Thursday, September 23, 2010

You've Been Owned

My son Tommy loves to swim.

In fact, I didn’t even have to put him in the beginning swimmers class. He skipped right to the middle one where the kids were supposed to be able to swim halfway across the pool on their own. He’s just always been a natural in the water, which is fantastic, because you have to understand that because Tommy has Aspergers, he’s awkward while doing other sports.

He tried the t-ball thing and was upset when he couldn’t catch the ball as well as the other kids. And try as he might, it would take him a few times to hit the ball off the stand.

He tried soccer and would up on his butt more times than he cares to remember.

He had an unfortunate incident with a tennis ball.

So when I saw how free he was in the water, my heart lifted and I thought, “This is something he can do.”

Oh sure, he still has awkward moments. For instance, he can’t dive into the pool as easily as the other kids do. No, he winds up doing a belly flop half the time. And when the teacher throws an object in the middle of the pool for the kids to retrieve, Tommy is able to swim to it but he can’t force his body down to the bottom so he’s able to grab it. This frustrates him greatly. I sometimes hear him say to the teacher, “Just let me keep trying, please!”

What he can do is swim and I’ve watched him glide past older kids, who have asked him a few times, “How do you go so fast?” Tommy usually says, “I don’t know. I just do.”

Usually he hasn’t gloated over the fact that he touches the wall first.

Until this week.

I took him to lessons on Monday and he did the backstroke which is his best stroke. He beat the kids and then I heard him go, “You’ve been owned.”

Um.

I thought I heard him wrong. Certainly my sweet eight-year-old hadn’t just told other kids that they had been owned.

And where did he hear such a thing? I have never once told him that he’s been owned before.

He did the breaststroke and touched the wall first again. “Owned!” he bellowed and the mother of the beaten boys in Tommy’s class shot me a look like, “You need to teach your kid some manners.”

Then it came time for the butterfly, which is Tommy’s least favorite stroke and he’s still awkward at it but he’s getting better. He edged out the oldest boy and then I heard him say, “Owned again!”

“Tommy!” I yelled and shook my head. He looked confused and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, “What’s the deal?”

“It’s not polite to say,” I said.

Tommy frowned. “Say what?”

Oh for….

“Owned. Don’t say that,” I lectured. I could feel the eyes of all the parents in the room. And Tommy’s swim teacher just looked amused over the whole thing. One of the older kids went, “It’s cool, everyone says it,” and I went lamely, “Yes, but it’s not polite.”

Tommy didn’t say the word for the rest of the lesson. He almost slipped once and I could hear his tiny voice go, “Own—I mean, nevermind.” When he came over, dripping wet, he said, “Why can’t I say that? Kids say it all the time in school.”

I handed him his towel. “It’s not having good manners. If you hit the wall first, you say nothing. Would you like being told you were owned?”

Tommy cocked his head to the side. “It wouldn’t bug me.”

“Well, it would bug me,” I said. I didn’t add, “And I’d probably call the winner a smug asshole if he told me that.”

“Fine. I won’t say it anymore,” Tommy agreed. “But it’s not a bad word. Fuck is a bad word, but not owned.”

A mother walked past with her kid and nearly fell into the pool from shock.

“Tommy,” I hissed. “Please.”

Tommy slapped a hand over his mouth. “Oh. Sorry. I did say a bad word then. But owned isn’t a bad word,” he muttered.

“Just…don’t ever say it again when you win. Deal?” I asked, gathering up our things.

“Deal.”

60 comments:

  1. Owned. LOL. That's awesome. That's great that he has been able to find a sport that he excels at!

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  2. That is too cute! And it's great to find a sport that he "owns"! AND I guess he TOLD you about that bad word! Ha! Great story!

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  3. Kid's got a point. And it must feel f*^#ing great to own a sport for a change.

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  4. Innocence of a lil kid ya know? Owned? Really? I know 25 year olds that say that. He might have heard it on a TV Show or on a commercial or yeah the other kids using it cuz they heard it from their bigger siblings. But I'm glad to hear he likes swimming. I was never good with the ball sports either. I hope he sticks to his deal!!

