Friday, November 4, 2011

Top Ten Don'ts On What NOT To Do In The Theater

Tom and I took the kids to see Puss in Boots. It was a good movie, though not as entertaining as Shrek. While in the theater, it got me thinking about things NOT to do while seeing a movie.

Oh, and PS, I really wish Natalie would stop saying, “I got to see the pussy movie!” It’s Puss in BOOTS, dear. PUSS in BOOTS.

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10. Don’t keep getting up. If you have a weak bladder, please sit on the ends of the aisle.


9. Don’t throw popcorn. I’m mainly talking to teens here and some immature adults. (Hi, Andy Dick.)


8. Don’t gush over the new Twilight movie if the preview comes on. Especially if you’re over 30. It’s frightening and scares people like me.


7. Don't get popcorn without butter. Okay, okay. I get that there are health conscious people out there. Or folks who don’t like butter on popcorn (!) But to me, popcorn without butter is like eating Styrofoam. I ask for extra butter and even then it doesn’t always feel like enough.


6. Don’t let your child ask continuous questions. You might think they are cute but other moviegoers will not. Tell the child to hush until after the movie. Same with if your kid is crying or whining. A couple of minutes is fine. Over ten is rude, even if it’s a children’s movie. The good kids would like to watch it in peace, thank you.


5. Don’t eat my nachos. I’m talking to you, Natalie. I spent 4.50 for you to have your own kids meal complete with your own popcorn and fruit snacks. The nachos are mine.


4. Don’t mess with your cell phone during the movie. The lighted screen in the dark room is distracting. I’m like a moth; my eyes will go directly to it. If you’re expecting a call, going to the movies might not be the best idea.


3. Don’t sit in front of people if there are plenty of empty seats in the room. Especially if you have A) big hair B) think we’re in England and are sporting a large hat, and C) have a baby.


2. Do not bring your five and under kid to rated R movies. You would not BELIEVE how many children I see in inappropriate movies. I remember my best friend Jennifer and I going to see a creepy M Night Shamalala movie and some family walks in with a kid who looked no older than three. I don’t care if said child likes any movies. Please don’t traumatize them. I KNOW having kids makes it harder to see movies. Trust me, I usually get to see about 5 a year and that’s if I’m lucky. But it’s a sacrifice you’ll have to make. Bring a tiny kid into a slasher movie and don’t be surprised if you get the judgmental looks.


1. Don’t talk during a movie. When Tom and I went to see The Hangover, there was this annoying woman who had to comment on every little thing. Yes, we KNOW Bradley Cooper is attractive, yes, that really IS a tiger in the bathroom, and yes, that IS THE Mike Tyson. Shut your trap. This isn’t church.

41 comments:

  1. LOL. All very true now if only people would follow them. We went and saw Drive a few weeks ago which is a bit over the top and there were a few young children in the theater. Broke my heart that the parents brought them.

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  2. I'm with Natalie. Her version sounds a lot better.

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  3. #3 is one of the reasons we drive 30-40min to a theatre w/ Stadium seats. our local theatre doesn't have stadium seats and it never fails, the theatre will almost be empty and some dummy will sit directy in front of me. I have, on more than one occasion, told the person: "seriously? there's 50 empty seats and you choose to obstruct MY view? how rude!"

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  4. And lets add...no making out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, take it to the back of your car like any decent young hormonal person would do.

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  5. Wait. . . the title is confusing me. . . Don't not do these things? Or don't do them?

    I kid.

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  6. 7. Don't get popcorn without butter.

    The theaters here have the little butter dispenser stationed across from the counter. You take your tub o' corn to it and depress the button. "butter" streams into it.

    I feel self conscious when the stream is uninterrupted for what seems like too-long a time. But I add just a little more after that time has passed to guarantee butter-saturated goodness.

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  7. I haven't been to see a movie in an actual movie theaters since my oldest was born, 8 years ago. For precisely all the little kid reasons. I don't want to annoy anyone. We have gone to the drive-in a number of times since, but that's a pain, too.

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  8. Feel free to tell those annoying people to shut up, turn off the cell phone,and sit somewhere else. The rest of us will applaud you. (oh, tell Natalie to quiet down too)

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  9. I don't think I've been to a movie since 2003 but I do agree with everything. Seriously, popcorn with out the butter?!? That's like eating cake without the icing.

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  10. I HATE when people talk throughout the show, send text messages or are looking at their phones and the bright light shines. RUDE, RUDE, RUDE!!

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  11. At my movie theater, we are able to put our own butter on. No one wants to be in line behind me for this as I've been known to take quite a while. There's a science to the way I do it.

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  12. I agree with all of these but numbers 1 and 3 drive me especially crazy! What is even worse is when there are plenty of seats and a big, tall adult sits in front of my kid. WTH?

