Monday, October 24, 2011

Back From The 16 Hour Road Trip

I’m back from my 16 hour road trip.

We got in last night.

I’m still half asleep so I’ll recap how it went.

Number of times I thought my butt was going to fall asleep from sitting so long: 6

Number of times I ate junk food so I probably gained all the weight I’ve lost in the gym back: Errr...lost count...nothing is as good as a milkshake on a long car drive..hello expanding half asleep from sitting so long butt.

Number of times the kids fought: none. Shocking. It was because Tom was with me. Had I done the drive on my own, they’d have turned into mini ninjas and toys and food would have been flying back and forth and someone probably would have been tossed out the window. (Possibly me. I could see the kids revolting, throwing me out the window, and driving off with the car.)

Number of times I thought we’d get stranded on the side of the road and die from the hands of an insane murderer: once. We were close to running out of gas at 10 at night and the next station was 28 miles away. The light on Tom’s truck had come on and I was like, “Holy crap, we’ll have to pull over, Tom will go find gas and leave us here, a deranged man will pull up beside us, take us, kill us, and toss our remains in the woods." Luckily this didn’t happen and we could gas right in time. So phew. No deranged killer.

Number of times I watched GI Joe Therapy On YouTube: Many. I turned the volume up so Tom could hear. We cracked up. Seriously. Look up GI Joe Therapy on YouTube. The Army Ranger guy is the funniest. He rants about grown men who wear crocs. I'm a little concerned when a grown man wears crocs, too.

Number of times I cursed at other cars: er…lost count. But some people need to learn to drive. Pulling right in front of people with NO SIGNAL is rude. And dangerous. But mostly rude. And yes, that was my middle finger waving at you.

Number of times I drove: none. I was just sympathetic to the other assholes on the road that Tom had to deal with. I don’t drive because A) I don’t like driving the truck—it’s too big and B) I go the speed limit and Tom thinks this is too slow. He goes between 5-10 over and if I drive he’d be like, “Oh my GOD, it is okay to go a little above 70.” And then I’d have said, “I am making a good example for the kids and following the rules,” and TOM would have said, “YOU’LL MAKE THE 16 HOUR TRIP 18 HOURS IF YOU KEEP DRIVING LIKE THIS!” Then I’d cry, he’d sulk because I was crying, and one of the kids would probably throw up just because. So yeah. It’s better he just drives.

Number of times we were hugged by Tom’s family members who were shocked that we drove out for one day: lost count. It was nice to see everyone. Some people had never seen Natalie in person before. She wasn’t shy at all. She just climbed on available laps and showed off her toys. (“This is my Rapunzel doll. She has long hair. She wears a purple dress. I wish it were blue. She has a friend named Pascal. I bet he smells. Rapunzel loves Flynn Ryder but his real name is Eugene Fitzherbert. I like that name better. My brother’s middle name is Eugene.”

Number of times we said that we’d never make the 16 hour drive again: none. It was worth it. We'll do it again sometime.


  1. Wow! Good for you! I don't know how you managed to pull of an insane drive like that without even one fight among siblings, but I NEED to know your secret! Glad you are all back safe and sound :D

  2. I've had that my kids are going to revolt feeling before. I wouldn't put it past them. It sounds like everything went well, all things considering.

  3. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to satisfy my snark-tooth with this weekend's ASD Parent blogs. They're all sunshine!


  4. So glad everything went well on this trip! And hugs from all the family members at the end is SO worth the drive. :)

  5. Ha ha. Good one. You had me believing until you said no fighting among siblings :-P Just kidding - congrats on a successful road trip, you brave, brave woman.

  6. so glad ya'll made it to gas on time.. and safely home!!

  7. Oh man. Well, I'm glad it was worth it - but I'm sorry for the reason you had to go.

    But didn't you know? Calories don't count on road trips. Scout's honor.

  8. Glad you're back! And glad you didn't run out of gas - that would be terrifying.

  9. What a nice thing for you guys to do ....I know it was long but the hugs of thanks is awesome!

  10. Isn't that the best drive ever! We drive to Pennsylvania 2-3 times a year from Oklahoma and that drive sucks! I'm glad you survived!

  11. Maybe now that Tom is back and the kids are a little older, they'll be easier to travel with? (On the other hand, I wouldn't take my husband on a 16-hour road trip because he can't sit still that long.) And P.S., I stopped flashing the finger when there began to be shootings because of road rage. Just sayin.'

  12. Glad you found your long drive to be so worth it. :)

  13. I would have had to add in "number of times we wanted to strangle one another before the end of the road trip". I do all the driving, and my husband is the nervous Nelly...every time I drive different than what the GPS says, he freaks...even though it's the same route I travel every single time we drive from NY to MA and back. And if we get lost...forget about it!

    Glad you all made it in once piece and there was no deranged killer that came across your path. That would have sucked.

  14. See? it was a bonding experience for you all. now, what is this about going the speed limit? Trying to take longer to get there or what!?

  15. Plenty of sympathy and empathy for you for being stuck in a car for 16hrs. I MORE than understand what that's like - we live 18hrs away from the nearest city so it's so the sort of trip we have to do several times a year for major shopping.

    As to sticking to the speed limit... I'm afraid I'm with Tom on that one. We usually sit around 10kph over when we're within 50kms of town but when we're on the 600km stretch between our town and the next (with nothing in between), we're typically doing about 25-35kph over just to GET there faster.

  16. Glad it went so well, but sorry for the sad occasion.


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