Friday, June 24, 2011

Chocolate Colored Couch

“I really like this one,” Tom said, gesturing to the headboard. With glass in it. Meaning, it was like a mirror. In the headboard.

I burst out laughing.

Both the salesman and Tom stared at me as though I suddenly belted out Bette Midler tunes.

“You’re kidding, right?” I said, because neither man smiled.

“I wasn’t kidding,” Tom said slowly. “I like this.”



This is why going furniture shopping with someone else can be difficult. It’s especially difficult if that someone else has a penis. I wish Tom were like some of those husbands who hand over the credit card and say something like, “I know you’ll pick out something great.”

But no. Tom wanted to come and pick out our new bedroom furniture and couches. Which I totally understand but a headboard? With glass?

“Or there’s this one,” Tom said, walking ahead of me. He patted a leather headboard lovingly. He frowned in my direction. “What?”


“You look disgusted.”

Oops. I thought I had masked my disgust. It’s just, since Tom had been in Korea for nine months I really didn’t want to argue. We were still in the honeymoon phase of our reunion. I didn’t want an ugly headboard to ruin that.

“It’s….it’s….lovely,” I forced myself to say. “It’s just not for me.”

Where were the nice headboards made of wood the color of honey? I glanced around the room. Ahh, there they were.

My eyes drifted over to a beautiful one and I thought, “Yes, that’s it. I could totally picture that for my bed and…holy shit, 2000 dollars? For a headboard?” For the millionth time in my life I wished I were rich.
Tom followed my gaze. “Do you like it?” he asked, walking over. “I could deal with this.” He didn’t even check the price. The thing with Tom is, he’d buy me whatever I wanted. He’s just that guy. The problem is, I’m too practical. Oh, and I like to eat and we definitely wouldn’t be able to eat for like two weeks had we purchased the bed. Or paid for our cable and I’m sorry, I need to know what is going on with those crazy housewives in New Jersey.

“It’s too expensive,” I explained. “But that one isn’t bad.” I nodded my chin to a darker set with a happier price tag.

It was Tom’s turn to look disgusted.

“What? What’s wrong with it?” I wanted to know. It was a lovely dark shade with matching dressers and everything.

“It’s not my taste,” Tom admitted.

How could the lovely dark shade of wood NOT BE HIS TASTE?

“Are we almost done?” Tommy sighed beside us. He and Natalie had been trailing at our heels for an hour. At first Natalie thought it was a fun game to climb up on all the beds. But after the fifth one she was like, “Um, okay? Are we done yet?”

“We’re almost done,” I lied.

“You know,” the salesman spoke up and I jumped. I nearly forgot he was there. I shouldn’t have been surprised to see him though, he hadn’t left our side the second we walked through the door. He smelled a commission and was going to get it, damn it. Which meant he was suddenly our new best friend. “I have a discounted set near the front. A fabulous price.”

Tom and I shrugged. “Okay.” What did we have to lose? Clearly we weren’t getting anywhere.

So we followed the guy to the set and…

…really, it wasn’t bad. It was a cherry wood and the price was right.

So we took it.

Then we had to find a couch and that took forever.

Tom wanted to get a couch with drink holders in the middle of it. I didn’t like the look. Naturally, Tom loved it.

“Can you picture us sitting here with drinks?” Tom asked, plopping down. It was a recliner couch so he pulled the switch down so he could prop his feet up.

“I can picture one of the kids knocking the drink out of the holder and staining it, yes,” I replied.

Tom rolled his eyes. “They wouldn’t. It’s why it’s called a drink HOLDER.”

Clearly, he doesn’t fully comprehend the power of children.

“I don’t really want cup holders in the couch,” I admitted.

“But look. It also has a storage bin. You can put your books here.” Tom flipped it open.

“Ew. No. Not on a couch.” I couldn’t max my distaste any longer. If I didn’t speak up then we’d be going home with a couch that came with drink holders and storage.

“But…” Tom began to pet the arm of the couch.

“How about we keep looking?” I suggested.

“Geez!” Tommy yelled. “You said you were almost done!”

