So I admit it, I had been stalking Target all week.
Rumor had it that they’d be marking a bunch of toys 75% off.
The problem was, no one exactly knew when it would happen. Oh, there were rumblings that it might happen on Tuesday. So I went on Tuesday and nope, nothing. I’d march into the toy section with high expectations and be let down when I got to the area and saw the 50% off signs staring back up at me. Yeah, some might say 50% off was a good deal—but not for me—not when I’ve tasted the sweet nectar of 75% off.
Then on the forum I post at a few people thought that the toy sale might start on Wednesday.
So back to Target I went.
And…I was let down again.
“Why won’t you go down?” I fumed at the toys. Not really. I didn’t say that out loud because then I’d not only be the Lady Who Stalks Target but the Lady Who Stalks Target AND Talks To Herself.
Of course I didn’t walk away empty handed. No, they had marked shoes to 75% off so at least I got some sort of consolation prize in the form of ultra adorable red Mary Janes for Natalie.
“Thursday for sure!” a few people assured me on the forum.
So guess who was in front of Target bright and early on Thursday?
You have to understand that I am not a morning person. But I did this because I wanted the deals. I did this because both of my kid’s birthdays are in March and if I found toys for 75% off, it meant I didn’t have to pay full price for toys when it came closer to their birthdays. I know some people recognized me. One worker pointed her finger at me and looked as though she wanted to say, “You’re the nut that’s been here every day this week!” But she didn’t because she probably thought back to the work videos that were made in the 80s that she was forced to watch about Customer Etiquette. The woman in the video with the big 1980s hair probably drawled, “And we don’t ever make the customer feel bad. Even if she’s stalking the store and has been there every day of the week.”
My heart was thumping with excitement. This had to be the day. It had to be! Because, and I hated to admit it, I was a little tired of Target.
You have to understand that I love Target. It’s one of my favorite stores. When I walk through the door, I want to burst out into song and bellow, “Over there is the dollar spot where I bribe my kid to keep quiet so I can shop in peace, LALALA!” I don’t. Because then I’d be the Lady Who Stalks Target And Not Only Talks To Herself But Sings To Herself Too.
I rushed into the toy section, desperate to beat Old Lady Hog, my competition. She usually fills up two carts with toys. At first I thought, “Aw, shopping for Grandchildren,” but then I heard her on the phone bragging that she was going to make a mint selling all her stuff on eBay. Then I wanted to take stuff from the old bat’s cart. I didn’t though. But Old Lady Hog, she doesn’t like me because I found the last singing Brobee and she was not pleased.
“Where did you find that?” she had demanded.
“The shelf. Duh.” Okay, I didn’t add the ‘duh’ part because even though she’s one of those ebayers, one should still respect their elders.
Ever since then, whenever we’ve spotted each other we give sharp nods of acknowledgement and don’t bother to say a word.
But guess what?
The toys were STILL marked at 50% off.
“Frick!” I shrieked. Great. I was talking to myself. It’s what happens when you’ve been to the same store EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK. I found a bunch of Target workers marking down bedding and such and I wanted to say, “Hi there. Hi guys! How about instead of marking down ugly ass pillows, we concentrate on the toy section?” And then I’d make a sweeping motion with my hands towards the toy aisles.
I didn’t do this, don’t worry, it was just one of my aggravated at being at Target and being let down again thoughts.
So I went back home.
I got back on the forum all set to tell some people off. (“WTF do you MEAN that toys are 75% off? Where are you getting your flipping information?”) But then I saw some people were talking about the 75% off sale. Some stores had gone 75% off.
Frick, frick, frick.
Then it came to the afternoon and someone said, “My Target just finished marking down toys to 75% off. They were running behind.”
So I decided to call my Target. A woman answered and I went, “Yes, hello, did the toys go 75% off?”
“Huh? I don’t know,” she said and then there was silence.
“Do you have time to check?” I asked sweetly.
“Huh? I guess,” and then I heard a clunk.
Then I heard a beeping sound and figured she hung up on me. But no, she just transferred me to the toy department.
“Toy department,” a gruff male voice said.
“Hello, did the toys happen to go to 75% off?”
“RON! DID THE TOYS GO 75% off?” he screamed.
