Thursday, February 11, 2010

No Pamprin Please

“Geez, chill out. Can I get you some Pamprin or something?” Tom asked with a scowl.

What lead up to that comment?

Well, I’ll tell you.

I was getting ready to leave for my movie with my friend Amanda. We were going to see Dear John. It’s based on a Nicholas Sparks book. Have I mentioned that I love his books? Of course he tends to go for the depressing endings but I sort of like that. Sometimes I don’t need to see a couple walk off together into the sunset.

Anyhow, the movie was starting during dinnertime and I wanted to make sure Tom knew what to feed the kids. If I didn’t give him instructions he’d probably hand over a can of frosting and cheese whiz and say, “Have at it, kids.” Then I’d be stuck dealing with their sugar highs while he’d amble over to the computer and think that his job was over since I was back.

No, I’m kidding though, I think he could figure out something on his own. He’d probably grab his wallet and be all, “Who wants some McNuggets?”

“So you’ll be making Sloppy Joes,” I said to Tom, who didn’t seem to be paying much attention to me. He was stretched out on the couch watching television. This drives me crazy. How hard is it to look at me? When one converses with you, it’s polite to turn and face them.

“The meat is in the fridge,” I continued. “The buns and the can of Manwich are on the counter. Okay? Okay Tom?”

Nothing.

“It drives me crazy when you don’t ACKNOWLEDGE me,” I said. I was half tempted to hurl my purse at his bald head. “You’re watching Wonder Pets, how stimulating can it be? A chick, turtle, and guinea pig are saving a zebra. In what universe does that make sense?”

Tom scratched his arm. “I heard you about the dinner. I’m not stupid.” Well, okay, I know that but sometimes I’ve been known to question his intelligence. I mean, he forgot to delete his search history once and I really wanted to know that he was browsing the web for ‘Katie Holmes nude.’ (I got him back by leaving up ‘Lorena Bobbit story’ in my search, don’t worry.)

“I just like to be acknowledged. Okay? OKAY?” Tom was back to watching the TV. Maybe he was concerned for the zebra’s safety, who knows.

“When Tommy gets home from school you’ll need to get him a snack. Okay? OKAY?” Seriously, I should have hurled the purse at him. “If you could just LOOK AT ME I WOULDN’T HAVE TO STAND HERE SHOUTING!”

That’s when Tom uttered the words. “Geez, chill out. Can I get you some Pamprin or something?” He named the PMS medicine that I’ve been known to take. It’s mainly for my headaches and bloating but on the box it says something about helping with the irritability too.

“I’m going to go,” I said to Tom.

Natalie rushed over and attached herself to my leg.

“Stay here,” she begged.

I picked her up and kissed her cheek. “I’m going to a movie. I’ll be back later.” Then I deposited her on Tom’s lap and ran out of the house. Trust me, it’s easier that way. The longer I stay, the harder Natalie takes it.

At the theater I got my popcorn with butter and salt. It was like a heart attack in a bag but so good. The movie was entertaining. I was distracted at first because there was a father with an autistic son in the movie. He looked really familiar and I kept going, “Who is he? What has he been in?” I seriously HAVE to figure out the answer or else I remain distracted. But then it hit me…

He played the kid in ET! Elliot! And the brother in Legends of the Fall who got shot and died. (Sobs!)

I was able to relax and enjoy after I figured it out.

They changed the ending in the movie. That’s all I’ll say so I won’t give anything away. This sort of annoyed me a bit. Can’t they just keep book endings?

It was nice to get out though. When I got home I said to Tom, “Say something romantic to me,” because the guy in the movie was pretty romantic.

Tom replied, “I filled up the ice tray.”

I’ll take it.

43 comments:

  1. I filled up the ice tray?! LOL. Hilarious!

    You really have a comical way of writing. :)

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  2. My husband does the same damn thing and it drives me CRAZY!

    It must be a man thing...

    Sometimes I try to do it back, and just totally ignore him when he asks me questions. But he doesn't seem to notice. *sigh*

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  3. Oh.. men...
    I don't know about them. I like to talk to my husband during the hockey game. Then he's so annoyed that I'm talking that he pauses the game - so I know I have his undivided attention.

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  4. It takes a lot to make me laugh out loud while reading but those last two lines did it for me. Classic!

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  5. It takes a lot to make me laugh out loud while reading but those last two lines did it for me. Classic!

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  6. That's right up there with, "I put the seat down."

    Mmm, talking dirty.

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  7. I wouldn't want to question your beloved's thought process, but to actually mention Pamprin.
    Not smart.

    Maybe if you sat on him, you would get his attention.

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  8. The plot line in Wonder Pets is so abstract and complicated... if he'd turned away for a minute there is no telling what kind of analysis he and the kids would have come up with over their sloppy joe dinner.

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  9. haha! My husband won't acknowledge me when I'm speaking either. I usually have to nag, nag, nag, nag, did you HEAR ME? "yeah, I heard you." Yeesh. He does it in the middle of a store too, where there is more to distract him. And he is easily distracted. Did he actually feed the kids sloppy joes or did they end up with mcnuggets? ;)

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  10. I hate not being able to remember where people are from haha.

