Friday, April 16, 2010

And....It Lives.

The phone rang at 7:20 in the morning yesterday.

I was already up since I had to get Tommy off to school.

It was the guy from Dell calling about our sick computer. As soon as he told me who he was I wanted to start launching into my sordid tale over how I was so worried that I lost my pictures and my novels but Tom had told me that I shouldn’t do that, so I didn’t scare the poor guy off.

I contained myself.

“I’m waiting for your parts to get in. I’m not sure if they’ll make it in today,” he told me.


“If they do I’ll give you a call,” he promised.

It was on the tip of my tongue to launch into my tale. I wanted to say something like, “Sir, please. My pictures. My novels! I haven’t had the best couple of days. Last week I found a pair of PANTIES that weren’t mine in our yard. I just want my computer! That’s all I want. I just want my computer back!” But I didn’t. Suppose I did wind up scaring him off? I calmly said thank you and crossed my fingers that the parts would get in.

Please oh please.

I was in such a panic that I decided to bring Natalie to the mall playground to take my mind off of it all.

I sat down on the bench while Natalie played. I kept thinking about my computer. Would it be okay? Would my pictures be okay? Would the parts come in? What if they didn’t come in? What if there was a DELAY and my computer didn’t work until next week? I couldn’t wait until next week. There was no way I could—


A voice cut into my thoughts.

I looked over and a woman was settling down beside me. She had a little boy who looked to be around three or four with her.

“Go play, Sawyer,” she said and he rushed off.

I never know if I should start talking to a complete stranger. There are some people who can just start chatting to anyone. I am not one of those people.

“Ah-u-deh-may!” Natalie’s called out. “Ah-u-deh-may!” She was shouting the Spanish word for help even though it looked like she was perfectly fine. She was standing up on a fake tree trunk. Still, I didn’t want the woman to think I was negligent so I said, “Are you okay?”

“Yup,” Natalie said and hopped down.

But seriously, what if my computer wasn’t fixed until next week? Then what? My old laptop that I was using was making funny noises and would freeze at certain sites. I couldn’t LIVE like that. I—

“Your daughter speaks Spanish?” the woman beside me wondered. She looked impressed.

“Sort of?” I replied.

“Is there a Spanish speaking person in your house?” she inquired.

I shook my head. Did Nick Jr count?

“Who is her teacher then? I’ve been looking to get a language teacher for Sawyer. I read that it’s good for children to speak other languages. Plus, they can pick it up so quickly as children,” the woman prattled on. She was actually excited about this.

It was then when I realized she was one of those moms. You know, the kind who can make a doll out of a bunch of sticks and who probably enjoys cooking? She also had a cardigan tied loosely around her neck. I didn’t think people actually wore cardigans like that in real life. I thought they were just used on television to portray rich stuck up people.

“Dora and Diego are her teachers,” I said jokingly. I expected her to giggle with me.

She didn’t.

She just blinked at me.

“You know, from Nick Jr?” I felt the need to offer. She seriously looked confused.

“Oh, we don’t watch a lot of TV,” she said kindly. But her expression clearly said, “I bet she’s one of those Moms who use the TV as a babysitter.” And I totally do. How else am I supposed to clean? She’s probably the type of Mom who allows her kids to help.

A silence fell.

I felt that I ought to say something so I said, “I like your son’s name. Sawyer. He’s a really good character on the show Lost.

Again, Cardigan Lady looked perplexed. “Huh?”

“You know, the TV show Lost? ” Good God was this woman living under a rock?

Cardigan Lady gave me a tight smile. “As I said before, we don’t watch a lot of TV.”

I had an impulse to rip off her cardigan and throw it across the hall.

We didn’t exchange another word after that. I think the last straw was when I gave Natalie some fruit snacks that weren’t organic.

As Natalie and I were leaving I spotted Sawyer behind a toy picking his nose. This gave me a sense of satisfaction, to be honest.

And then guess what?

The Dell guy called soon after that. He had good news. He had the parts! He could come in about a half hour. Would that work for me?

“YES!” I yelled. My computer was coming back! Oh please let it come back without any problems.

