Monday, April 26, 2010

Plant Killer

“Look!” Tommy shouted as he burst through the front door Friday afternoon. In his hand he carried a plant. “Look what we got from school!”



“It’s a very....nice plant,” I said. What else could I say other than, “Please don’t drip dirt on my clean floors.” I am not a plant person. I’ve tried, I really have, but plants hate me. They tend to shrink away when they see me approaching.

“You can’t touch it because you killed my other plant,” Tommy told me, hugging his plant to his chest.

Okay....yes, that’s true. Tommy had a plant. When my Mom, his Nonna was here they bought a plant that apparently is hard to kill.

“You’ll be fine with this one,” my Mom assured me. My Mom, it should be pointed out, is fabulous with plants. She has a bunch of them in her yard and actually enjoys “pruning” them. What kind of word is that anyhow? Pruning? Plants LOVE my Mom.

I sort of forgot to water Tommy’s plant. And so did Tommy, by the way. If it was HIS plant, he should have kept on top of it. So there. It started to wilt and Tommy was all, “My plant!” and watered it. But it was too late. The thing had croaked.

“Look what you did!” Tommy whined as I tossed it out.

“Hey, you could have watered it too,” I reminded him.

“I DID and it was already dead,” he said accusingly. “You are NOT good with plants, Mommy.”

So yeah, he definitely didn’t want me to touch his latest one.

But then he just set it down on the kitchen counter. The one that I had just cleaned.

“Er,” I said, lifting it up.

“Don’t touch, you’ll kill it!” Tommy stomped over.

“You can’t just set it here. I’m no expert but I do know you can’t just leave a plant in a bag,” I explained.

“Where should I put it then?”

Well, crap. We were having a storm outside complete with snow. The plant would not be safe out there.

Then I remembered the pot that I had found at Target for 75% off. When I had brought it home Tom had frowned and said, “What do you need that for? You kill plants.”

This family is so totally mean to me.

You kill one plant, you’re branded as a plant killer for life.

Oh fine, it’s been more like over ten plants that I’ve killed. But still. I TRY to keep them alive. I don’t viciously let them die. I just...well, they don’t have mouths. If they screamed, “I’m STARVING!” like my kids, I’d remember.

“We need to put your plant in a pot,” I said to Tommy.

Tommy still looked wary. “But you’ll kill it.”

Oh for—

“I won’t! At least I’ll try not to. Just....let’s put it in the pot, okay?”

Tommy reluctantly handed it over. “If you kill this plant, I’ll never trust you with another plant ever again.”

Woah. Thems fighting words, son.



Here is Tommy’s plant. It still seems to be thriving.

Heaven help me if I kill the thing.

55 comments:

  1. good luck with your green thumb! :O)

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  2. That appears to be a Colorado Blue Spruce. Once the snow clears you'll be able to plant it outside where in about a gazillion years it'll be beautiful. (That is if it survives until the snow clears.)

    Happy Early Arbor Day you lucky woman! Good luck.

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  3. I have to laugh at this. My mother too, is a plant killer. And we don't let her forget. She even killed a cactus once. Good Luck!

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  4. Good luck. Maybe keep it where you can see it in hopes you'll remember to water it?

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  5. It doesn't look to be doing too great as it is. Although I wouldn't really know, either. I've killed cactuses before, which nobody in my family ever lets me forget.

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  6. Tommy's plant looks like a tree. If it survives until it's warm enough to plant outside it just might thrive. Remember it has to stay at least 50 degrees at night before it'll be warm enough to plant.

    I have a green thumb...I'm just...lacking huge amounts of patience for a garden or plants. I barely take care of me. (Hugs)Indigo

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  7. OMGosh. I'm nervous just looking at that sickly thing. Just a crosswind from the wrong direction... Looks pretty precarious...is he too astute for you to pull a switcheroo?

    Don't forget to stop over and see what I have for you today..:)

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  8. AHAHAHAHAHA! That's way too funny - hopefully you won't be accused of being a plant killer with this one... ;) Princess Nagger is wary of me taking care of any plants she brings home from school after I forgot to water the baby pine tree she got last year in kindergarten. ;)

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  9. Sounds like your reputation depends upon this plant. Good luck!

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  10. Nothing like being the Hannibal Lecter of the plant kingdom...

    Maybe John K. will be cast as the investigator that comes to visit you...

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  11. Yeah, well you may be a plant killer, but you are raising some pretty great kids! And the cactus killers, I'm one of them too.

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  12. i kill plants too. I have what my husband calls a black thumb. If it cant possibly die, i kill it. My children won't let me touch thier plants either. good luck with this one, it looks like a tree to me.

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  13. :) I have a black thumb! But i'm working on that. Do they have plastic surgery for that?

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  14. Yikes. I would be in trouble too. I totally have a black thumb.

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  15. I have a totally black thumb, so you should NOT trust me when I say this... shouldn't the plant be in the middle of the pot, not way on the side? Just wondering... I hope it lives! I just planted some strawberries, and those are supposedly HARD to kill. Let's see what happens with it!

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  16. lol.. yea, i don't really like nor deal with flowers or plants either.. but btw- way cute pot, i like it!

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  17. Is it bad if I'm secretly happy when they inevitably die because it's one less thing for me to care for?

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  18. Is it bad if I'm secretly happy when they inevitably die because it's one less thing for me to care for?

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  19. There is hope. I have killed so many plants. I hate my neighbors they're plants are always so lush and beautiful. My just start dying the minute they see me.
    BUT, my 15-year-old son got a tree when he was 4 and it looked similar to yours (spindly). I'm happy to say that after two moves from inside, to outside, to another location outside, the thing is still alive. And it is about 3 feet tall and wide enough that I don't have to guard it when my husband weed whacks.

