Monday, February 22, 2010

Too Much Snow


There was snow.

A lot of snow.

There was a lot of snow and I had planned on driving to the YMCA to sign Tommy up for swim lessons. I pressed my nose against the window. Maybe the snow wasn’t so bad. I could drive through it, no problem. I could—wait—wait, crap. I squinted and saw that there was a car, about the same size as my own, stuck down the street.

That was not a good sign.

But I had to sign Tommy up for swim lessons. Saturday was the only day to do it.

I decided that my only option was to wake up Tom and have him take me. He has a gigantic truck. I don’t drive gigantic trucks. I don’t drive gigantic vehicles period. I’ve never felt comfortable in them. One time I sat in front of the wheel in Tom’s truck and I didn’t like the feeling. I know I should have felt in charge and powerful but I didn’t. Instead I felt like I was going to piss my pants.

I waited until two to get Tom up. He had worked the night shift and I knew he wouldn’t be pleased. But he had come to bed around six (and woke me up, I might add) and he’s always said that he really only needs five hours to be coherent. If I woke him up at 2, he’d have gotten at least eight hours so it would be okay.

I went into our room and rubbed Tom’s back.

“Tom,” I whispered.

He didn’t move.

“Tom,” I said again.

“Who ate the food?” Tom grumbled, turning over.

Huh? Sometimes he says the weirdest things. I should make a video and post it on YouTube just like that one wife who recorded her husband’s night time ramblings.

“No one ate anything. I need you to take us to the YMCA so I can sign Tommy up for swim lessons.”

One of Tom’s eyes cracked open. “Tommy?” He seemed confused, as though he had never heard the name before.

“Yes. Tommy. Your son. Your only heir,” I added.

Tom groaned into the pillow. “You’ve been watching The Tudors haven’t you?”

He always knows when I’ve been watching the The Tudors because I usually use the words “Majesty,” “heir,” and “we must go to the Tower of London someday!” after I’ve indulged in a few episodes.

“I already shoveled the driveway,” I said grandly. It had not been fun. It felt like the driveway went on forever. I was tempted to snap my fingers at the neighborhood kids who were playing outside and then tell them that I’d pay someone ten bucks to finish up. But I didn’t. I finished the job. My arms are aching now. This means I must be exceptionally weak.

I realized that Tom didn’t thank me for shoveling and frowned. Didn’t he realize how long our driveway was? And I had shoved it all on my own. Plus the sidewalks around our house. I always thank him when he shovels. Where was my thanks? Where was—oh, Tom went back to sleep.

“Tom,” I said, shaking him.

His eyes opened again. “Huh?”

“The swim lessons?”

Tom propped himself up on his elbows. “Fkljdafklj,” he mumbled.

“Okay great. See ya downstairs,” I said cheerfully.

Tom did make his way downstairs after taking the longest shower known to man. It must be nice to be able to shower that long without a child popping their head into the curtain and starting a conversation. It’s like, really, do you REALLY think conversing with me NOW is the best time? (Same with when I’m sitting on the toilet. As soon as I’m on my throne a billion questions are thrown at me. The toilet is NOT question and answer time, kids.)

“Is there any water left?” I joked as Tom came into the living room.

He didn’t get the joke. “Huh?” He scratched his head.


We were on our way a few minutes later.

“At least I get to try out my new Kevlar tires,” Tom said with a grin.

“Mmmmm yes, I hope they keep us safe,” I said noncommittally. I’m used to Tom’s obsession over his new tires.

The roads weren’t so bad. Until we got to the YMCA. The roads leading to the YMCA were pretty bad. I would have been petrified if I had driven there in my tiny car. But Tom’s truck easily got through it. When he parked in front of the building he pumped his fist in the air and went, “That’s Kevlar tire power, baby.”

Um, okay.

I ran in to pay for the lessons.

I’m proud to say that Tommy is now a proud member of the Minnow group. He starts March 1st at 630—remind me to DVR The Bachelor. I like to make fun of it see what sort of nonsense Jake will spout.

“Thanks for taking us,” I said to Tom.

“No problem. You should thank the Kevlar tires too.”

I rolled my eyes. “Thank you Kevlar tires.” I cupped my hand around my ear. “What’s that Kevlar tires? You want to get some ice cream?”

Tom smirked. “Ice cream?”

I pretended to be interested in my nail. “Tom, I’m just giving your Kevlar tires what they want…”

Ten minutes later I had a two scoop sundae.

So thanks, Kevlar tires. For real, this time.


  1. I laughed out loud at the "Only heir & the Tudors reference". Oh I hear ya with the damn snow. Can it be spring already? Smart idea going with the truck. I love this post because it so funny & I could totally see this segment being in a TV show. Good luck to Tommy in his swimming lessons. Nice job with the snow tires, ice cream rules!

