Monday, November 8, 2010

My Dear Letters

Here are some letters I wish I could send...



Dear House (my actual house, not the House from the TV show),

Please stop falling apart on me. I know you think it’s funny but it’s really not. And that stunt you pulled when the hot water suddenly went out while I was in the shower? Not cool.

Signed,
A-doesn-t-like-to-scream-while-bathing,
Amber

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Dear Natalie,

What was up with the meltdown earlier? All I said was that it was time for a bath. The last time I checked, you love taking baths. Carrying on for 20 minutes about how baths are not fun was not an enjoyable time for Mommy.

Signed,
A-Bathtime-Is-One-Of-The-Few-Times-She’s-Contained,
Amber

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Dear Tommy,

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sit on your latest Lego creation. I didn’t see it on the couch. If it’s any consolation, it really hurt my butt.

Signed,
A-Need-To-Be-More-Alert,
Amber

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Dear NBC,

Please don’t cancel Parenthood. It’s been said that you won’t be ordering any more episodes. Don’t give up on such an awesome show.

Signed,
A-Will-Really-Be-Bummed-If-The-Show-Goes,
Amber

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Dear Tom,

I wrapped up your Christmas presents. Don’t make fun of my wrapping. I know I suck at it. I do try though.

Signed,
A-Sucky-Wrapper,
Amber

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Dear Glen the Antelope,

Look, I know you find it amusing to eat all the plants in my yard. But it isn’t. Go bug someone else. The woman down the street has all sorts of delicious things growing in her yard.

Signed,
A-Glen-Is-Lucky-I-Don’t-Know-How-To-Make-Jerky,
Amber

-------------------------


Dear Totinos Pizza Rolls,

Why can’t I quit you?

Signed,
A-They-re-Just-So-Easy-To-Make,
Amber

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Dear train that likes to rumble past my window and blare it’s horn at 3 AM,

Knock it off. We get it. You’re coming through. One blare of your horn is enough. Maybe you’re pissed that other people get to sleep at 3 AM while you have to go through boring states and I apologize for that...but still, shhhh. Repeat after me: one blare of your horn is enough. One blare of your horn is ENOUGH!

Signed,
A-Doesn't-Like-Her-Sleep-Interrupted,
Amber

52 comments:

  1. They are canceling Parenthood?!?! Why?!?!

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  2. Maybe you should lead Glen toward the neighbor's yard with an enticing trail of Pizza Rolls?

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  3. Love Parenthood. I think I cry every episode. Also, love your blog!

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  4. Hmmm. You'd have to brew a whole pot of coffee to get through all the letters like this I would need to write.

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  5. They can't cancel Parenthood! Maybe the 3am train will pluck off Glen? Just a thought. :)

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  6. I think the one to Totinos Rolls should say, "I WISH I KNEW HOW TO QUIT YOU!" just because that's my favorite line from a movie eveeer.

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  7. Oh please say it ain't so about Parenthood! Why would they do such a thing?! That's the best show on t.v. right now! What a bummer! :(

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  8. The Pizza Rolls - YUM! Why would you want to quit them?

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  9. Son and I love your Glen stories! I can give you a recipe for jerky, but you have to kill Glen or a friend first. That would be a bummer because then there would be no Glen tales.

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  10. it cracks me up every time that you call him Glen =) PERFECT name!

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  11. oh no!!!!!
    parenthood... really??

    i had NOT heard that.. i am SO crossing my fingers on that one.. LOVE that show!!!

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  12. Maybe your neighbors are doing something to deter glen and if you ask they might tell you what..hopefully it isn't wolf urine or anything..

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  13. I am sorry you live by a train. Must be the worst sleep ever.

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  14. I have an annoying train problem, too. They are so over zealous with their horns late at night.

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  15. Ooh, legos. I do not look forward to those, but Gadget Guy can not wait. We were at the mall and they just opened a lego store. You'd think he'd died and gone to heaven, especially when he saw the larger than life Yoda built out of legos.

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  16. What?!?! they better NOT cancel Parenthood! thats crazy! I LOVE that show!

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  17. Yes, the Parenthood thing I read in a brief statement on the Internet. NBC still isn't sure what they should do.

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  18. Yeah, cold water in the midst of a shower can't be appreciated. ;)

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  19. I hadn't heard about Parenthood. They better not cancel it! I have been more critical of it this season, but it's still an awesome show! Bastards!