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  5. Your blog always has me cracking up. Tommy sounds like such a fun and precocious kid. Owned is cracking me up!!

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  6. I almost spit my water back out when I read this and got to the "owned isn't a bad word, F*ck is" part. Thanks for sharing with us!

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  7. he did make an excellent point in that 'owned' is not a bad word haha! He sounds adorable!! Apparently kids tend to repeat all the crap you say, so I've heard anyhow.
    I actually think I have said the same thing to my husband in the past couple months hahaha =)
    On a serious note -- it's fabulous that Tommy has found something he is really good at and enjoys!

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  8. Poor boy, it must be hard to follow all that damn, ops, rules ;)

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  9. Bwhahahaha. Can't fault a boy for saying it like it is.

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  10. Okay, here's how out of it I am-- 'owned' is totally new to me!

    I'm so thrilled that Tommy shines as a swimmer! That's great for him-- I know how boys want to be athletic!

    Kudos to you for insisting on the manners, too.

    L.

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  11. oh my, probably not your proudest mothering moment! I mean, none of us other moms have ever been there-nope, not us!

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  12. hahahahahaha I would've died from laughter if my kid ever said that.

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  13. Don't feel bad if he says "owned" to other children. I caught my son telling another child "epic fail" when the other child did not succeed in something my child did.

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  14. Love, LOVE this story. Cracked me up on all accounts.

    Yay for Tommy having something he excells at. And swimming is so fab (I was a swimmer, and backstroke was MY best stroke too. Though I never told anyone they'd been owned, I SHOULD have. haha).

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  15. Maybe, just to be safe, you should tell him not to say Fuck if ever he should lose. In fact, I should probably tell my kids that, too.

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  16. Haha! Glad he's a good swimmer. I suck at swimming.

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  17. Oh my gosh that was soo funny!!

    So proud of him for doing so well at swimming!!

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  18. I have to admit, if I tried so many things and gave them my full effort and still felt like I wasnt any good and then found something that I rocked at... I'd totally be smug and only be a little sportsmanslike but still let them know I totally owned them!

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  19. I don't even know what your kid is talking about.

    "Fuck" is not a bad word.

    :)

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  20. Too funny! It would have been great to see the other mom fall into the pool from shock haha.
    I'm glad that Tommy is doing so great with swimming!

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  21. Oh my.. I suppose "owned" isn't so bad afterall... it could be much worse...

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  22. I love that a mom just so happened to be walking by has he dropped the f-bomb! Hahaha and I'm glad Tommy "owned" all the other kids in the pool. It's nice to know you are good at something. And nice to be polite about it.

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  23. I love it! He's found his place! Teehee!

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  24. That was hilarious. If my child told another child they had been owned I don't even know if I would be able to discipline them because I would be choking on laughter and shock.

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  25. I would have wanted the floor to open and swallow me up!

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  26. oh goodness.. think i may have just peed a little!!!

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  27. That is hilarious! Anyway, I'm glad he is so good at swimming and enjoys it!

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  28. Haha... I can't blame him. He did own that kid.

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  29. Bwhahahaha - love that story - plus I know I would be kind of smug too when I heard/saw him and say "Yeah, you were totally owned". hehe - but yes, teaching manners is a mothers job. ;)

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  30. Bahahaha! I can't believe he said f%ck so nonchalantly! oh the joys of parenthood!

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  31. Ahh! I can just picture him saying F*** with no issues at all.

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  32. Good for both of you. Him for being proud and you for helping him learn how to "own" it nicely.

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  33. Sorry, I'm siding with Tommy on this one. As I was reading the post, it was obvious to me that he picked up "owned" from the other kids. It's probably being told to him nonstop at recess and lunch and P.E. Here is something he's good at that he can finally say to the other kids. They don't take it personally. They say it themselves! LOL!

    It's great that you found a sport he excels at!