I wished he were an infant so I could stick a pacifier in his mouth to silence him. Not that pacifiers ever worked for my kids. They’d just spit them out and wail even louder.

We looked at many couches. They started to blur together. None stood out to me.

“We might have to look into leather,” Tom suggested after we circled the store for the third time. And yes, Jeeves was behind us. Jeeves is what I dubbed the salesman.

“We have many leather couches,” Jeeves spoke up. He probably wanted to smother us with a couch pillow since we were taking so long.

“I don’t like leather couches. You can never get comfortable on one and when it’s hot, it makes farting noises,” I said bluntly.

Jeeves winced as though he had never heard the word fart before.

“We’ll find something,” I assured Tom.

And we did. We eventually stumbled on a chocolate colored couch that was fluffy and comfortable to sit on.

“Oh, this is a fitting. A chocolate colored couch for a chocoholic,” Tom said, settling down on it. He wiggled his butt on the cushion. “I could deal with this. I mean, I like my drink cup holders but since you’re being mean to me, I’ll take this one.”

“Let me make sure it’s in stock,” Jeeves said hopefully. He was probably thinking, “They’re almost gone…just suck it up for a few more minutes, Jeeves, and they’ll be out of here.”

They did have it in stock.

We paid a substantial sum—I felt like we should own Jeeves for a day for what we paid—and then we had to go on our way and leave our lovely chocolate colored couch behind because we had to wait for them to deliver it.

I’ll get pictures posted. The other half of our household goods are finally coming today so when everything is set up, I’ll take photos.

I do love my chocolate colored couch.

And my wooden headboards—non-leather, thank God.


  1. I might love a couch more if it was chocolate *covered*. But you'd have to replace that one often.

  2. Loved this post...very comical and entertaining. Glad you have a husband that will A. buy you anything regardless of price and B. compromise!

  3. My husband is one of those ones to. The kind that WANTS to be involved. He actually had opinions for our wedding and went to Every. Single. Meeting!

    Glad you found furniture that you both agreed on, that is awesome :)

  4. It sounds like a long shopping trip but at least you got some results! And you both agreed.

    So far we've been ok buying furniture but usually get something very plain and neutral then I add colourful accessories when he's not looking!

    Have a lovely weekend,

  5. My husband likes to be involved in the furniture shopping too. And we DID wind up getting cup holders in our couch... it's the most UNCOMFORTABLE couch we've ever owned. Be glad you didn't get it! :o)

  6. Sounds like an epic shopping trip, glad you got what you wanted. I'd love a couch, but our Japanese apartment doesn't have space. :(

  7. I bought a chocolate colored couch because I thought it would be kid-proof and not show chocolate milk stains or marker, first thing my daughter spilled on it was a strawberry yogurt drink. sigh. (Thankfully it cleaned up well.)

  8. We have a chocolate colored couch, love seat and ottoman. It hides stains pretty well (well except the drool from my 10 month old if I don't catch them in time!). Yeah for new furniture!!!

  9. We've had to buy so much furniture lately that I know my way around all of the local stores! My hubby and I tend to agree pretty quickly on our purchases - I guess we have similar tastes although I won't admit to it!

  10. My husband bought his furniture before he even started dating me so i didn't get a say. Thankfully the leather couch isn't bad -- it is actually very comfortable, but then again it better be for the $5k he paid for it! ick I still scrunch when I think about it lol AND there aren't any farting noises -- thank goodness. i would never be able to sit on the couches without laughing hysterically!

    The chocolate couch sounds pretty! can't wait to see pictureS!

  11. I hate furniture shopping with men...I wish my hubby was that kind too to hand over the credit card....I feel your pain! Have a great weekend!

  12. i hate shopping with my husband too. he has terrible taste and takes FOREVER!

  13. I love to furniture shop! I usually tell the salesperson to get lost and that I'll find them if I need something. I HATE when they lurk around!
    Thankfully, Jerk Face and I have semi-similar tastes..
    Can't wait for pics!

  14. Ours is chocolate coloured too. I like all my furniture to match my staple foods.

  15. Oh goodness. My husband and I cannot agree on a couch AT ALL. He wants a big leather couch that reclines and yes, has cup holders. I want a comfy couch that DOES NOT look like we live in a bachelor pad. We already have these old black couches. I want some color! And no leather!