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  13. We need some sort of movement to make ALL of these legally binding laws. Should a theater goer break one we could simply shut down the movie, make a citizens arrest, and then bow to the crowd. And please, popcorn without butter is akin to eating cardboard. Who does that?!?!

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  14. Hee. The pussy movie. My kids both are obsessed with Canadian wild animals, specifically BEAVERS and COUGARS. The jokes are endless.

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  15. Isn't sad that people don't seem to get these very basic concepts??? Drives me nuts. I think if the movie theaters posted some of these, we might actually start going to theaters again. Oh and you forgot, all movies should be $5.

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  16. Great list! These are some of the reasons why I don’t go to the movies, other people stink at movie etiquette. I mean really people we are not at home on your couch please keep your shoes on, the kissing to a minimum and try to act like you weren’t dropped on your head repeatedly as a child!
    People with kids that can't keep them quite, or like to take them to scary movies to scare the crap out of them (really why? your the one who has to stay up with them all night now) need to just hit up the RedBox! I also find that most movies these days are a bust and I just sit there thinking about how I will never get that $10.50 back or my time.

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  17. LOVE this! It should be printed and put on the ticket window of all theaters.
    The last line is my favorite. Heh.

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  18. It may be a good thing that I haven't been able to go to a movie in years, because I've probably been guilty of several of this DON'Ts. Great list by the way.

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  19. Pussy movie...lol...my husband would be all over that.
    Great list. I can't do popcorn without butter either, and I NEVER order nachos when my stepdaughter comes with me to the movies, she is a nacho hog :-)

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  20. Is it okay to floss in the theater since I'll be eating popcorn?

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  21. Number 5 is my favorite! I feel the same way - it's Mommy's! Back off!

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  22. Love all of these. #3 drives me crazy. Seriously there are 100 other seats and you sit directly in front of me.

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  23. Oh how I agree with all of them, #4 is particularly one of my biggest pet peeves! So annoying!

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  24. I think these need to be posted and signed before people go and see a movie.

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  25. oh my goodness this is gold!!! number 8 cracked me up~ so true, I hate twilight!

    number 2.. I cant believe people bring children to r rated films.. thats a form of child abuse!!

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  26. lmao!! soo true... we have people that talk to the movie here "Run B**** you bout to get killed" seriously its annoying!

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  27. Yes, on the talking! Yes, yes on the kids at inappropriate movies...if you want your kids to watch that do it in the privacy of your home. That way we can all enjoy the movie. ;)

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  28. Yeah... I always try to hit the movies during as dead a time as possible to circumvent most of these problems. Nachos, however, will ALWAYS be stolen by preschoolers.

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  29. Very funny, but true, list. What's a movie again?

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  30. LMBO. Right on the money with the list. How about adding "Fall asleep but refrain from snoring". My husband does that in boring movies then I'd have to elbow him really hard. Love the post.

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  31. YES......NO Shit! I wish people would go by these rules.

    We just went to Puss in Boots too! The popcorn is what did me in though.

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  32. Great list lol and we are in the same puss in boots dilemma what will we do?

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  33. Great tips! I especially love that your little girl is calling it the "pussy movie". lol Kids...
    Thanks so much for stopping by on my SITS Day last week. I'm following you now via GFC and Twitter (I'm @TweetingMama). Hope you're having a great weekend! :)

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  34. I hate talkers and phone users.
    Recently, I had a young {ish} guy sitting next to me, and the whole movie he was texting someone. Until I told him that I didn't pay to watch someone else use their phone the whole time. It made me feel like i was about 45, but still.

    Another not so recent issue was when I went to see Titanic. Completely crowded cinema, so much so that people were sitting the in aisles, by the by.
    Just as Jack was let go off, a lady yelled, YELLED out "No, not Leo!". Yelled.
    Ruined. For ever.

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  35. There really should be an official rule list for sitting in the movie theater. I vote this as the official one! ;)

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  36. Don't Eat Me Nachos should be more than just a movie rule. I'll buy you a giant teddy bear or a life-size T-Rex for our backyard, just stay the flip away from MY nachos! (Phew, I've needed to get that off my chest for a while. Thanks.)

    And Natalie calling it the pussy movie just makes me giggle! :-)

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  37. This made me LOL... I remember going to see one of those uber-raunchy comedies once and watched this old lady and her grandson walk in. Five minutes into the movie she dragged him out, loudly saying "I can't believe they make such filth!" Like she hadn't seen the trailers. Then there was the time that The Hubby and I sat down, and a group of people sat right in front of us. We moved over a few seats. Then so did they. I wanted to scream.

    But luckily our local theaters have gone into strict-mode, where any reports of cell phone use will get you kicked out immediately. Yay!

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