  2. Sounds like I need me some of these magic tires!

  3. Sounds like you earned some ice cream, shoveling all that snow!

  4. Again with the tires??! Well. . . they got you where you were going, and ICECREAM to boot. I am a fan of ANYTHING that gets me icecream! ;)

  5. I am so sick of snow. We just got another several inches last night, on top of the several inches we already had. Blah. Um spring? Can you hurry up please? Kthx.

    Can't wait to hear how Tommy does with those swimming lessons!

  6. I am so happy that we have an SUV. While everyone else in Charlotte was stuck I was able to leverage my Massachusetts driving skills coupled with 4 wheel drive. No need to stay couped up in the house all weekend!

  7. At least the tires are good for something! Well, 2 somethings, but I was thinking more of the sundae.

  8. How can you not drive the truck?! Tom needs to take you to a field and let you baha around so you can get a feel for driving the beast. I was like you and after many driving instructions with Jon yelling "YOU'RE GOING TO HIT THE MAILBOX!", I finally figured out a few tricks to driving the truck.

    James is a Eel. Love the YMCA swim lessons. Hope Tommy has fun! Is Natalie taking classes?

  9. Wow, I need some tires that get me two scoops!

  10. I could appreciate tires if they gave me some ice cream.

  11. I would definitely thank you for shoveling all that snow!! Awesome for you!
    And awesome for the swim lessons...I've never had them but my husband thinks the kids should...hmmm....will rethink that after they are at least potty trained!

  12. I have a small car and hate driving in snow too!
    Yea for ice cream and kevlar tires!

  13. I adore Tudors. I also adore your writing style. A) you crack me up (B) I can visualize it like a move (C) you should write a book!
    Thank you Kevlar Tires! haha

  14. Yay for swim lessons!! Drowning = no fun. Yay for the Tudors!! Love that show. So sad it's the final season. Yay for ice cream. Wait? All that snow and you wanted ice cream?? That's just weird.

    I love driving big trucks. I do feel in charge when I drive one. Which is probably scary for other drivers.


  15. Are you as sick of the snow as I am? We've had it on the ground since Christmas Eve.

  16. Tires...always those tires, but hey...icecream rocks and therefore, the kevlar tires rock! :) Hope you enjoyed it!!

  17. Any thing that gets ice cream is a good thing in my book.

  18. What is this "Snow" thing you speak of? Sorry, can't say I am familiar with it (so says the gal living in Vancouver BC where the average daily temp all week was around 15 Celcius, 60 degrees to you Americans)

    I'd be more jubiliant if we weren't hosting the WINTER Olympics. Perhaps hosting it in a city that gets WINTER is a good plan, eh IOC??

  19. Ahh the magic of big trucks...we have one too...except Im the driver!

  20. You, my dear, are a frigging RIOT!! Thanks so much for sharing your awesome humor with the rest of us, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!

  21. Clearly, these tires know what they're talking about! Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for shoveling the drive and walks. There, someone had to say it!

  22. Nicely done!

    Yeah, I'd say if he got 8 hours, he should be good - should barely bat an eye at being woken up.

    My husband has the same response to my wake up calls after working 24... I feel your pain.

  23. I feel the exact same way when I get into a giant truck. ICK

  24. See... he really is quite the husband!

  25. I love how you tell a story.

    So glad you got your way and the Kevlar got their ice cream xx

  26. Yeah, there's a lot of manliness there-- the one-track focus on those $%*@# Kevlar tires, the shower that wouldn't end, the not-thanking you for shoveling... How do they survive? Oh yeah, we LET them... groan...

  27. LOL! I love the Tudors! And I really hate to say it, but Jake is kinda, well, geeky. But you'll have to excuse me because I've TIVO'd the women have their say...

  28. Haha great post...and thanks for stopping by my blog! :)

  29. Hahaha, those tires are something really useful, not only "rubbery" ;)

  30. The Kevlar tires finally won you over, I'll bet your hubby's proud!

  31. I have an award for you in my blog if you'd like to pick it up!

  32. If kevlar tires take me to ice cream, then I'll take 6 please!

  33. Still wondering what Kevlar tires are good for, only thing I heard was stopping bullets.

  34. A long shower? I'm not sure I remember what that is. I usually wait until morning naptime to take one but the dude has keen sense of knowing exactly when I step foot in the shower and waking up and screaming at that exact time. Ahhhhh, motherhood.

  35. Tom's love affair with his Kevlar tires is hilarious! Boys will be boys.

  36. I like that you guys have the kind of relationship where inanimate objects can ask for dessert and it is totally honored.

  37. I always want ice cream in inclement weather. I don't know why.

  38. You've been quoted!


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