Friday, August 12, 2011

Fourth Grade

I walked Tommy to school on his first day of fourth grade.

Mainly so he’d know exactly where to go. In Wyoming, he took a bus. Here, since the school is so close, he has to walk.

I think he was a little embarrassed to be seen with his mother. But I wanted to be sure he wouldn’t get lost and have a meltdown.

As most readers are aware, Tommy has Aspergers and if he’s frustrated, he tends to burst into tears. It didn’t matter when he was younger. But Fourth Grade is different. At this age, boys seem to rarely cry and mock the ones who do.

We got to the school easily and I offered to walk Tommy home from school but he shook his head.

“I want to do it.”

I took him to his classroom and was about to give him a hug goodbye but he ducked away.

“Bye,” he said pointedly. His code for “in school, don’t touch me.”

I won’t lie, I worry about him. School doesn’t come as naturally or as easily to Tommy as it does to other kids. He struggles with writing. He doesn’t always comprehend basic instructions. If the teacher talks too fast he gets lost.

As I said before, this is a brand new school. The one in Wyoming knew Tommy. He was there from Kindergarten until Third Grade. Teachers knew his quirks. His Kindergarten teacher would pass him in the hall and wink because she remembered all his meltdowns and was proud because he improved so much.

It’s a clean slate here.

Still.

You’ll never meet a more determined kid. Tommy wants to succeed. He wants to fit in.

“If I get confused,” he told me on the walk to school. “I’ll raise my hand. I won’t cry. Not anymore.”

I wish I could tell him that it’s okay if he cries. I feel like such an awful mother telling him to try his hardest not to cry. But I know how kids are.

Honestly, most of Tommy’s friends are girls because the boys take one look at his awkward walk, his stilted speech and immediately think, “Reject.” Girls seem to think of him like a wounded bird and happily will take him under their wing. I feel for Tommy because he sees boys walking together, laughing and joking, but he knows that he couldn’t keep up with the jokes, that if the laughing turned to his expense it might take him a few extra seconds to process it.

“If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to call me. You can go down the office and tell them you need to—” I said as we walked.

“I’ll be okay. I’m going to do this,” Tommy vowed.

“If anyone is mean to you, tell a teacher. I don’t want—”

“I’ll be okay.”

I know there will be struggles throughout the year.

But I’ll take what Tommy told me to heart.

He’ll be okay.




Fourth Grade will be okay.

48 comments:

  1. He's an awesome kid :) I know you're a proud Mom. Best of luck to both of you this year.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Before he started school were you able to tell the school about his Aspergers?

    ReplyDelete
  3. It WILL be OK. If not I'll come down there and bust a few chops. Mkay?!?

    Seriously, it's so hard going to a new school and starting over for any kid. Add to it all the angst with Asperger's and I'm right there with you. Good luck and I'm sending good vibes your way!

    ReplyDelete
  4. your little man has more determination than I do! Good for him!!! I wish him a great school year...lots of good thoughts being sent your way!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh he's a cutie! He'll be fine. I loved your post.

    ReplyDelete
  6. He will be ok! I feel for you, we are going through a similiar transition. My oldest is starting first grade in a new school and last year he did a lot of crying during meltdowns. He got teased, a lot. It got to the point at school drop off last year that his two year old sister would tell him to "have a great day and try not to cry". It breaks my heart. So I will be thinking of you and Tommy!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Being a parent is AWFUL sometimes...
    I think he will be ok too, and if he's not he has you- but I know that doesnt make you feel any better.
    I worry about mine too. He's self concious because he's small- but both his parents are small...and with this being the south most of his calssmates (including the girls) outweigh him by 20+ pounds.
    He cries when he gets frustrated too...or really mad. He gets that from me.
    He's also hyper sensitive, physically. Things that you and I just blow off as "ouch, shit, that hurt" reduce him to tears. He cant hardly stand it to have his hair brushed, because his scalp is so sensitive...because of this he prefers mental activities to physical...and he's genius level smart. He has a hard time in school and is always getting shit about his handwriting too. It is barely legible, and it doesnt matter how frustrated he gets, its not going to make it better.

    I just tell him that pretty soon with all our technology he wont even have to write by hand...
    and what a great thinker he is, for 10...
    and how lucky me, and the world, are to have him.

    Fist bump to Tommy:)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lots of prayers and good thoughts coming Tommy's way from the Winesap camp!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hugs, Momma! You're doing a great job. He is recognizing where he struggles and that is a great accomplisment, I am sure.

    Sending prayers!

    ReplyDelete
  10. oh yes..
    it WILL be okay..
    i can only imagine how hard it is.. so i'll be thinking of you guys and sending out great good vibes!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Praying he has a GREAT first day!!! :o)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Your such a good mama ! He is growing up and trying to spread his wings. I know how hard this is for you, I am the same way with my kiddos ! He will be just fine. Blessings

    ReplyDelete
  13. Aw! What a sweet sweet kid you have! Love that smile :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Tommy rocks. I hope he has a great school year.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I love that picture! His determination is awesome! He'll succeed because he wants to. Not to say there won't be bumps, but if he can stick with that attitude he can't go wrong!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I hope Tommy rocks fourth grade and he finds some kind kids....there has to be some nice boys for him to play with. Good luck today Amber he has good spirit!

    ReplyDelete
  17. You have done a wonderful job! He knows he'll be ok. And he will be. Who knows, maybe this will be the year he gets a best friend!

    Wouldn't that be an accomplishment for him!

