Thursday, April 8, 2010

An E-mail to Tom

Tom is going to Korea for a year in August and e-mailing will probably by one of the main ways we communicate. I decided to practice early and start sending Tom e-mails now so he can get used to my rambling.

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Dear Tom,

What is this?



No, seriously.

What IS it? Sometimes you think I’m joking when I ask you what things are (like when I asked you what a ratchet was) but I’m being serious. Where did it come from? Is it something important?

I’m worried because I found it underneath the dishwasher. Does it go to the dishwasher? Is the dishwasher dying? The dishwasher CAN’T die. If the dishwasher died I’d want to ball up in the middle of the kitchen and cry. So is it? Something from the dishwasher, I mean? Should I start the dishwasher and see if it works? But what if the piece IS from the dishwasher and water floods the kitchen? The kids would think it was cool (“sweet, an indoor pool!”) but I would not seeing as I’d have to clean UP the water.

Is the piece from the oven?

You know I don’t use THAT often (ha!) but still. I might decide to bake a cake someday instead of buying one from Wal-Mart.

Is it just one of your tool doohickeys? I know you don’t like it when I call your tools doohickeys but that’s what they all look like to me.

Please, let me know as soon as you can. Your wife is confused.

I love you,
Your-baffled-the-crap-is-this-silver-thing,
Amber

******
To: Amber

From: Tom

Why did you go on and on about a wrench that is found in toys that I have to put together for the kids? It's probably from Natalie's bike. All you had to say is, “What is this?”

*******

Have I mentioned that Tom likes things brief and to the point? He's not a fan of reading long winded e-mails.

Oh well.

He shouldn't have married me then.

And at least I figured out what doohickey was.

52 comments:

  1. lol...practice makes perfect I hope he gets use to all kinds of different communication. Will you be able to Skype?

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  2. haha!

    i'm actually really sad.. my dad is a farmer (that has to mechanic his own equipment most of the time) and hubby was a mechanic with the army while in... but no matter.. tools STILL BAFFLE me... they just look.. so... confusing!!!

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  3. All the more reason to get rid of the weirdo (temporary use) tools that come with bikes and such when you get rid of the packing material.

    I've worked with tools all my life (and I'm pushing 50) and I didn't recognize it - as a tool or an appliance part.

    I'm sure after a month (or three) Tom will be looking forward to your emails, each and every word of them. :)

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  4. Dishwashers save marriages. No word of a lie. I feel your fear, sister.

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  5. Uhmm...cake....

    Sorry I stopped paying attention after that.

    Stupid pregnancy cravings.

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  6. My husband would have made his just one big sentence with no punctuation at all. You are lucky to have Tom!

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  7. There's your book - right there. I know you are righting fiction right now, but you should save ALL the emails the two of you exchange, put it in a book and title it, "Letters to Korea". I bet it would be hysterical AND a hit. And they say that it's easier to get a non-fiction published than a fiction.

    Oh, and you can go ahead and thank me in the front of the book, too. :)

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  8. I would have been baffled, too. But I prefer to call them thingamajigs. It makes it sound more festive.

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  9. Bahahaha! :) nice. Such a real man-woman email display! So true!

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  10. Funny...you'll have to sharre your emails that you guys send as they are quite entertaining.

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  11. I love you because you said doohickey. I thought my family were the only ones.

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  12. Great post! My husband is equally brief in verbal exchanges. Does yours also only half listen to what you say then ask you something later only to get offended when you say you already told him about that earlier?!?

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  13. I like the email concept - now you can look like the kids texting and not talking even before he goes.

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  14. Is there a man out there that likes wordy women? If you find one let me know.

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  15. Funny! He didn't ask what you were doing under the dishwasher?LOL that would have been my hubby's first comment. God only knows what's under mine! :)

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  16. This is why you start him early! Once he's used to the long winded emails, then send him a short one just to keep him on his toes! He'll be so confused by the short email, he'll start to wonder if your mad at him! :)

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  17. I wonder what it is..

    Yes, Chocolate peeps rock..

    Thanks for stopping by..

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  18. The dishwasher, dying? Are you mad to even put that into print? Bad ju-ju, bad ju-ju. Now go wash out your typing fingers with soap and speak no more ill will of the dishwasher.

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  19. hahahahah! He's is hysterical! You on the other hand are perfect for him. :D hahahah! He needs you. At least this is what I tell myself when I send long texts to Jon and he never replies or replies with "K" or "Y". They really really need us crazy ladies. :)

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  20. LOL! Actually, when Alex was in the Navy and at sea, we wrote long letters every day and it was so much more personal than email. (Since he was in Combat Comm in the Middle East, he called quite a bit too.) I hate that Tom is leaving for so long and don't know how we cope with that kind of absence. When Alex was deployed for a year, I really felt so overwhelmed all the time! Dang!