  16. Hey if you bought furniture together there's only one more REALLY BIG test.
    Thats just parking an RV together.

    Lucky you:)

  17. My husband likes to give his opinion too which makes furniture shopping fun. Luckily our kids were old enough to leave at home the last time because the time before that, we ended up with ugly uncomfortable piece of crap furniture just so we could get the heck out of the store before they tore the place down. Good times.

  18. You are a brave woman to shop for furniture with the hubby. We go to IKEA and I usually pick everything out online beforehand. He's just there to load up the car with the boxes. ;)

  19. This sounds like my husband and I. We spent hours upon hours in the furniture story when we first got married. Thankfully we were in the honeymoon stage and he gave in most of the time! ;) Glad you guys got stuff you could agree on!

  20. Our couches are chocolate colored too. If you do not have a white cat, you will be happy.

    I am anxious to see the pictures.

  21. After all this time, I'm happy for you and glad to know your in "base housing" that is roomy, with a garage and ready for some new furniture! All these times of sacrifice are worthwhile when you get to have days like this!

    Lana C.

  22. So ... you going to put the mirror on the ceiling since you didn't want it on the headboard? ;)

  23. We had a couch with a cushion that folded down and had drink holders and WE NEVER USED IT! So good choice there to not fall for it! Chocolate brown couch sounds nice! Leather headboard? Ew!

  24. I hope and pray that my husband Brian doesn't read this post. A couch with a place for books and a drink is right up his ally.

    Enjoy your new furniture!

  25. Wow! I can't believe how fast and smoothly things are going for you!!! I miss the Air Force way of doing things.....*sigh*...don't tell Thomas on me though, k??

  26. Mmm, a chocolate couch sounds lovely. I would probably lick it on a regular basis.
    My husband has no taste. Our home would be a sports bar if he were in charge. That's why he's NOT!

  27. I think having a chocolate colored couch would be dangerous for my diet... ;-)

  28. Furniture shopping is always a pain.

    In the wallet.

  29. Can't wait to see what you picked out.

  30. UGH! What is it with men and drink holders in the couch? That's what the table is for. I hated couch shopping with my husband...he wanted a drink holder couch, too, even though we needed a pull out couch for guests. Although maybe if we had gotten the drink holder couch, his parents wouldn't visit as often...

  31. I'm with you 100%. Don't know if you remember, but I've been there. I tried duct taping a beer coozy to a chair for him, but that didn't fly. Good luck on the compromise. A mirrored headboard, huh?

  32. Oh, btw: here's the proof: Note: we DO NOT have cup holders on our couch.

  33. haha this is hilarious! My fiance and I have recently started furniture shopping for our new house, and he sounds just like your husband! Cup holders in the couch didn't sit well with me either!

  34. I long for a new couch, but I'm currently blowing my wad on mew flooring.

  35. Ha ha! This reminds me of so many shopping trips with my husband.

    I'm glad you found some good stuff, though. And, I have to be honest, I'm glad you didn't get a couch with drink holders.

  36. You write a good blog, interesting and entertaining, about the stuff of life. I have recently moved to Oklahoma after forty-seven years in the same town and forty-four years in the same house, I moved from a 1600 sf place to 728 sf. It's large enough for two people but it's not home, yet.I know it will be, it just needs some memories.
    Good luck and happy times in Oklahoma.

  37. Mine had the same affinity for the be-mirrored, then the be-leathered headboards too. He got this amused twinkle in his eye right before pointing each one out, it should have served as my warning to not even engage....sigh.

  38. It's role reversal in our house - hubby is a far better shopper than me! Thanks for the laugh! :)

  39. When I got married my husband came with a couch with drink holders in the middle - I hated it and it finally gone. We still have the matching chair though.

    Sounds like you did wonderfully.

  40. Sorry he had to leave again. The leaving part and the drive back home are always the worst. The pilots I know at that base have a deployment schedule, so when they go, it's not for too long, but it's still no fun. I'm sure it's probably different for security forces, but hopefully he won't have to go too often. Here's hoping August comes fast :)


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