Wednesday, February 24, 2010

There Is No Talking

**There are no spoilers in this entry**

“So who is that, why do they keep doing flashbacks, is that the same guy from that other show you watch? Party of something?” The questions just shot from my husband Tom’s mouth. For a brief second I was tempted to shove the couch pillow into it.

I mean, it was LOST night.

Tom knows that during Lost night that he has to keep quiet. There is no talking during Lost night.

I paused the show and glared at him. “I’m going to quickly answer your questions so you’ll be quiet: that is Hurley, they do flashbacks to show you what would have happened had they never gone to the island, and yes, that’s Matthew Fox who played Charlie on Party of Five. Now let’s hush.” I even placed my finger to my lips in case he didn’t understand the word. I pushed play, settled back on the couch, and began to watch.

“How is that Hurley guy still fat, aren’t they on an island, wouldn’t he lose weight?” Tom blabbered.

Oh my GOD.

Did he NOT just hear me? There is NO TALKING DURING LOST NIGHT. Just as there is no crying in baseball, there is NO TALKING DURING LOST NIGHT.

I paused the show again.

“How about you go to bed now?” I knew I was treating Tom like a child but he was acting like one. He knows Lost night is the one night that I ask for quiet. During any other of my shows he’s welcome to talk. Like when he’s actually awake for Grey’s Anatomy he’ll be all, “What happened to Izzy, did she die, why does someone always cry during this show it’s really annoying…” I will happily answer those questions. I tell him that no, Izzy is alive, and that I have no idea why someone always cries in the show. I imagine it’s because working in the hospital can be quite trying. Much as living with a husband WHO TALKS DURING LOST NIGHT is.

“I don’t want to go to bed,” Tom pouted. Now he was truly acting like a child. “You know, we have a DVR you can record the show and watch it later if I bug you so much.”

I sighed and rubbed my temples. We had been through this many times before. “I like to watch Lost live. That way when it’s over I can discuss it with people. Now…are you going to be quiet now?”

Tom nodded once so I pushed play.

During a poignant scene Tom snored and went, “What’s Charlie’s problem? What did he mean that he came back to the island because he was broken? Who says things like that, ‘I was broken?’ I feel like I should pull out a violin and start playing.”

I angrily paused the show.

“HIS NAME IS JACK HE PLAYED CHARLIE IN ANOTHER SHOW!”

Tom flinched. “Jesus. Calm down. I don’t watch this show all the time, I have comments.”

“Keep them to yourself. I am not interested.”

“You’re mean, do you know that?”

“Only during Lost night.”

“This is confusing me, do you want to go upstairs for some sex?”

I groaned. “No. I don’t want to go upstairs for some sex. I just want to watch my show in peace. Okay?”

Tom stuck his tongue out at me but he thankfully kept quiet for the rest of the show. But then when it was over he went, “Wait. That’s it?”

“Yes. Lost always ends with a climax.”

“But I thought it was the final season.”

“Yes, Tom, it is.”

“That was the last show ever?”

I sighed again. “Tom. That wasn’t the last show. It’s just a show for the FINAL SEASON. The final episode won’t air until May.”

“Because I was gonna say what a shitty ending,” Tom said with a frown.

“That wasn’t the final ending, Tom.”

“Oh. That’s the only reason why I wanted to watch. You said it was the final one.”

“I said it was an episode for the final season, Tom.” I got up and went into the kitchen for an Excedrin. Tom was seriously giving me a headache.

Remind me to jabber on during those military shows that he always watches. I’ll ask dumb questions like, “Who is Patton, who is responsible for that awful mustache that Hitler sported, what kind of airplane is that, and that, and that, and that, and oh, what kind of tank is that, and that, and that, and that?”

Let’s see how HE likes it.

51 comments:

  1. I can totally commiserate with you! I tape my shows and watch them when my husband isn't home because he just does NOT GET the no talking thing. It is so ANNOYING!!!

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  2. we have LOST night too! but my husband is into it thank god.

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  3. Lost requires complete and total silence for full concentration. And even then I have no idea what's going on. I'm pretty sure I have early onset Alzheimers. That can hit in your 30s, right?

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  4. Uh, I think I'm Tom. I totally do that to Jon whenever he watches History Channel, Scyfy, or some movie on FX. EEK!

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  5. My husband likes to watch LOST, kind of, but he has a horrible memory and can't keep everything straight so he's ALWAYS asking questions when I AM TRYING TO LISTEN!!! Argh...

