Thursday, July 1, 2010

Yup, I Saw Eclipse (and was scared..)

I'm here.

In North Carolina, that is.

I had a fantastic time with my friend Jennifer in Ohio. Kidless. Well, not totally. Her kids were there.

Last night we decided to go see Eclipse.

I was a little frightened, seeing as the movie had just come out and surely there would be scary Twi-hards milling about.

There were.

Scary Twi-hards milling about, I mean. A lot of them were sporting those frightening Twilight t-shirts. Grown adults even had them on. I wanted to high five this woman who came in with her teenage children since she had a shirt that said, "Team shut the fu*k up." My thoughts exactly, lady. My thoughts exactly.

Jennifer and I lucked out and found a good seat--mind you, the theater was pretty much full. Of scary Twi-hards. And I swear this one girl in our row was crying. Or hyperventilating. Or both. I heard her gasp out, "Edward.." a few times and was tempted to ask if she wanted a paper bag to blow in. And to go into a lengthy rant on how I think Edward is borderline mentally abusive.

Here's the thing about the movie:

It did a lot of close ups of the actors. I found this disturbing. I don't need to see all the pores on Kristen Stewart's face. Rob Pattinson just looks like he really needs to poo and Jacob looks all pinched as though his underwear is on too tight. I kept groaning whenever a close up would appear on the (large) screen. The Twi-hards, however, would squeal with delight. And clap. I wanted to shout, "I didn't pay good money to hear you nutsos make noise, thanks." But I didn't.

The movie was entertaining enough. See, I read the books and enjoyed them, I just could never understand the hoopla. Especially when adults freak out over it all. I'm all for getting excited over stuff but the things I'm excited over exist.

One part of the movie that upset me was when Edward took Bella's truck engine out so she couldn't see Jacob. When I read that in the book I yelled, "EXCUSE me?" and was tempted to add a snap like those chicks on Maury do when they're pissed. If a man removed my car engine, it wouldn't fly with me. He'd be dumped in a heartbeat. But Bella just sat there and dumbly asked, "Did you do this to my truck?" I'd have said, "Did you do this to my truck, jackass? Last I checked I was a grown ass adult and I can be friends with whomever I want." See? Edward=CREEPY. Edward=Rob Pattinson=CONSTIPATED expression throughout ENTIRE film.

And parents? Please tell your teens that it's impolite to make noises in the theater and that Jacob is no reason to shout over. Remind them of his pinched face.

And adults that shout in the theater when Jacob comes on the screen?

I'm a little afraid of you.

58 comments:

  1. I am seeing it tomorrow. I have always said that Edward looks constipated. Creepy, indeed.

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  2. I saw it on the Midnight showing Tuesday (Yes, I can hear you laughing) and the weirdest part...no whooping and screaching whenever someone wasn't wearing a shirt (which is the whole movie), NO ONE got up to pee, and you could hear popcorn drop it was so quiet. Love the "F-up" t-shirt, wish I had had one to wear Tuesday night, and a comb for "Edward's" hair. All and all, I thought this movie was better than the first 2, I loved the book because of the love story within it, not the supernatural stuff, and I think they did a good job of executing that, rather than the crazy, needy, co-dependant thing they had going before. K, I'm done. Glad you're having fun! -J

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  3. You're here - in NC! I KNEW something different was in the air today! Hope you have a wonderful time and am glad you got to spend a semi-kidless time with your friend.

    Twilight? Don't get it at all. Read the first book - wasn't impressed and walked away from the whole thing.

    As an aside - I typed Twitlight before I spell checked - hmmm, a Freudian slip maybe?

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  4. Always impossible for me to visit here without a laugh. Yes, something has gotten into the camera crews with the "creeping up nostrils" trend. Some close ups are just too close up. I can't get into these Twighlight films. Never even have the itching to see them. You are brave to venture into the theater for this film.

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  5. My niece is 13 and is on Team Jacob. I had an Entertainment Weekly magazine in the bathroom in which she disappeared for quite a length of time. I went to check on her, knocked on the door...and heard giggling....apparently there was a pic in the magazine of a shirtless Jacob.

    I have yet to encounter an adult team member...kinda weird, I would run away.

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  6. There were a bunch of grown women fanatics at my showing - I just don't get it. I had a neighbor who even had a cardboard cut out of Edward, that her husband bought for her! WTH!

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  7. I am on the team that the lady with the STFU shirt is on. I'm so tired of hearing about it. I had to stop watching Access Hollywood this week. I haven't read the books, don't plan to, and do not think that Jacob or Edward or whatever the heck their names are are attractive. I wish that lady would quit writing these books!

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  8. This post? Is one of the reasons I adore you. Because I totally agree. Team Shut the F up. Yes!!!!

    I read the books, liked them, but actually though the movies were better b/c the books sort of dragged on a bit.