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  34. So freaking funny!!!
    That is awesome.
    When my son was that age he walked into the first day of soccer practice and told the entire team. "I am here to kick all ya'lls butts!" ARGH.

    I am so glad he is "owning" at a sport. And it is awesome that it is swimming!!

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  35. LMAO! I love how AS kids are so at home in the water. Its such a boost for them when they struggle with most everything else in their lives.

    I do think "Owned" is better than "I WON! I WON!" Definitely not the bad word though. LOL

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  36. HAHAHA! Rock on Tommy! Own 'em ALL! As a mom you've gotta teach him proper behaviour. . . but 'cmon. Honestley. On the inside, don't you say it to yourself EVERY TIME he shows up all the other 'normal' kids? I totally would. But I'm a jerk like that :)

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  37. LOL. I think saying the word owned isn't as bad as the context in which he said it. But how do you explain that to an 8 year old?

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  38. Ha! I've had moments like that with my kids. The stuff that comes out of their mouths is so entertaining.

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  39. My stepdaughter introduced me to "owned" - I have a feeling she'll be saying that to me tonight after I drag her to Fit Hop :-)

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  40. HAHAHA! That sounds just like something that belongs in the new Shopaholic book! :)

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  41. If you let him pass on that last comment, then you bin owned!

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  42. Oh that Tommy! So glad he's got a sport that he "owns" - but that kid on a swim team and watch him own, errrr, I mean beat those other kids!

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  43. That's too funny! I'm glad he's got a sport he owns. And stop worrying about what the other mothers think. Unless of course one walks by wearing a "mother of the year" tiara or something. Then you should probably trip her so she falls in the pool and shout "You've been owned!"

    ♥Spot

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  44. that is hilarious that he said the F word at the end! your little dude knows what's what. LOL

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  45. Iwould have cracked up if I had heard him say that about the f word.

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  46. OK, I laughed out loud. Tommy so "owned" this post!

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  47. I laughed out loud too! Your son is f'''''n right! He deserves to own it!! Congrats to him!!

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  48. I love how direct children are. I wish they didn't lose that as they grew older. Adults and the bush-beating, passive aggressive crap is irriatating. Tell it like it is and be done with it. Tommy is so awesome!

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  49. "Fucking Owned" is MUCH better.

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  50. BAHAHAHAHAHA!

    I freaking love Tommy! He is the best!

    can you guys just hurry up and get your own sitcom already!?

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  51. That is seriously hilarious! My son is 7 1/2 and he's very concious about not wanting to hurt people's feeling so he's usually very polite. Now my nephew is 3 weeks younger than him and he's a typical kid... not aware of things like that. (My son is too mature for his age and he drives me crazy sometimes!) But sometimes when they're playing my nephew will yell out at my son "You've been served!"

    My son totally doesn't get it. LMAO!

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  52. Tommy is hilarious! And he's right, f**k is a bad word. Thankfully, he's a good enough kid to listen to his Mum.

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  53. When put that way, owned doesn't sound so bad after all.

    I am still laughing.

    LisaDay

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  54. Ok my son is 9 and I heard "owned" for the first time at baseball about 3 weeks ago when his team beat the other half of the team in a relay race. What is up with that word lol?
    Love how he compared it to the f bomb, bet you loved that too ;)

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  55. He's is so funny!!! So glad he enjoys swimming. The trick we taught James to get to the bottom is to sit cross-legged and go down. The head first is hard and if he has trouble diving, then his equilibrium is probably in his shoulders instead of in his hips (most boys balance from their shoulders). Get the shoulders down into the water and they seem to be able to go to the bottom better. Just my two cents.

    As for the owned, too funny! Boys don't seem to mind that kind of gloating...girls not so much. ha!

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  56. I don't want to laugh, but I have to! Tommy is so funny!

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  57. I loved the story though i donot know what that 'owned' mean!!

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  58. That is too funny! "Owned!" Love it!

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  59. Gotta love boys being boys! I'll have to think of a scenario where I can use that phrase!

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