The phone rang at 7:20 in the morning yesterday.
I was already up since I had to get Tommy off to school.
It was the guy from Dell calling about our sick computer. As soon as he told me who he was I wanted to start launching into my sordid tale over how I was so worried that I lost my pictures and my novels but Tom had told me that I shouldn’t do that, so I didn’t scare the poor guy off.
I contained myself.
“I’m waiting for your parts to get in. I’m not sure if they’ll make it in today,” he told me.
“If they do I’ll give you a call,” he promised.
It was on the tip of my tongue to launch into my tale. I wanted to say something like, “Sir, please. My pictures. My novels! I haven’t had the best couple of days. Last week I found a pair of PANTIES that weren’t mine in our yard. I just want my computer! That’s all I want. I just want my computer back!” But I didn’t. Suppose I did wind up scaring him off? I calmly said thank you and crossed my fingers that the parts would get in.
Please oh please.
I was in such a panic that I decided to bring Natalie to the mall playground to take my mind off of it all.
I sat down on the bench while Natalie played. I kept thinking about my computer. Would it be okay? Would my pictures be okay? Would the parts come in? What if they didn’t come in? What if there was a DELAY and my computer didn’t work until next week? I couldn’t wait until next week. There was no way I could—
A voice cut into my thoughts.
I looked over and a woman was settling down beside me. She had a little boy who looked to be around three or four with her.
“Go play, Sawyer,” she said and he rushed off.
I never know if I should start talking to a complete stranger. There are some people who can just start chatting to anyone. I am not one of those people.
“Ah-u-deh-may!” Natalie’s called out. “Ah-u-deh-may!” She was shouting the Spanish word for help even though it looked like she was perfectly fine. She was standing up on a fake tree trunk. Still, I didn’t want the woman to think I was negligent so I said, “Are you okay?”
“Yup,” Natalie said and hopped down.
But seriously, what if my computer wasn’t fixed until next week? Then what? My old laptop that I was using was making funny noises and would freeze at certain sites. I couldn’t LIVE like that. I—
“Your daughter speaks Spanish?” the woman beside me wondered. She looked impressed.
“Sort of?” I replied.
“Is there a Spanish speaking person in your house?” she inquired.
I shook my head. Did Nick Jr count?
“Who is her teacher then? I’ve been looking to get a language teacher for Sawyer. I read that it’s good for children to speak other languages. Plus, they can pick it up so quickly as children,” the woman prattled on. She was actually excited about this.
It was then when I realized she was one of those moms. You know, the kind who can make a doll out of a bunch of sticks and who probably enjoys cooking? She also had a cardigan tied loosely around her neck. I didn’t think people actually wore cardigans like that in real life. I thought they were just used on television to portray rich stuck up people.
“Dora and Diego are her teachers,” I said jokingly. I expected her to giggle with me.
She just blinked at me.
“You know, from Nick Jr?” I felt the need to offer. She seriously looked confused.
“Oh, we don’t watch a lot of TV,” she said kindly. But her expression clearly said, “I bet she’s one of those Moms who use the TV as a babysitter.” And I totally do. How else am I supposed to clean? She’s probably the type of Mom who allows her kids to help.
A silence fell.
I felt that I ought to say something so I said, “I like your son’s name. Sawyer. He’s a really good character on the show Lost. ”
Again, Cardigan Lady looked perplexed. “Huh?”
“You know, the TV show Lost? ” Good God was this woman living under a rock?
Cardigan Lady gave me a tight smile. “As I said before, we don’t watch a lot of TV.”
I had an impulse to rip off her cardigan and throw it across the hall.
We didn’t exchange another word after that. I think the last straw was when I gave Natalie some fruit snacks that weren’t organic.
As Natalie and I were leaving I spotted Sawyer behind a toy picking his nose. This gave me a sense of satisfaction, to be honest.
And then guess what?
The Dell guy called soon after that. He had good news. He had the parts! He could come in about a half hour. Would that work for me?
“YES!” I yelled. My computer was coming back! Oh please let it come back without any problems.
I rushed upstairs to tell Tom. He had just gotten off the night shift and was sleeping but he told me to wake him when the Dell guy was coming so he could meet him at the gate and make sure he wasn’t out to murder us all and steal our things.
Tom was not pleased on being woken up. I can’t blame him. I hate being disturbed when I’m sleeping. I think I scare my children even MORE than their bad dreams that they have at night. Because when they call for me at two in the morning and I stumble in there all cranky with crazy hair, they tell me to go back to bed and never mind; they didn’t have a bad dream after all.
“The Dell guy is coming,” I said to Tom.
“Pillows are fun,” he responded. His eyes were still shut.
“No Tom, not pillows. The DELL guy is coming. You told me to wake you in case the guy turned out to be a murderer?”
“Eating!” Tom bellowed.
“The DELL GUY IS COMING!” I shouted.
Tom’s eyes cracked open. “Huh?”
“The Dell guy is COMING!”
Tom rubbed his eyes. “Tomorrow?”
“And?” Tom’s eyes shut again.
“You told me to wake you in case he turned out to be a murderer,” I said, exasperated.
Ten minutes later he finally comprehended it all. He stumbled down the stairs. “You owe me,” he grumbled.
“Sexually or do you want me to make you something?” I wondered.
“Sexually. Your food gives me heartburn,” Tom said, shoving his feet into his shoes.
A half hour later the Dell guy was in our home.
He opened our tower and pulled stuff out of it. This made me nervous. I kept wanting to say, “Sir, be gentle, BE GENTLE!” So I just sat down on the couch and refused to watch anymore.
When he finished with that he turned it back on and…
Windows came up as it was supposed to.
I wanted to hug the complete stranger but I didn’t.
“There you go,” the Dell guy said after checking everything.
Yay! My computer was back. My novels! My pictures!
“Thank you!” I gushed. I wanted to add, “Bless you, sir,” but that would have been a bit much.
Bottom line? I’m impressed with Dell.
I want to have Dell’s babies.
If Dell were a person, that is.
And if I weren’t already married.