Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Swinging for Daddy

“Mommy,” Natalie said, frowning at the uniformed man who came to pick up his daughter at preschool. “Why is he here and Daddy is in Korea?”

My heart squeezed. How to you explain deployments to a three-year-old? She understands that her Daddy had to go away for work and will be away for a long time. But sometimes, her tiny mind doesn’t compute the exact reason why.

“That Daddy is here because he didn’t have to go to Korea,” I said gently, pulling up one of Natalie’s socks that had slipped down around her ankles. “But your Daddy did.”

Natalie stared as her friend ran into her Daddy’s arms. “I miss my Daddy,” she said. “Is he coming home soon?”

I bit my lower lip. “No, baby. He won’t be home until August. But we should be able to talk to him on the computer later.”

Natalie’s shoulders sagged. “Alright.” While she loves talking to her Daddy via Skype, it’s not the same. She and her Daddy used to do a lot together. He’d come home and scoop her into his arms, pressing kisses on her cheeks. “How’s my girl?” Tom would shout as Natalie giggled happily. Natalie would snuggle onto Tom’s lap and they’d watch boring World War 2 programs on The Military Channel. I’m not sure if Natalie was fully amused by these shows, but she was always content on her Daddy’s lap, resting against his chest.

I try to cuddle with her and she lets me for a little bit, but then slides off. My chest isn’t like Daddy’s, it’s just not the same.

When we got home, Natalie sat on the couch, her mind remaining on the fact that her friend still had her Daddy around. I managed to cheer her up a bit, and she actually cracked a smile.

But then something happened, she hit her head, she banged her knee, I wasn’t quite sure. Suddenly she was screaming, howling, and I hugged her close as she sobbed, “I want my Daddy.”

“Me too,” I answered. “I want him too. But we have to be strong, okay? He wouldn’t want us to be sad.”

Natalie sniffled as a tear slipped down her cheek.

“Is there anything you want to do? To help you feel closer to Daddy? Maybe draw a picture?” I pressed.

Natalie thought about it for a second. “I want to swing.”

I glanced out the window. The wind was howling, rattling them. At best, it was thirty degrees. “I’m not sure if—” Natalie’s hopeful face stared back at me. “You know what? Okay. Let’s swing.”

We slipped on our winter jackets, put hats on our heads, slipped gloves over our hands and then made our way to the park.

A genuine smile appeared on Natalie’s face when she spotted the swing. She ran to it, pigtails flapping against the back of her neck. She scrambled onto it and I began to push her, ignoring the bitter cold. Yeah, it might have been uncomfortable standing out there as the wind brushed against my cheeks.

But Natalie was laughing. And as I pushed her up towards the sky, she waved her legs around and shouted, “I’m getting closer to Daddy, aren’t I Mommy?”

“Yes, baby, you are.”

After swinging, we returned home and Natalie said she was going to draw a picture. A few minutes later she handed me a drawing that looked like a bunch of squiggly lines. But she pointed seriously and said, “That’s me. Swinging. I was getting closer to Daddy. Can we send this to him?”

I felt a lump form in my throat. “Of course we can, Natalie. I’m sure he’ll love this drawing.”

65 comments:

  1. Yeah, my heart is breaking. Hang tough and Skype often.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is so beautiful. Good for you for throwing the coldness to the wind and giving Natalie a moment she'll never forget.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This made me sob like a baby. My husband got home from Iraq in May when our daughter was 16 months old, we found out we're expecting baby #2 in June and he deploys again in August. This time our oldest will really know he's gone and it breaks my heart-- I am not looking forward to it at all.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Many people don't realize the sacrifices military families make.

    Stay strong!

    ReplyDelete
  5. This brought tears to my eyes. I'm kind of relieved my daughter doesn't have kids yet, when her husband deploys again. (Hugs)Indigo

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh that's rough. But you did a great job of helping her feell closer to her daddy. HUGS!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Totally made me cry, and I'm not even out of bed yet! Thanks for that. :) It makes me worry about our first deployment (Evie will be 3 then too) & if I'll do the right thing when these moments present themselves.

    ReplyDelete
  8. oh big hugs darling. this post literally made me cry. I used to swing to be close to my daddy too. Funny - I don't know what that metaphor is that Natalie and I thought it made us any closer. but this post kinda made me wish I had a playground near by...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh my goodness. That made me cry. Thank you for sharing. And thank you, Tom, for serving our country. Thank you, Amber, Tommy, and Natalie for being strong and sharing your experiences.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm sure this is a little tougher on the kids at this time of year. I'm sorry...

    ReplyDelete
  11. This brought tears to my eyes -- thank you for sharing this moving story.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Amber, this is so touching. Sometimes we forget to think like a kid and realize that they, too, are impacted by the same things you are. You're such a good Mommy!

    ReplyDelete
  13. If I had to speak right now, I couldn't. How hard this must be, for you and for the kids....
    Wishing you more moments like this so you can all feel closer to Tom!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Awwwww heartbreaking! You're a Wonderful Momma...understanding the importance of her needs! BIG HUGS!!!
    Thank you for your soldier husband!

    ReplyDelete
  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  16. What a sweet and sad post. I can't imagine having to be apart so long, especially for the kids.

    When my husband was 5 and in Kindegarten, he saw "a man" come to pick up his friend. He asked who it was, and she said her Dad. He then went home and asked his Mom WHAT a Dad was. His had died when he was 7 months old. Needless to say, his Mom fell apart. Can't imagine having to explain missing Dads, whatever the circumstance may be.