Um. Eardrum on the other end of the phone, dude.
“Yeah. They did. Just now,” the guy told me.
“Okay. Thank you!” I said and hung up.
Then I started racing around like a mad woman. Tom had just woken up since he works the night shift and he watched me from the couch with knitted eyebrows.
“Did a bug fall down your shirt or what?” he asked.
“Target…sale…SEVENTY FIVE PERCENT OFF!” I started yanking on my jeans. Usually around the house I wear my comfy pants. I wasn’t naked or anything.
“Where are you going?” Tom wondered.
Was he deaf?
“TARGET!” I shrieked. “The toys…they’ve finally gone 75% off. I’ve got to go.” I grabbed my keys and ran out the door.
Then when I got to Target I saw a woman loading a bunch of toys into the trunk of her car. What did she buy? Did she take all the toys? WAS THAT THE LAST YO GABBA GABBA SET?
“Hi,” I said cheerfully. “So it’s true? The toys went 75% off?”
She jumped and put a hand to her heart. “Oh! You scared me!” She looked at me suspiciously.
“I’ve just been waiting for this sale forever,” I said.
She shoved a bag into her car. A bag FILLED with a bunch of dolls. Did she take all the dolls? Who could possibly need 6 dolls?
“Oh. I just happened to be shopping today and the toys were on sale.” She shrugged like it was no big deal. She hadn’t been to Target every day waiting like I had. She had just wandered in and grabbed what she wanted.
Sometimes life isn’t fair.
“So…I’m going to go now,” the girl said.
“Right. Yes. Goodbye,” I said and hurried to Target. I grabbed a cart and hurried into the toy section...
....and yes, everything was finally 75% off.
As I was putting toys into my cart, another woman wandered beside me.
“Isn’t this fun?” I gushed as I stuck a creepy Yo Gabba Gabba toy into my cart.
She frowned. “Fun?”
“You know. Because of the deals?” I swept my arm over the aisle of amazing deals. Couldn't she see? Where else can you find a play kitchen for only twenty bucks?
She scratched her chin. “I guess?” She picked up a baby toy and stared at it. Hmmm. I guess deals don’t thrill her.
I finished ten minutes later. I didn’t buy too much, I’m proud to say. I picked up Wendys for Tom on the way home and when I walked through the door I handed over the bag.
“What’s this?” Tom said, confused.
“A burger. For you!”
Tom craned his neck around me so he could focus on the car. “What did you get? Did you get me this burger so I wouldn’t ask you how much you spent?”
Actually....no, I didn’t even think about that. But after Tom said it I thought it sounded like a pretty good idea.
“How much did you spend?” Tom tried again.
“I got this giant dinosaur that was originally $129 for $32!”
“How much did you spend?”
“And the Yo Gabba Gabba toys for Natalie’s birthday!”
“How much did you SPEND?”
“Old Lady Hog wasn’t even there. She probably didn’t think the sale started today,” I continued lightly.
Tom sighed. “I know what you’re doing.”
He did? Because I didn’t really know what I was doing. I figured if I kept talking then Tom would give up asking me the question. That’s what they do on Gilmore Girls. Luke wants to know an answer from Lorelei so she just talks about other things or just says something completely bizarre.
“Go on, eat your burger or it’ll get cold,” I urged.
Tom stared into the bag. “Fine. But this isn’t over. I’ll find out how much you spent. I can just look on the account, you know.”
“The electric chair was invented by a dentist. Did you know that? I’m not surprised, dentists are evil, evil people.”
Tom gaped at me for a few seconds. “I’m just going to go eat now.”
“Enjoy!” I said cheerfully.
This is what I got:
Guitar was $7, Yo Gabba Gabba thing was $8, and the Trio set was $10.
Snow White was $5, Yo Gabba Gabba was $5, and the airplane was $8.
This was only $5!
Both kids will have fun with this.
And seriously, the thing was only $32 marked down from $129!
When Tom saw me carrying the dinosaur box in he went, "What in the world is that?"
"An awesome remote control dinosaur!"
I thought Tom would lecture me or something on how we didn't need an ultra cool giant dinosaur--I even braced myself for it--but no, instead he went, "Can we open and play with it now?"