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  20. cold shower YIKES!!! I think I would have went with stank option myself.

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  21. I love Parenthood! I join you in sincerely hoping they keep it. The fact that it is promoting autism/aspberger awareness is enough, but they also have great actors and interesting plot lines!

    I laughed really hard about you sitting on the legos. Used to be I couldn't navigate Sean's floor without embedding some legos in the bottom of my foot.

    ♥Spot

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  22. 4-6 lb of Glen
    4 tbs. salt
    4 tbs. course black pepper
    21/2 tbs. paprika
    1/2 tbs. msg (optional)
    1 tbs. (Morton's) natures seasonings
    1/2 tbs. garlic powder
    3 tbs. season salt (Lawrys)
    1 cup Worcestershire Sauce
    4 cup red wine vinegar
    cayenne pepper to taste

    Mix ingredients and let Glen soak for 4 hours or more I prefer to smoke mine until dry but can be dehydrated in oven (150 F) or dehydrator Seal in plastic bags if there's any left enjoy!

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  23. Lol, Intense Guy! Love it!
    I hate when trains blare their horns. It is so unnecessary and annoying.
    My kids go through meltdowns about bath time too. One day they're fine and dandy about baths. Then the next day they are screaming, acting like you're asking to rip off their toenails! Kids...

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  24. Amber, this will get everything straightened out. It's direct. It's clear. It's compelling! Good going!

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  25. Are you watching The Walking Dead? You have pretty much the same taste in tv as I do and I didn't want you to miss something excellent. (look on my blog for the link)

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  26. SNORT! I know how to make jerky, so tell Glenn the Antelope that one of your followers has his number. And, gah, another mom falls victim to the legos. I'm pretty sure my foot is broken from stepping on a stray in the middle of the night, where I was woken up by, yes, a rumbling train.

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  27. I suck at wrapping too...I really try and I still really suck

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  28. good idea.

    dear money tree,

    please grow.

    best regards,

    sick of working lady

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  29. Dear Amber,

    I LOVE your Dear letters. Keep them coming.

    signed,

    a beloved follwer

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  30. LOVE the letters!!

    And ouch, those Legos! I don't know which is worse: sitting on them or stepping on them barefoot. Ugh.

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  31. I love Parenthood & will be highly disappointed!!! Also, I too suck at wrapping.

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  32. My brother used to leave his Lego creations in the bath, my childhood was scared with many "Lego in the Bum" moments. I feel your pain, Amber, I really do.

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  33. Wait: when the hot water went off that wasn't cool? Are you sure? It wasn't cold? You've been a great audience; I'll be here all week! Be sure to tip your waitresses...

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  34. Lovely letters :) I would write mine to the crickets that are currently invading my house. They might be comparable to Glen on the annoyance scale. Cricket songs at 3am...no fun. And they stop chirping when they realize you're onto them.
    de-lovelylife.blogspot.com

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  35. lol.. your blog title speaks for itself =p

    nice letters, very honest.

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  36. Your letters suck me in and I can swear I can hear your voice reading them and I don't even ow you lol. And I am so with you on the parenthood letter it's such a great show

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  37. I love this letter idea. It seems like a good outlet.

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  38. Haha! I'm loving the Pizza Rolls letter. :)

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  39. Such fun letters!

    I am HORRIBLE at wrapping presents..but I am way better than my husband.

    Yesterday my 5-year old had a long major tantrum because I told her that onsies can be short-sleeved and she didn't believe me. Kids can be so weird.

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  40. OMG...I will boycott NBC if they cancel that show.

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  41. Yes, I believe Glen is very lucky you don't know how to make jerky. :) I often write letters on my blog to... maybe someday I will send one of them. -J

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  42. I am sure Tommy was very consoled by that LOL

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  43. Bahahaha. I think this is my favorite compilation of Hey Its okay thus far!

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  44. lol! Short and sweet and oh so funny with your dear letters! These days I take one look in my son's lego infested room and tell him he can come HERE and kiss me goodnight because there's no way I'm walking across the room!

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  45. Oh, please don't tell me they're going to cancel Parenthood. It's my favorite show right now!!!

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  46. They better NOT cancel Parenthood! I'm really enjoying it. Maybe we should start an internet petition just in case?

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