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  11. Yes - I hate it when they change book endings too. Popcorn - yum!
    Your husband sounds a bit like mine. Hmmm

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  12. Kendall, he actually made the Sloppy Joes. I was a little surprised. Granted, I had to clean up afterwards but still.

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  13. Yeah that would be my hubs idea of romance too.

    cant wait to see the movie, was curious how they would do the ending...I read the book quite a while ago

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  14. i HATE when the bf doesn't answer me while he's so engrossed in watching tv. the only difference between you and i is while you think about hitting him with something, i actually do. usually it's a spatula, for some reason.

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  15. How romantic! 'I filled up the icetray'... what a man!

    Now to the disturbing stuff. Frosting and cheese in a can? Um NO! Canned meats? Um NO! That is soooo wrong in soooo many ways.

    Frosting is made of sugar and water - why is it in a can? Cheese should be in a block and meat... well, it comes from an animal... not a can. You Yankees crack me up!

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  16. You know now that people who search "Katie Holmes nude" are going to be led to your blog. LOL

    This story reminds me, my boyfriend often quotes a Ron White bit where he says something like, "I think if you took a Midol, you wouldn't bitch quite so much."

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  17. Loved this blog entry, simply loooved it! Remember those potato guns from the good old days? Many times I've wished for one that could be loaded with Pamprin, making for the perfect bullets to ping nicely off bald head-targets at opportune times. It would be better than committing murder, as I don't think they can jail you for Potato Guns Gone wild.

    Glad you enjoyed the movie-- Puppet (my daughter) and I are headed that way tomorrow!

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  18. Not to show my suspicious side, but if MY hub filled up the ice tray, I'd say he was covering up something awful. Way worse than searching for Katie Holmes nude.

    And why WON'T they listen, acknowledge or make eye contact? It's like a genetic defect. Part of the testosterone poisoning, I think... Grrrrrr... Try offering HIM some Pamprin or a Midol some time. I'm just saying...

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  19. Love Nicholas Sparks!! Lmao @ Lorena Bobbit!! I'll need to remember that! Hey I'd take ice trays too!!

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  20. Stupid boys!

    You have an award over on my blog!

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  21. OMG. Curtis is THE SAME WAY about paying half-assed attention when I'm talking. I can just picture his brain turning my words into "blah blah blaaaaah." And the TV thing - he does that too. I don't care what it's on (and usually it's The Wonder Pets, or Dora, or something equally riveting), he stares at it like it's the most fascinating thing he's ever seen. Ugh!

    Glad you got some movie time. I'm jealous. :)

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  22. My hubby has learned from his 5 sisters to never blame irritability on PMS. Tom has some cajones to drop the Pamprin question. :)

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  23. My husband accuses me of not listening to him...it's kind of true since he tells me the same thing over and over and over (on the phone during the day, during hte drive home, in the kitchen over dinner clean-up) He sucks at remembering he ALREADY told me that not so amusing story about the annoying co-worker...twice :op

    So I tune him out ;) I think it's more than justified

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  24. jordan keeps a bottle of midol in the kitchen and in the cars for me, lol...so sweet! and i HATE when books change the ending!!!

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  25. It's a man thing. And the worst part? My sons are totally the same way. I HATE IT. I spend most of my life repeating myself and saying "Did you hear me? Hello?"

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  26. "I filled the ice tray."? Cute! How will he manage to top that for Valentine's Day?!

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  27. I can't wait to see that movie. It looks so good on the commercials.

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  28. If I had this many funny ideas, I'd be stringing them along over two weeks of posts, but you put them all into one perfectly constructed post that slays me. Why? Because you come up with twenty new ones for the next post as well. And then craft them into a perfectly modulated unfairly funny post as well. Does Pamprin do anything for jealous rage?

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  29. You have a romantic ice tray?? LOL! Men!

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  30. I have an award for you on my blog :)

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  31. Filling up the ice tray? Now thats true lurrrrrv.

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  32. After a night away, I think "Honey I did the dishes and put the kids to bed" would be about the sweetest words I could imagine! But, I'm with you... I'd take what I could get!

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  33. Whoa - now that was very romantic :-) Whenever my husband or sister or grandparents watch the kids, I type up a detailed list of instructions and print them out. It just seems easier that way.

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  34. Awww, such a sweet and romantic husband. Is he gonna vacuum something for Valentines? LOL! You keep me laughing! I love how you find the funny in frustrating situations!!

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  35. im laughing soo hard.. as usual...

    and btw- i hate it too when they change the endings.. i'm still pissed over "my sisters keeper"..

    have a great wkend

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  36. LMAO! "filled up the ice tray"...

    Oh gosh... thats so romantic... I need a tissue...

    ...to wipe the coffee I spit on the monitor laughing.

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  37. LOL, that is romantic!! :) I've been wanting to see that movie, that and Valentines Day. The other movie The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks had kind of a sad ending too, but he always writes such beautiful stories. Glad it was a good one!

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  38. that was priceless. I love your stories!

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  39. Ha, that's a lot better than, can I get you pamprin! BTW I swear Midol is a wonder drug they should market it for every known illness, pain, etc!

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  40. I'm a dork. I so did NOT realize that was 'elliot' in Legends of the Fall! Wow. I love that super sappy sad movie.

    I think if you started chunking your purse at T's head instead of saying 'Okay?' he might start to look at you more often when you talk...hehe.

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