    Way to go Tommy!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I love that picture of Tommy!
    I hope he does AWESOME this year!!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. He's adorable. If he says he'll be OK, it means he's been thinking about it and he's determined. That a very good thing.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Your son is so adorable. You know, kids will never know the pain the parents go through until they grow up and have kids of their own. It does hurt so much when your kids hurt. I remember when my kids were young and someone hurt them either physically or verbally and I wanted to just hurt them back. He will be fine.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Tommy will be okay, he is going in with such a great mindset and has a such a wonderful mom!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'll be rooting for him!

    Gee they start school so early there!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Fourth grade will be OK.

    By the way. I laughed out loud and I mean LOUD at the thought of you going to the meet and greet with your daughter in handcuffs. Good one!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hope his first day went well. I want to share a story I'm certain you'll appreciate. My daughter has a friend who is now in college. He has always adored my daughter. He goes to a school in Denver that specializes in students with aspergers. We went to visit him in June. We picked him and took him for dinner. His mom (who I know) had told him to buy us gelato for dessert. We were with him almost 2 hours. We spoke about gelato the entire evening. I asked many questions about school, live in Denver etc and each time he'd answer and then we'd talk about gelato again. It took me a week to stop smiling and talking about our great visit with him. Yea....I'm sure 4th grade will work out ok for him.

    ReplyDelete
  25. He is such a brave boy. How did the first day go? I have to have a talk w/my aspie about not announcing to everyone that he has Asperger's. I don't want him to be ashamed, but I don't think announcing that he is different is necessarily a good thing.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Amber, Tommy is so lucky to have you for a mom! He WILL be okay, because you have taught him well. Hope today was the first of many great days for him!

    ReplyDelete
  27. It must be so hard to make yourself pull away and stand back when you have to... things like that are ALWAYS hard, but Tommy is a special kid, and I can only imagine how much stronger the protective instinct is. He'll be fine. From what I've read on your blog of him over the last couple of years, if he's anything, he's determined. And when he gets a goal in front of him - he wins. I know he'll rock the fourth grade!
    AND he's friggin' ADORABLE!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Seems to me like you've prepared him well. If he says he's ok, this is your cue to pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself on a job well done. Deal with whatever happens when it does....sorry, I hate sounding all preachy, but he seemed so very sure of himself...

    ReplyDelete
  29. Look at that smile...you've got a great kid there. I hope school goes well for him.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I'm making an assumption that he has an IEP - if he does, make sure that you meet with the teacher AND principal (although I'm sure you've already done so) and talk everything over with them. Tell them exactly what has worked for him in the past for him to be successful (it should all be on his IEP but don't assume that they have seen OR that they have received it - sometimes schools don't communicate with each other as quickly as they should!) ... Anyway, you've done an amazing job with him and he has a self-awareness that a lot of kids (Aspergers or not) don't really have - that will make a HUGE difference!

    ReplyDelete
  31. You're a good momma. It seems like you've really prepared him take on this year. He might have too many girl friends this year--he is quite handsome. :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. fourth grade. Wow! This is gonna be a huge year.

    ReplyDelete
  33. He is so cute! I can't believe he's going into fourth grade! Hoping he has a great teacher, makes some good friends, and enjoys this school year.

    ReplyDelete
  34. AWH! I don't know why but I'm crying. I think it's because my son started kindergarten on Monday and had a very hard week. I know he'll be okay but I don't know that HE knows it will be okay. :/

    ReplyDelete
  35. Oh I hope it is a wonderful year for him- that would be so hard

    ReplyDelete
  36. Oh what a little sweetie pie, bless his heart. I'm sure he'll do great this year, he's obviously one little determined boy and I can't wait to hear about how he does throughout the school year. I'm sure it's torture for you, but doing it on his own will be the best thing he could ever do for himself. Hang in there mom!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Oh what a little sweetie pie, bless his heart. I'm sure he'll do great this year, he's obviously one little determined boy and I can't wait to hear about how he does throughout the school year. I'm sure it's torture for you, but doing it on his own will be the best thing he could ever do for himself. Hang in there mom!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Sending prayers that he will not just be okay but do GREAT! And that your mama heart will be comforted!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Yes, he does have an IEP. We meet every year to go over it and make sure his needs are still being met.

    Thank you all for your wonderful comments.

    ReplyDelete
  40. That's an incredible kid. Tommy's a rock star. I hope his week went well. His attitude is inspiring regardless.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I can relate...I just moved my grown Aspie son into his own apartment. He's lived with roomies before but prefers to be alone. He's been here with us for the past couple of years. Things are difficult for him still, just as when he was growing up, but you just remain supportive and loving and ready to lend a helping hand. Alot! : )
    I know how you must feel sending him off to a strange environment. The anxiety you feel can't be described.
    But when I look at Tommy's sweet happy face, I see his spirit shining and know that his mom must have one just like him. Best of luck to Tommy...hope it's a good year. Mean kids suck!

    ReplyDelete
  42. I can't even imagine how you felt through all that! But it sounds like you've got a strong little guy! Good luck to you and Tommy. You are one heck of a mom.

    ReplyDelete
  43. I can't even imagine how you felt through all that! But it sounds like you've got a strong little guy! Good luck to you and Tommy. You are one heck of a mom.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Tommy is going to do great... he's such a sweet kid - and he has a mom who is totally in his corner. I think any time a new school is involved there are little anxieties.

    Love his happy looking back to school pic. :)

    ReplyDelete
  45. Sounds like a strong boy you have!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for the comment!

Share This

 
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...