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  21. I just wanted to let you know that your blog is hilarious! Your stories make me laugh so hard! You say things I only think sometimes! Keep up the random thoughts!! LOL

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  22. totally cracked me up. i love it. that is me all of the time thinking what the heck is this but it's usually in the washing machine (i need to be better about checking pockets lol)

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  23. if the dishwasher died...and my husband was in/out of Korea...I'd curl up in a ball and cry too!!!

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  24. if the dishwasher died...and my husband was in/out of Korea...I'd curl up in a ball and cry too!!!

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  25. Well I am a fan of long-winded e-mails, as long as they're funny. And this one was! So phooey on Tom! And thank GOD it wasn't from the dishwasher!!!

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  26. Once again you made laugh until I had tears swimming in my eyes! You are by far my favourite blog to read and I tend to check very frequently every morning till your new post shows up. Thanks for making this SAHM sometimes very stressful days a little lighter:)

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  27. As long as you know what a tampon looks like and where it goes...I think your emails to Tom will suit you both just fine :O)

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  28. Very amusing! And I didn't know what it was either. Why was it in the dishwasher if it's a wrench?!?

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  29. LOL ~ Great post! Read a couple of other posts too - lots of laughs ~ I love that in a Blog!! :))

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  30. Too funny! My husband saves allof those doohickeys he gets. Most are from IKEA and they drive me nuts andmysteriously disappear... who me?

    I figure, if it can't get to a labled bin in his workshop, it must not be important right?!

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  31. Glad you figured out your dishwasher was safe! Though I knew what it was because Im super cool like that!

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  32. Your husband actually answers your emails? Impressive! I am the same exact way, let me tell you. My husband snickers if I say that I will put something together that involves tools. Snickers! Sigh.

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  33. That's what my dad calls everything...a doohickey! LOL! I love it!

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  34. You got an email back. HeMan Hubby would not have responded.
    Just like he doesn't to his voice mails.
    But with them he gives fair warning... he says right in the message, and I quote " leave me a message and I'll back to you in a day or two..."
    See?
    Lesson learned, do not leave VM if life threatening event is taking place... we'll all be dead before he gets be to me!

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  35. I figured it was the proverbial monkey wrench.

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  36. I have an award for you over at my blog. Come and get it!

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  37. Ha! Your relationship dynamic is so funny and familiar to me! My husband only feels the need to speak 20 words a day, maybe, if I don't hussel out more than that. Sometimes in the middle of my rambeling I need to stop to make sure he is still listening. I'm pretty sure he lies to me.

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  38. My husband doesn't let me throw anything away. He would tell me he doesn't know what it is but "keep it Just In Case". Drives me nuts.

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  39. Sometimes being married to a man of few words is a good thing. I sometimes think that if you asked my husband what time it was, he'd tell you who invented the watch, where and how his was made, where he bought it (after doing lots of research on all the different types and brands) and THEN maybe he'd remember to tell you what time it was. If you were still conscious.

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  40. OMG you are so hilarious!!! I have an entire drawer full of various little silver things because I'm terrified that one day, the roof might cave in and my hub will ask where that so-and-so is to fix it.

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  41. We have something called "The Box of Mystery" for little things like that. Whenever we don't know what something is, in it goes.

    Sometimes we even find things in there that we were missing and didn't know it. If we are missing a part of something like a toy or the *heaven forbid* the dishwasher, we check in "The Box of Mystery". I am not kidding it even has a label on it with that name. My anally retentive side is coming out now.

    Shelly

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  42. My husband just "fixed" our lawn mower. There were two left over doohickeys, but the lawn mower works again.

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  43. Your email sounds exactly like one I would write. Loved your husband's response too.

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  44. But if all you said was "what is this" he wouldn't have realized the seriousness of the situation and he would have ignored it. Sometimes, simple things NEED explanation.

    (Even if the explanation is a bit long winded...I have to remind my husband of this, too!)

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  45. A match made in heaven!!! LOL!

    At least you didn't think it was an ALIEN doohickey!!

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  46. If Matthew (above) is correct and "dishwashers save marriages"...I'm in deep shit here....I have a dishwasher but it's in the garage...not hooked up...just sitting there...somewhere...probably under the bucket of Christmas lights...maybe....who knows...or under the blown up kiddie pool from LAST summer...yes, still filled with air....
    Ahhh...anyways...I don't know if I would want my spouse gone for a year...well, maybe I would...shit, can we try it and I can let the authorities know??

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  47. Oh I'm rolling my eyes at him!

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  48. It looks like an Eastern European torture device.

    Or a Scandinavian bedroom instrument.

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  49. LMAO My husband just calls me a dork when I ramble on and on and on. Which doesnt ever help answer what ever question Im asking!

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