    We need a PVR

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  6. :) You always make me laugh! My mom watches LOST, and apparenly I am your annoying husband! I haven't watched it, so when I tried to watch it, I was just that.. LOST! I guess i'll need to rent the dvds! At least I got bored of the show within five minutes, and went to bed!

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  8. My husband tells me LOST is lame but them he'll watch a few minutes and ask me a million questions. I want him to like it so I can convince him to watch it from the beginning with me when this season is over. So I answer his questions. And then sound like a raving maniac...because there is no succinct way to explain LOST.

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  9. I totally understand this. I WILL NOT watch LOST with anyone who hasn't been watching it right along. And there is definitely NO TALKING DURING LOST and God forbid if someone calls me between 9:00 and 10:00. The only person allowed to call is my sister (who is 10x the LOST fanatic than I) and those calls only occur during commercials, are only LOST related convos, and are subject to quick hang-ups when the show comes back on. What ever will we all do when this show is over?

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  10. how funny! we are only allowed to ask each other Lost questions during commercials...BTW thanks for stopping by my blog and helping make my SITS day so wonderful!

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  11. You should also point out that if all of those guys had just gotten together and shared their feelings, that everything could have been worked out without going to war. Perhaps they could have shared some hot cocoa. :)

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  12. you and my husband would get along famously!! i'm the talker, lol...

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  13. That's right! You show him! LOL.

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  14. This is stinking hilarious...I think all married women have been through a similar episode!!!!He better watch it, you might decide to not like his Keplar tires!

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  15. Just say " I'll show YOU a final season if you don't shut it."

    Trust me, he'll know what you're talking about.

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  16. I haven't watched last night's episode yet. SO glad this wasn't a spoiler! Hubby and I both LOVE "Lost" so we have to DVR it, and watch it when neither of us are in danger of falling asleep. Not that you could fall asleep during Lost, but just in case...
    Oh, and we wait to talk AFTER it's over, or we pause it when we have a question that can't wait. Full concentration is a MUST with that show, and I still can't figure anything out!

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  17. *giggle* Can you imagine how you guys will be when you're both, like, 80?! I totally can!

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  18. I think that you totally should. :)

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  19. OMG! Your husband and my KIDS! I swear-I hadn't heard a peep out of either of them until Lost came on. Then one decided to try to tell me about some misery that was inflicted on her in gym class and the other had to have help on her project right then. WTH!? Every week it's like this. They have some kind of 6th sense that tells them that mom is having "me" time.

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  20. Do it! lol

    My husband says he doesn't like the shows I watch, but when they are on, he is constantly asking questions. Who's that? Why did she do that? Blah blah blah?

    Shut up already, I thought you didn't like this show!

    Men.

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  21. hehe!

    i'm sorry but i'm having to laugh.. he sounds impossible!!

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  22. Ha ha ha.... You made me want to smash your husband because he was acting just like MINE.

    Lost is shut your mouth unless it is a commercial time.
    I have watched this since the beginning and you haven't so you so don't need to know why that blond guy was sitting next to the "hot tub".
    JUST SHUT UP ALL READY!!!
    I get all excited when he falls asleep before lost starts. Isn't that sad?

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  23. OMG! My husband donesn't talk except when there is a show I'm trying to pay attention on. Then he gets annoyed when I pause the show so he can finish... AND THEN SHUT UP!

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  24. I'd be afraid to ask those questions during the military shows for fear he'd really answer and I'd be bored to tears and sorry I asked! I wish Lost would go back to Wednesdays so I can have my Tuesday night TV back :(

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  25. I sooo understand! I hate it when someone talks in a show I am watching!

    JD and I go to the show and WATCH it. Not talk through it. Same with TV. I love hanging with my son! I taught him well!! =0)

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  26. Yes!!!! And the worst is when some walks in half way through the show/movie and wants you to "catch them up".

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  27. they certainly don't remember about paybacks later, do they? have fun annoying him! :)

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  28. How dare Tom talk through LOST! At least he didn't walk in the room and say, "your not watchin' this are ya" and proceed to change the channel. What's up with that??? Heeehehe!!!

    Have a beautiful day my dear!!!

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  29. Hahahahaha! Tom has the same questions as I do... Why is Hurley still fat?

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  30. This is hilarious! I think I'm Tom, though (sheepish smile). My hub HATES watching "his shows" with me, I'm sure. All I do is ask questions. In Tom's defense, we ask because WE CARE. (Go with me on this, Tom.)