    Hope you enjoyed your kid-free time!

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  9. I went to the movie last night.. and LOVED it. What I didn't love is that a mom sitting next to us brought three of her sons...

    who were under the age of 10!!! One of them had to use a booster seat! If your kids are young enough to require a booste seat, they are far too young to see vampies killing eachother like that!


    Worst parent award for the day went to that lady!

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  10. I drove by the theater with my kid to see if we could see any freaks dressed up like vampires while they were waiting in line. All day in the heat. To see that movie.

    There weren't any. I was disappointed.

    But yes, lots of t-shirts.

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  11. I haven't seen it yet. I'll probably go in a couple of weeks. I'm waiting for all the hoopla to die down. Or a babysitter to fall from the sky. Whichever comes first.

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  12. I really honestly couldn't care less about Twilight... or Harry Potter.... or Lord of the Rings... or any of those other huge series-type movies. It always amuses me to see people like that who are SO INTO IT.

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  13. Oh goodness. There is no borderline abusive about it. In fact, your one example there, with the car battery, pretty much confirms it. He is abusive.

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  14. I love this post for all the obvious reasons!! :)

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  15. OHEMGEE! HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE TWILIGHT? ECLIPSE CHANGED MY LIFE AND EDWARD IS A GOD! YOU MUST BE SOULESS IF YOU AREN'T A FAN- NOTHING ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH IS BETTER THAN TWILIGHT! EDWARD! ED. WARD. EDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDWARD. I WORSHIP HIM, OMG I SLEEP WITH HIS POSTER OVER MY BED. MY CATS TOTALLY DON'T MIND OR GET JEALOUS! EDWARD! TWILIGHT! SQUEE!

    .......................just kidding. :p

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  16. Twilight is so high school. Now True Blood is awesome!

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  17. I'm totally with Team STFU. Seriously. I really want my daughter to think that totally changing just for a guy is where it's at. Awesome.

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  18. How can anyone say Pattinson is a God or even cute. Puleeeeze!!! He looks like he was smacked in the face with the side of a house. Oh hell now that I think of it...maybe he is constipated. I am seriously trying to find a t-shirt with Team STFU. I read the books, which by the way, were butchered by the movies. That's so sad when something like that happens.

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  19. " And to go into a lengthy rant on how I think Edward is borderline mentally abusive."

    Nothin' borderline about it if you ask me!

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  20. Yep, you've convinced me - I really am never going to see this movie!

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  21. I only want to see Kristen Stewart's pores up close in person.

    :)

    So, no seeing this movie for me.

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  22. eeeeeekkkkkkk!!!!! Your in NC!!!! Come see me!
    :O)

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  23. LOL- I took my husband with me to see new moon last year and he couldn't believe the twihards. Girls even brought the books with them and were reading along. He was freaked to say the least.

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  24. this is so what i feel. Kudoos!

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  25. my 15yr old daughter is going tonight to see the movie... all I can think of now is: THANK GOODNESS!!! Now I don't have to endure watching it on DVD when it comes out b/c I know have the excuse of "You've already seen it"

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  26. I am glad it's not just me. I found Bella really annoying in the first book. If you think someone is too good for you, you shouldn't be dating him. I haven't seen the second or third movie. I will. Sometime.

    LisaDay

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  27. BBBBBwwwwwwahahahahahahahahahahaha!

    You crack me up, lady!

    I am not a Twi-hard. I was done with the series after I was 30 pages into the second book. I just had to put it down.

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  28. Hilarious! I loved this!! Thank you for the play by play, and the laughs, and...oh yeah, but I"d be zigzagging snapping fingers at someone who pulled out my truck engine.

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  29. *snapping* with a swaggering attitude! HA!! :)

    I don't get the hoopla over Twilight either. Except Bella is supposed to be 16-17 yrs old, not quite an adult and Edward is supposed to be like 150 yrs old. And you got that right, constipated look on Edwards face!!! Supposedly he's "in pain" or "tortured beyond reason and trying to keep in control" or something like that. Whatever. I like your definition... constipated. Yes.

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  30. You crack me up! I'm totally there with you, enjoyed the books, enjoying the movies, and totally freaked out about the twi-heads!

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  31. I probably won't see it until it comes out on DVD so I can watch it in the privacy of my own home without weirdos making noises and screaming out in delirious love or hate or whatever. Loved your depiction of the whole thing and that woman's T-shirt is awesome!

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  32. I've managed to skip over every aspect of the Twilight mania. Not saying this is good or bad, mind you. But I still laughed out loud at your post. Ya crack me up, girl.

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  33. This post is so funny! Thanks for sharing about the movie. I have read many reviews of it and I will wait for it to come out on DVD.

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  34. Good Morning!!!

    I just wanted to say that I LOVE your blogs name!!! And I don't think I'll be going to see that movie. YIKES!