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  20. Oops, I mean their when I was referencing my neighbors.
    Just so you know, "Hens and Chicks seem nearly impossible to kill. They are an outdoor thing, but I've moved them all over the yard, not planted them very deep, they even got run over by a tractor and I had to chisel them out of the cement when we had our walk done, the things are still alive!

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  21. I'm no good with plants either. I'll take care of it for you! That way you can't get in trouble for killing it. :)

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  22. My husband is a plant killer! I will pray to the plant gods to watch over this poor little plant for you! LOL!

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  23. I have a blacker than black thumb. My husband doesn't let me buy plants anymore. We do still have one plant that I've had for about 5 years. It's very difficult to kill.

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  24. I so do not have a green thumb. I kill everything, too.

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  25. awe. I hope this one makes it! Very cute story and vibrantly told! Thanks for sharing!

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  26. the last plant i owned died because i didn't water it enough. it was a cactus. 'nuf said.

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  27. Good luck and may the force be with you! Sounds like you've gotten some good advice from other readers. I, too, would transplant this baby as soon as weather permits.

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  28. Good luck! I'm attempting to grow things. I managed to kill bamboo (which is supposed to be impossible) but my jade plant is thriving.

    Just a small suggestion...you might want to re pot the tree closer to the middle of the pot. Otherwise, the root ball will grow lopsided and the tree will topple.

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  29. Poor Tommy, has a plant killer for a mommy! Um... so do my kids, but that's beside the point!

    I hope you don't kill this one!

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  30. Yes, it's a tree, it needs to be planted outside. Are you allowed to plant things in base housing?
    And snow? Supposed to be 86 here today, what is that snow thing?

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  31. I'm a plant killer, too. Good luck!

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  32. I think that you and I should have a contest to see who can kill a plant faster without intending to. I gotta warn you though, I once had a plant commit suicide on the way home from church where I got it.
    I'm definitely a contender...

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  33. oddly enough Im really good at taking care of outside plants but its the inside ones I tend to forget. I do have just one inside that Ive had for a couple of years though and the easiest way for me to remember to water it was to put it on the counter by the sink so when I was standing their rinsing a dish or something it reminded me to water it.

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  34. Good luck... I am not good with house plants either.

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  35. Sweetie, don't tell Tommy I said this but that has to be the UGLIEST damned plant I've ever seen and killing it would be a kindness.

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  36. Good luck with that... hopefully it won't die. I think I too would kill the plant. I don't even try to garden or have any plants. They are not my thing (at all).

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  37. I feel your black thumb. I have one too, but remember they made a TV show out of "The Charlie Brown Christmas Tree". And I LOVE your profile picture!
    Best,
    Colleen

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  38. I seriously have a black thumb. I can kill a cactus - apparently that takes special skills!

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  39. I used to kill all plants until my son brought home his sunflower last year. "Sonny" grew to be a proud 7 foot 2 inches tall last summer. I hope this doesn't set the bar for this year's crops.

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  40. I, too am a plant killer. My mother had the green thumb and it appears that Son has it too. It just skips a generation. Good luck!

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  41. He's a smart one! LOL Ah, well, good luck and I'd have a back-up ready just in case. ;)

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  42. I have a black thumb as well. My mom, however, does not and for years insisted on buying me plants, always claiming, "This kind is impossible to kill" or "This one is so easy to care for. All you have to do is water it!" Yeah, there lies my problem.

    Even when she gave me an OUTDOOR hanging tomato plant, I failed. The thing was growing tomatoes, but I managed to knock it off the hook once when watering it and that was the end of it.

    (My mom and siblings have all assumed custody over my "dead" plants and they're all thriving now. Yeah, I suck.)

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  43. well, since it took me all of 3 weeks to kill a plant a student gave me last year, I will refrain from commenting.

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  44. Well that's just way too much pressure for me:O

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  45. fabulous pot. (and if you don't have a plant in it down the line - not that this plant will die or anything - it could even be used to hold something else! err... um.. yea, what I mean to say is fabulous pot!)

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  46. I kill plants. Ben won't let me touch any of them.

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  47. Plants are too much work for me. I have no clue the difference between perennial and annuals. I just know I cheer a little bit when whatever is in the ground comes back up each spring.

    You could always buy a new plant and replace that one - if it bites it - and act like the new, fuller plant made an amazing growth spurt during Tommy's school day!

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  48. My fingers are crossed for all of you...

    Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner?
    www.mawhats4dinner.com

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  49. Good luck. I am okay with plants but I don't like it when kids give them to me. Makes me nervous.

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  50. Charlie Brown would be proud of that plant. I am a huge environmentalist and sadly have killed more plants than your standard lumberjack. Don't know what it is...maybe getting too busy and neglecting. There's still hope for both of us.

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  51. I am the same way. And my family are plant whisperers too. Why did the green thumb gene skip us, huh? Not fair at all.

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  52. Got the brown thumb, hu? I'm only good with certain plants. Like, spider plants. They are hard to kill. And almost always come back to life.

    Try the following: Look up (or ask the school) what kind of plant Tommy got. Look it up on the internet. Somewhere there is surely a "This special kind of plant for dummies" guide. Stick to it. (That's what I do. For the first time in my life, I have tomato plants on the balcony.)

    Good luck!

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  53. LOL I have killed every plant I have ever come into contact with! In fact I just killed my sons cabbage plant he brought home from school.

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  54. You aren't alone...I am no good with plants either...or fish, for that matter!

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