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  31. Good God, that sounds like my own household except insert my kids' names for Tom's... Also, you can insert American Idol in addition to Lost because they're just as annoying. TALKING DURING SINGING?!? I don't think so.

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  32. ooooh! Makes me frustrated just reading about it. Hubs does that with movies which is probably why we don't watch many of them together. He's always asking questions like I've freakin' see it before or something. I usually end up gritting my teeth while telling him to just shut up and watch and I'm sure his question will be answered soon.

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  33. I've been watching Lost since the very first episode, and tried to tell my husband it was a show that he'd enjoy, so come along for the ride, but he chose to sit it out. Until the middle of season 4. Then he was sitting right next to me, asking questions, and I was all, "Oh, no. NO. We do not ask questions if we haven't been watching from the beginning." After that, about two more episodes into his fourth season viewing, he claimed to have the entire show figured out. "Oh, no. NO!" I said. So he, too, attempts to keep chatting during episodes and still hasn't watched the early episodes. My only wish is that Battlestar Galactica was still on so I could have my revenge!

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  34. hehe...very funny!! My husband talks during movies, too. So do my toddlers...hmm...*ponders*

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  35. I can't believe you don't have your own tv....

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  36. I SOOOOO feel your pain! I am lucky that my hubby likes it too so he is quite, but get him in front of American Idol and the banter is never ending. Poor dear, come to mine to watch it, we have a silence rule.

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  37. I do that to Ben, I'm afraid. I feel bad now.

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  38. OMG! It's not just husbands. When I stay at my Mum's, she always asks me what's going on in Eastenders (Brit Soap Opera). As if I know, I live in Japan, I only watch it once a year. Why is she asking me??!! Gah! BTW I lost interest in Lost after Season 1. It's just too complicated for my simple mind.

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  39. OMG! It's not just husbands. When I stay at my Mum's, she always asks me what's going on in Eastenders (Brit Soap Opera). As if I know, I live in Japan, I only watch it once a year. Why is she asking me??!! Gah! BTW I lost interest in Lost after Season 1. It's just too complicated for my simple mind.

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  40. I KNOW! I nearly clobbered CoTU (Center of the Universe) during American Idol last night!

    "Didn't we like him during Hollywood week?" "Which one did we think sounded like Jason Mraz?" "Couldn't someone tell him to update his hair?"

    Okay, the last one was valid-- wait, the last one was said by ME! --but the first two were just representative of about eleventeen comments that prove he can't keep these people straight... Grrrrr...

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  41. I just love when my husband comes into the bedroom while I'm watching a show and just starts a conversation with me, like I've been waiting with bated breath for him to talk to me! Then he'll stand in front of the tv and undress! Uh, HELLO, I AM watching tv, ya know?

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  42. You need to get noise canceling headphones to wear when you watch it and Tom's around.

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  43. I totally don't like Lost and my husband disappears into the basement when my shows are on but it is a different story when I get on the phone!! I already can't talk to anyone during the day and have a decent conversation because of my two under five year olds so I wait till after they are in bed and my husband is home. Then I will ask if there is anything he needs to discuss, he'll say "No" and disappear downstairs and I will get on the phone. And then he is up every FLIPPING 10 minutes, "what's this", "Where is that?", "Why didn't you do this?". Seriously can you not see that I am BUSY!!!! But if I don't get on the phone he never bothers me all evening. I still don't understand what is up with that.

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  44. I go in the bedroom and shut the door when my show is on. I have even been known to lock it to keep others out. I mean really- is it to much to ask for quiet for just a short time?

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  45. When holding the remote, I never feel sad about being alone!

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  46. Holy crap! I totally thought I missed something! I saw "Charlie" and "back on the island" and I was so confused! Obviously I need to pay more attention.
    Or not read after I've taken my nightly antihistamine.

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  47. Sweet Lord, my dad does that.

    My mom and I will be watching Gilmore Girls (which he hates) and he will come in, sit down and proceed to make snotty comments about it or ask questions.

    So, we have taken to pausing it, answering all his questions, entertaining all his suggestions for improvement and then stare at him until he goes away.

    I don't know if that would work for you or not. Your husband seems very persistent.

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  48. I LOVE this! Anyone who doesn't understand that there is NO talking during LOST just doesn't get it. My whole family knows that I do not accept phone calls between 9-10 on Tuesday (with the exception of my sister, who is allowed to call to discuss whatever just happened and understands the sudden need to hang up as soon as commercials are over). Now if only I could get my 7 month old trained to sleep through an entire episode....

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