    I wanted to let you that I have a link on my blog ( myhookandI) for a Yankee Candle coupon that can be printed out if you want to..
    My favorite is Home Sweet home... for now anyway...:-)

    Have fun shopping! And most of all..
    Have a Happy 4th Of July weekend!!!

    ~ Susan

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  35. cannot believe you BRAVED the movies!!!
    haha!
    hubs asked if i wanted him to take me.. i said no- cause as much as i am a lover of all things twilight.. i'm with you.. the twiaddicts really SCARE me...
    told him i would wait for it to come to pay-per-view... watch from the safety of home..
    have a great vacation!!!!

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  36. "but the things I'm excited over exist" That's a keeper!

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  37. Wow! I love this post!
    You seem to have the exact same views on the whole Twilight fiasco that I do and I'm super duper excited to hear it!
    All my friends are like "OMG Rob Pattinson!"
    Personally, I think he looks like a hobo. And like he does pot.
    As for that grown lady's t-shirt, I totally want one!

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  38. I saw it last night and commented to my friend about the super close-ups that they were doing all throughout the movie. I don't need to able to count nose hairs.

    Also, I feel that Edward doesn't look some much constipated as constantly on the verge of throwing up.

    We also had a family with a kid who looked about 6 months old and 5 year old in theater...at a 8:40pm show. A+ parenting right there!

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  39. My sister and I want shirts that say, "Team Bella needs to grow some balls and stop letting men boss her around because she's effing up little girls in our society"

    Yeah, it's long, but really, Edward IS borderline mentally abusive, I'm glad we're not the only ones who see that.

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  40. When I watch these movies, all I can think is how unhealthy these teenage relationships are.

    I saw it last night as well and while we didn't have any squealers, the girl I came with would NOT SHUT UP.

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  41. I'll see it on netflicks. I'm really not up for waisting my money right now.
    Oh and some crazy blamed her car accident outside of denver on seeing a vampire. um? yea.

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  42. its been a long day. wasting. not waisting. although, I'm sure the movie theater would equal candy which would equal adding to my waist... so it might make sense.

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  43. All the talk about this Twilight stuff makes me want to go see the movies. Haven't read the books, don't really have an interest in vampires (I think thats whats in it-I really have no idea) Maybe when the movies go on sale at Walmart it'll pick them up...Is there even more than one Movie(?)I'm a Twilight Virgin.
    This Post made me laugh!

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  44. Oh my gosh! FUNNY!!!! "get excited over things that exist" that just took me out! Thank you for the laugh! Agree- pleeeaase be quiet in the theater!

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  45. it's like you read my mind :o) I haven't seen it yet b/c the hubby is working constantly and I'm too cheap to get a babysitter.

    Please that talk/make noise in a movie theater, should be shot on sight!

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  46. I need that team stfu shirt! I HATE it when people yack in the theater.

    About the twihard mania....I don't get it either. Vampires and werewolves are supposed to be evil, man eating machines...not someone to pine over. Give me Christopher Lee's Dracula any day.

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  47. I think he just took the starter out, not the whole engine.

    The theater manager made a speech before the movie saying that anyone talking or making noise or getting out their cell phones during the movie would be escorted out. Then they also had security guards there. The manager even said, "It would be SUPER AWESOME if you guys respect the rules." It worked too. One of the most enjoyable evenings for me at the theater full of teens. Even had one mom/grandma bring her 3 month old to the midnight showing. Baby slept thru it, thankfully.

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  48. I must be the only person in the country who has neither seen or read any of these - nor do I have any plans to. . . Do you believe I honestly thought you were talking about a MOON?! Sheeeeeesh. . .

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  49. Hmmm...I saw New Moon in the theater many, many weeks after it was released. By then, there were no squealing twi-hard fans (although they are why I've not yet found the strength to get to Eclipse). There were, however, single men surrounding me...hmmm. Creepy!

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  50. Ah, I'm so tired of going to the movies and then being all like ugh, why is this movie being ruined by people talking! But there's still something enjoyable about going to the movie theatre and not just watching at home.

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  51. Thanks for making me laugh so hard I had tears! I haven't seen any of these movies, and I'm a little afraid of trying now. If viewed (and that is now a big if), it will be in the safety of my own home!

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  52. Jennifer must be a REALLY good friend of yours if you let her drag you to see that movie! LOL

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  53. I know! I have thought so many times that the relationship of Edward and Bella is a bit freaky and unhealthy. In every way. Nutrionally, emotionally, etc. etc.

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  54. Im with you...I enjoyed the books ok but I dont get the hype at all!

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  55. Hehe! My friend and I were just talking about how they always look the same, no matter the situation. Bella and Edward, for being soooo in love, never look happy! Would it hurt them to look happy just once? Ugh.

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