I’m sure most people have seen this picture:
If not, let me explain. It was taken at the Super Bowl and that would be A-Rod (baseball player Alex Rodriguez) and Cameron Diaz. Feeding A-Rod popcorn.
Okay, look. I would never feed Tom. I would never expect him to feed me. He tried once in the beginning of our relationship. We were at a restaurant, having a good time, and then his fork started to come at me. With a fair amount of food on it.
See, Tom’s bite is different from mine. It’s bigger. So the pasta on the end of the fork was fairly large.
How big did he think my mouth was?
He hadn’t even seen my temper at that point so he didn’t really know.
Wait, did he WANT my mouth to be that big?
How do I tell him politely that my mouth is not that big? Maybe he was confusing me with Jenna Jameson.
The fork came closer....and closer...
“I can’t eat that!” I suddenly yelped. I meant to say it politely, to coyly shift my mouth away, flutter my eyelashes and say, “Oh, I couldn’t possibly....”
Instead, I shouted.
And startled Tom.
He brought the fork back to his plate and stared at me in confusion.
“It’s a sweet concept, feeding me,” I began but what I wanted to say was, Look, I haven’t had someone feed me since I was 1. “But that’s too much pasta for one bite.”
Oh God, what if he expected me to feed HIM?
“Okay,” Tom answered.
“I’m not feeding you, either,” I sputtered. “Some people might find it adorable to feed their boyfriend, but I am not one of those people.”
Tom smiled. “I wouldn’t expect you to feed me. I just wanted you to try some of my pasta since you said you liked Italian food so much.”
Aw. Well, that was sweet.
And to this day, he still lets me have a bite of his food.
But I get it myself.