wear t-shirts that say things, too. I keep telling him he's too old for that.


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