    Hang in there. Your kids are lucky to have such a great Mom.

    ReplyDelete
  17. oh...this made me have a tear in my eye! Thanks for sharing...I don't think I could ever understand how it feels to have my husband in the military. What a great honor and selfless sacrifice...

    ReplyDelete
  18. Big Hugs! She is a sweetie. Good job, Mom! :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Wow... tears came to eyes reading this. Praying these next few months will just fly by. ((HUGS))

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thank you for all your family has done for our country. My nephew was a Ranger; I know the sacrifices are huge--I am grateful!

    ReplyDelete
  21. That's really tough sweetheart. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Kori xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  22. My heart goes out to your family. I can't even imagine. My father was a sales guy so he was gone during the week, ever week, but he always came home on the weekends. That was hard enough. Wonderfully written.

    ReplyDelete
  23. And I'm crying. Thanks for that...

    ReplyDelete
  24. Thank you for the sacrifices you and your family make to protect our liberties. Merry Christmas!

    ReplyDelete
  25. You're a brave mother and wife. I thank you for having a husband who is fighting for our country.

    That was a heartfelt story, thank you for sharing.

    God Bless

    ReplyDelete
  26. and now.. i have tears for natalie..

    even though i went through a deployment too.. i haven't any kids... and couldn't imagine..

    i think you ROCK as a mom!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Aaaand, now I'm crying at work again. You are a very good mom. I will be glad for you when hubby gets to come home.

    ReplyDelete
  28. This has me tearing up. So sweet and precious! I'm sure Tom is going to love the new picture. Stay strong!

    ReplyDelete
  29. OMG I'm crying now! Hug her extra tight tonight :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. That is so sweet! I'm glad she could get closer to her daddy!

    ReplyDelete
  31. The sacrifices military families make for us just awes me.

    Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Heartbreaking. Hope August comes quickly for you.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Aw...that is so sweet. I hope August is here before you know it!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Poor Natalie! Poor you! I know you all miss him so very much!

    ReplyDelete
  35. What a sweet girl she is and I;m glad you braved the cold to make her smile. Amber you are a strong women that is a long time away from your hubs. I know its hard I wish he would be home sooner. ((hugs))


    PS Walmart by me has a shit load of Pumpkin Pie Poptarts!! They are pure evil!

    ReplyDelete
  36. That actually made me feel a bit emotional, and I'm as hard as nails.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Aw this made me cry a little, although I love that the swings bring her closer to her daddy. I'm 23 and swinging is one of my favorite things to do when I'm upset.

    ReplyDelete
  38. This is so hard, Amber, for you and the kids, and of course for Tom. After these dreadful holidays, the time will fly on by an it'll be August!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Gosh, I could cry for Natalie. I can't imagine how hard it is for her to really understand.

    ReplyDelete
  40. This just made me cry. You are a wonderful mother, braving that weather to make your girl happy. She's such a sweet kid. :)

    ReplyDelete
  41. That's a good story, and you're a really good mom! Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Natalie is such a gem! I love that she can be feisty and sweet.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Sweet and sentimental. Love it. Goodness I feel for you and your babies. I can't imagine being mommy and daddy. It takes me back to when my Tom was deployed. I've missed him since then, but nothing comes close to touching my heart and changing me like that particular experience.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Awww...I think you just scored a last minute place on the finalist list for Mom of the Year :)

    ReplyDelete
  45. I have tears streaming down my cheeks. I admire your strength and the strength of all military families. Gratitude is not a strong enough word to describe how I feel towards our soldiers and their families.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you.

    You are an awesome mom.

    Hang in there.

    ((Hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  47. This made me cry. You're a great Mum. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Awww that brought tears to my eyes. I cant imagine what you guys must be going through. My hubs is gone during the week but home on the weekends and as tough as that is on me and my girls it is nothing compared to what your family is going through

    ReplyDelete
  49. Oh my. What a story. Beautifully and emotionally told.

    ReplyDelete
  50. It's an emotional time of the month for me, but this post totally made me tear up. I'm so glad she feels closer to him while swinging - doesn't swinging in childhood have a magical quality?

    ReplyDelete
  51. Beautiful...I too love my daddy the most...

    ReplyDelete
  52. Oh *sigh* now I'm crying. What a beautiful post that captures the heart and innocence of childhood.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Okay, I'm getting all teary right now. This story is so sad and so sweet. . .poor Natalie. You're such a good mom for taking her where she needed to go to work things out and feel better. Even in the bitter cold.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Oh the mind of a child...they just say it, don't they. Thinking of you both.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Gosh, this is sweet and heartbreaking at the same time. I hope Natalie knows how lucky she is to have you and Tom as parents!

    ReplyDelete
  56. Aww....

    I hate that Tom is away to begin with - and that the news in Korea is ... so disconcerning these days.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Totally tearing up over here...

    It's so hard when your husband is gone, but those kiddie questions are just a knife to your heart!! I'm so proud of you for swinging!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  58. Oh Amber. I'm bawling like a baby, and I didn't read the 62 other comments because I knew they would make me cry more. Between a good childhood friend who's deployed with his wife (met her at the Academy) to Japan and your blog, I have a whole new appreciation for the military and the sacrifices their families make. Thank you for being strong, answering the hard questions, carrying suitcases and children by yourself, and just plain missing the love of your life so the rest of us pansy asses can be safe. You are my hero.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Oh man. Now I am crying.

    I don't know how you do it.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for the comment!

Share This

 
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...