I rushed upstairs to tell Tom. He had just gotten off the night shift and was sleeping but he told me to wake him when the Dell guy was coming so he could meet him at the gate and make sure he wasn’t out to murder us all and steal our things.

Tom was not pleased on being woken up. I can’t blame him. I hate being disturbed when I’m sleeping. I think I scare my children even MORE than their bad dreams that they have at night. Because when they call for me at two in the morning and I stumble in there all cranky with crazy hair, they tell me to go back to bed and never mind; they didn’t have a bad dream after all.

“The Dell guy is coming,” I said to Tom.

“Pillows are fun,” he responded. His eyes were still shut.

“No Tom, not pillows. The DELL guy is coming. You told me to wake you in case the guy turned out to be a murderer?”

“Eating!” Tom bellowed.


“The DELL GUY IS COMING!” I shouted.

Tom’s eyes cracked open. “Huh?”

“The Dell guy is COMING!”

Tom rubbed his eyes. “Tomorrow?”


“Today, Tom.”

“And?” Tom’s eyes shut again.

“You told me to wake you in case he turned out to be a murderer,” I said, exasperated.

Ten minutes later he finally comprehended it all. He stumbled down the stairs. “You owe me,” he grumbled.

“Sexually or do you want me to make you something?” I wondered.

“Sexually. Your food gives me heartburn,” Tom said, shoving his feet into his shoes.


A half hour later the Dell guy was in our home.

He opened our tower and pulled stuff out of it. This made me nervous. I kept wanting to say, “Sir, be gentle, BE GENTLE!” So I just sat down on the couch and refused to watch anymore.

When he finished with that he turned it back on and…


Windows came up as it was supposed to.

I wanted to hug the complete stranger but I didn’t.

“There you go,” the Dell guy said after checking everything.

Yay! My computer was back. My novels! My pictures!

“Thank you!” I gushed. I wanted to add, “Bless you, sir,” but that would have been a bit much.

Bottom line? I’m impressed with Dell.

I want to have Dell’s babies.

If Dell were a person, that is.

And if I weren’t already married.


  1. I tend to steer clear of those who wear cardigans tied over their shoulders. Preconceived notions and all, it just can't end well.

    Glad your computer's back!

  2. I always thought I'd be one of those moms who "didn't do" TV for her kids(although I'm a TV addict myself). But then I had toddlers. Bless you, Backyardigans, bless you.

  3. I'm so glad you got your computer fixed... WOOP WOOP to that... as to the lady at the mall playground... Wow. Definitely a different kind of person than me. Sawyer is a cute name though!

  4. I love customer service ever! So glad your computer is back. I totally thought I wouldn't let my kids watch TV either but if it weren't for Jack's Big Music Show I think I would have lost my mind by now. And, I'd have a really dirty house!

  5. Hahaha... Sawyer? I would've said, "What a cute name choice. Isn't that the name of that bare-footed hillbilly child in that Mark Twain book?"

    I use the TV to babysit. I have to. I'd never get anything done. It's Nick Jr. and its great. She can bite my Yo Gabba Gabba ass. ;)

    Congrats on the Dell affair. My hubby and I bought HP Minis, both died from a hardware issue. We weren't charged for new drive, but lost all pics. :( It had my dad's visit and the birth of my son last year. Thank goodness I uploaded some to Facebook!!!

    :) Amanda

  6. I completely understand wanting to have Dell babies. I want to marry my truck. Glad all is well on the computer front for you!!!

  7. Little baby Dells!! Haha. Glad it's fixed! Really, can you have NEVER heard of Lost? Even if you've never watched, you've heard of it, right?

  8. Yay for your computer!

    And one massive eye roll for "my parenting methods are better than everyone else's, therefore all other parents are WRONG" lady. Yeesh.

  9. I'm so happy for you. broken computers are the worst. we keep our pictures on an external hard drive just in case

  10. I think you should have strangled Cardigan Lady with her own sweater and then gone home to make your husband something super spicy.

    And, I wonder why I'm single?

  11. You should have looked at cardigan lady and been all "well, TV can't be all bad because my kid speaks spanish and yours doesn't". Oh Snap!!

