It bothered me.
I couldn’t seem to get totally comfortable.
“How can people wear these all the time?” I grumbled.
I was talking about a thong, people.
Why did I have a thong on?
Because I was going on a date with my husband. I finally found a babysitter through sittercity.com and I wanted to look nice. It’s not every day we get to go out without the kids.
Thongs suck though.
Still, I was able to focus on Tom. We decided on an authentic German restaurant. People walked around in Lederhosen. LEDERHOSEN! I loved it.
I even had wine. I’m not a wine person but I do enjoy German sweet wines.
I ended up getting this:
It was veal strips. Amazing. And I was able to enjoy it as soon as it arrived at the table. I didn’t have to worry about cutting up the children’s food. Or getting them ketchup. Or napkins. Or taking them to the bathroom. (Natalie thinks it’s funny to announce she has to pee right when our food arrives.)
I even concentrated on eating neatly. I have a bad habit of getting some sort of food item on my lap every time I eat. This time I cut my veal neatly, popped a tiny piece in my mouth and chewed in what I hoped was a demure manner.
We had the waitress take a picture of us:
I look silly because of the thong. I was like, “This thong is awful…oh, the camera is pointed at me.”
We even ordered dessert even though we were stuffed. But they were fried apples. Who can turn down fried apples?
Tom even fed me a bite—only his bite is like five times the size of mine so I nearly choked on it.
That wouldn’t have been attractive if he had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on our date.
And then the people in Lederhosen would have to help.
And what if my dress accidentally flipped up and everyone saw my uncomfortable thong?
Oh, the horror.
It was a fantastic night though.
I doubt I’ll ever wear a thong again.
People will just have to deal with my panty lines.