I was already frazzled.
I had thought this was a gigantic spider and had screamed at the top of my lungs.
I mean, okay, up close you can tell it’s definitely not a spider. But when you spot it from the corner of your eye it looks quite sinister. I was positive it was a huge spider, all set to jump up and suck my insides out.
I probably shouldn’t have watched Arachnophobia as a child.
I eventually calmed down and realized it was plastic but my nerves were still shaken.
Then Natalie had to go and point to the corner of the room and say, “I see a ghost.”
The hair on the back of my neck immediately stood up.
“What?” I asked, trying not to panic. I forced myself to glance at the corner where she was pointing even though I didn’t want to. It’s sort of like how I feel about the Twilight movies: I know they’re going to be utterly ridiculous but I can’t NOT watch. I have to see what Edward is blah blah blahing about and mock the grown adults who screech when Taylor Lautner comes on the screen.
I saw nothing in the corner. I relaxed. I mean, what did I expect to see? A ghost head with glowing red eyes? I shuddered at that. I was starting to freak myself out again. I tried to think about happy things: Happy Bunny, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, Target....
“I see a ghost. Hi ghost!” Natalie’s voice broke into my happy thoughts.
WHAT DID SHE MEAN ‘HI GHOST?!’
“There is no ghost.” I said this firmly. There couldn’t be a ghost. Not that night. Not when Tom was at work and wouldn’t return home until the morning.
“Bye ghost,” Natalie said, waving. She went back to coloring. How could she be so calm? If she really saw a ghost, why wasn’t she going, “WTF, why can I see through you?”
Clearly she didn’t really see a ghost then. She probably was just messing with me. She seems the type that would do something like that.
When I put Natalie to bed she suddenly laughed and went, “Ghost says hi.”
Okay. That was it. I was officially FREAKED OUT. I ran from the room and grabbed the phone.
Then I dialed Tom’s number.
When he answered I went, “I think there’s a ghost in the house.”
“Natalie keeps saying she sees a ghost and I’m not going to lie, I’m scared out of my mind and am tempted to dive underneath the covers,” I explained.
“Can you ever just say hi normally?”
“Hi. We have a GHOST in the house, Tom!” Why wasn’t he reacting to this?
“What do you want me to do about it?” Tom was unmoved. I could hear typing in the background. Was he on the COMPUTER while I was freaking out? And okay, it was probably because I call him at least twice a month flipping out. The last time I called I was positive that aliens were communicating outside our door. It turns out it was just cows mooing in the distance but still, when cows mooing are muffled, it can sound like an entirely different alien language.
“Could they let you off early?” I wondered.
Tom laughed. “Yeah right. And what would I say? Sorry sir, I have to leave early, my wife thinks there’s a ghost in the house.”
“YES!” That made perfect sense to me.
“Just sleep with the lights on,” Tom suggested.
“I can’t. You know I can’t sleep with any lights on,” I said. This is true. Even if I’m afraid I cannot sleep with lights on.
“I don’t know what else to tell you.” Clickity Clickity Click went Tom’s keyboard that I wanted to smack over his head. Why wasn’t he more concerned? Didn’t he remember what happened in Paranormal Activity? There could be a DEMON GHOST lurking around our home and he’s just typing away.
“Thanks a lot, Tom,” I fumed.
“Sorry,” Tom replied but he didn’t sound sorry at all.
“You’re just so mean! You’re hot and you’re cold, you’re yes and you’re no, you’re—” I began passionately.
“Why are you quoting a Katy Perry song to me?”
Oh. I was wondering how the words were flowing so easily. Weird things pop into my head when I’m frightened.
I hung up with Tom soon after that. It was obvious he wasn’t going to do a thing.
When I got into bed that night I said out loud, “If there is a ghost in here and you show yourself to me, I will scream.”
The ghost believed me because I never saw a thing.
I guess it had witnessed me screeching over the fake spider earlier and knew that I was telling the truth.