    Glad Dell rescued your computer. I think he would've liked the hug.


  12. For the record, TV has not only taught my children spanish, but taught them how to count and read. And thank God for the Dell guy.

    Left an award for you at my blog today. Come on by and pick it up. :)

    Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner

  13. YEAH!!!! so glad its back to working and everything is fine!!

  14. Great News! Curious?... would "Dell's Babies" be those cool mini laptops? Just wondering?


  15. OMG I totally stay away from all "UBER MOMS" every chance I get. So not cool...

  16. Glad the Dell guy wasn't a murderer (well, at least when visiting your house, probably thanks to Tom being up) and we can continue with your marvelous fashion shows.

  17. NO NO NO! You do NOT want to have dell babies. you would wake up one morning and an arm would fall off or a foot. and when you call to have it fixed they would say sorry your dell doctor warranty has expired you will have to do without that arm or foot. and you do. until one day you wake up and the kid just wont. get. up. no matter what you do. and of course your dell doctor warranty is still exprired so now you have this little dell that doesnt DO anything. what fun is THAT? no. dont have dell babies.

  18. Too funny! Loved the mall story. I hate it when other Mom's make me feel like crap because my 4 year old daughter decided to go to school in her ballerina tutu and tights and I don't feel like having THAT battle with her.

    I love your blog! I added it to my sidebar (I hope that was okay) to share with others.

    Thanks for the laughs and keep posting!!!

  19. Uh, why did you husband think a Dell guy would be a murderer? Most of them really aren't, from what I understand. It's the rug cleaner guys you really need to watch out for.

    Sawyer's mom was udderly a jackass. You should have told her Natalie speaks fluent Spanish, Japanese, and Arabic and you home school her!

    So glad the Dell is up and at 'em again!

  20. YAY! I love it when they fix my computer. Can't live without it.

  21. I need to get my computer fixed too. Since it's a Dell I may call them instead of the local guy that is brilliant but completely sloppy (and I mean sloppy in a gross way, not normal sloppy).

  22. Yay for your computer! And the cardigan lady is weird. TV is a vital part of being a kid!

  23. I like to think of the rich snotty women as the ones who proclaim, "Not my child he was such a good baby." You know the ones whose kids end up being serial killers. It works for me, I actually pity them when they get condescending.

    Delighted you have your computer back safe and sound. (Hugs)Indigo

  24. I don't know what I'd do if my computer stopped working.

  25. That Stepford mom you ran into? I think she's my neighbor. I am really tired of her--can we run her out of town?

  26. Oh, the relief you must have felt! I wish you had said, 'Bless you, sir'. I would like to have known what his reaction would be.

  27. Yay! I bet you heard angels singing hallelujah in that moment!

  28. i thought as I was reading that you were going to surprise us all and tell us that crazyladynotvmom was actually a DELL employee and she came and fixed your computer. Obviously not. I am glad that your DELL is back though.

  29. this is great... i kept laughing... i think my coworkers think im a bit odd... well more odd now that i am randomly laughing at my computer screen.. eh. they get over it!

    thanks for the post! :-)

  30. You know why I tune into your blog every day?

    Because I love you...


    because you always make me laugh! I can relate almost every time. I almost slaped a strangers daughter today at the play place.

    She hit my niece for no reason. When my niece yelled at her, she came up and tattled to me.

    I said. "Ohh yes, I heard her, but I also seen her hit you. You should be the one getting in trouble!"

    She looked like she was going to cry. I patted myself on the back. Who cares if thats mean! I hate brats!

  31. I love people who can't stand the sweater wearing, organic food purchasing, won't let their kids be kids kind of women!

    And I like the name Sawyer too. My third son would have that name if it hadn't have sounded like crap with our last name.

  32. The Dell guys have saved us twice ... we love them :))

    I agree about those kind of women ... do you think they know how obnoxious they are?

  33. Glad to hear your computer is alive! I would of been worrying too! I hadn't seen the pantie post...omg, you had me laughing! :)

  34. I am ALL for making dolls out of sticks, but not putting them up your arse. That lady sounds kind of scary, I hate scary moms! You totally should have given her kid a bag of M&M's. He would have NO idea what hit him!


