In North Carolina, that is.
I had a fantastic time with my friend Jennifer in Ohio. Kidless. Well, not totally. Her kids were there.
Last night we decided to go see Eclipse.
I was a little frightened, seeing as the movie had just come out and surely there would be scary Twi-hards milling about.
Scary Twi-hards milling about, I mean. A lot of them were sporting those frightening Twilight t-shirts. Grown adults even had them on. I wanted to high five this woman who came in with her teenage children since she had a shirt that said, "Team shut the fu*k up." My thoughts exactly, lady. My thoughts exactly.
Jennifer and I lucked out and found a good seat--mind you, the theater was pretty much full. Of scary Twi-hards. And I swear this one girl in our row was crying. Or hyperventilating. Or both. I heard her gasp out, "Edward.." a few times and was tempted to ask if she wanted a paper bag to blow in. And to go into a lengthy rant on how I think Edward is borderline mentally abusive.
Here's the thing about the movie:
It did a lot of close ups of the actors. I found this disturbing. I don't need to see all the pores on Kristen Stewart's face. Rob Pattinson just looks like he really needs to poo and Jacob looks all pinched as though his underwear is on too tight. I kept groaning whenever a close up would appear on the (large) screen. The Twi-hards, however, would squeal with delight. And clap. I wanted to shout, "I didn't pay good money to hear you nutsos make noise, thanks." But I didn't.
The movie was entertaining enough. See, I read the books and enjoyed them, I just could never understand the hoopla. Especially when adults freak out over it all. I'm all for getting excited over stuff but the things I'm excited over exist.
One part of the movie that upset me was when Edward took Bella's truck engine out so she couldn't see Jacob. When I read that in the book I yelled, "EXCUSE me?" and was tempted to add a snap like those chicks on Maury do when they're pissed. If a man removed my car engine, it wouldn't fly with me. He'd be dumped in a heartbeat. But Bella just sat there and dumbly asked, "Did you do this to my truck?" I'd have said, "Did you do this to my truck, jackass? Last I checked I was a grown ass adult and I can be friends with whomever I want." See? Edward=CREEPY. Edward=Rob Pattinson=CONSTIPATED expression throughout ENTIRE film.
And parents? Please tell your teens that it's impolite to make noises in the theater and that Jacob is no reason to shout over. Remind them of his pinched face.
And adults that shout in the theater when Jacob comes on the screen?
I'm a little afraid of you.