  35. Rip off her cardigan? -- hell no! I would have used it to strangle her to death with. (And I'm normally so non-violent, but this chick was asking for it!)

    Glad your little brush with destiny ended so well!

  36. P.S. I don't care that she feigned ignorance-- she totally named that kid after the Lost character.

  37. Good GRIEF this is a funny post. Thank you for providing some element of humor in what has been an exhausting day. My favorite part of this? Sooo hard to decide. But a possibility: "It was then when I realized she was one of those moms. You know, the kind who can make a doll out of a bunch of sticks and who probably enjoys cooking?" THOSE kinds of moms drive me nuts. Oh they're perfect...soooo perfect. TOO perfect to be healthy.

  38. She really didnt know who Dora and Diego were? Thats a bunch of crap! Those 2 cousins are EVERYWHERE. She was totally lying. Had to be!!

    I also heart Dell. They rock!

  39. The part about cardigans being wrapped around necks had me rolling with laughter...glad to know your dellie? is up and running and you have lost nothing in it!Time to celebrate...

  40. I love that Natalie speaks Spanish because of Nick Jr.

    This was funny.


  41. So happy your computer works again! I love Dell too... And I have to say, those sort of mothers just intimidate me. I too used TV as a babysitter and do not feel guilty at all!!!

  42. Hi,
    WARNING. Don't click on the Chinese writing! It will take you to a website that is porno! Delete it immediately.
    I really enjoyed the cute commentary on meeting Sawyer and his mother. I raised my two girls on television (back in the 50's and 60's) and they turned out just fine! No better or safer baby sitter back then!
    Keep writing! Hurray for computer fixers!

  43. Love your blog title! My 15-year old technology genius son with Aspergers would tell you to "buy a mac" :-) But I'm glad your computer is fixed.

    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest

  44. i LOVED reading the interaction you had with your husband. your food gives me heartburn. that's awesome. i'd've been like, fine. you can cook for the rest of eternity then.

  45. OH!!! and happy sits saturday sharefest!!!

  46. That lady is so full of crap. You just KNOW she named her kid after Sawyer from LOST! Don't let her kid you! Yeah, sure she doesn't watch much TV. She probably downloads it on her computer! Snort!

    So glad you didn't lose anything on your computer! That's a heart stopping feeling.

  47. That cardigan wearing mom who doesn't watch TV was at a M.A.L.L. where people spend their money on evil things. How dare she step through the doors of a M.A.L.L.? She should be growing some veggies in her back yard and spinning her sheep's wool freshley sheared into yarn in order to make Sawyer a new matching cardigan.

  48. Hi there! I stumbled upon your blog, and LOVE it!

    New follower :)

  49. Blog award waiting for you at my blog!

  50. Laughed all the way through this! I have to admit I didn't know who Sawyer was either ~ was thinking about Tom, Huck, and Becky. I also have a cardigan; when I wear it people tell me I look like Coco Chanel.

  51. Dell is awesome! I have a dell and they fixed my baby too! I love that Dora and Diego teach your daughter spanish, lol when I took my first college level spanish class the teacher was amazed that I knew most of the words, only I wasn't brave enough to admit they came from babysitting my sister

  52. YAY it is fixed!

    My daughter said Ahudemay (I spelled it wrong) for 1 week before I knew it was from Diego!

    I have tried to let her help me clean but I get a tick in my eye and I am all "I can do this so much faster!! go play!"

    I hate those moms. I don't even watch Lost but I know who Sawyer is!!

  53. Yay for it being fixed!

    I know what you mean...I feel exactly the same way about the Mac guys;)

  54. Amber, this is one of your most fab posts yet. Love the exchange between you and the snobby mom! And yeah, our computers DO mean that much to us!

  55. YAY!!!!!!!!! Your computer is back!!!

    "Your food gives me heartburn." - LMAO!!!!!! Sorry, but that was seriously funny!

    When you yell at Tom I love it because I have a Tom of my own. And you yell better! And funnier!!

  56. Awesome awesome post! I came over from CJ's blog and am so glad I did. And my kids can count to ten in Spanish... thanks to Dora :)


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