Friday, January 27, 2012

I Don't Kill ALL Plants...

There was a knock on the door and I thought, “Hooray, my Gymboree package!”

Tom was like, “Gymboree? The kids have enough clothes.”

I said, “Not a spring and summer wardrobe. What you see in their closets is for the winter.” Which, okay, was sort of a lie. But Gymboree had Gymbuck redemption and I had Gymbucks and I wasn’t about to let them go to waste. That’s like a clothing sin or something.


I opened the front door expecting to see the UPS man in his poo-colored uniform. (Seriously. They should change the UPS color to something more attractive. Like blue.)

Instead I found my neighbor standing there.

“I need a big favor,” she began and at first I thought, “Great. She wants me to watch her kid.”

I don’t mind watching people’s children. It’s just…well, actually I do mind. I’m not a fan of doing it when they are little. If they are past the age of 7, they can generally entertain themselves. Below that and they wreck havoc on my home.

“I’m going to visit my sister and I need someone to take care of my plant,” my neighbor continued. “You would just have to water it once a day. Can I drop it off Thursday?”

This is the point where I should have been like, “Lady, I kill plants. I swear they shrink away from me when they see me approaching.”

Instead I went, “Sure!”

Because I like to please people. (Which is usually why I wind up agreeing to watch kids under the age of 7.)

After she left, Tom kept tossing me a Look.

“What?” I asked. “I can take care of a plant.”

Tom, who knows all about my black thumb, looked wary.

“I can take care of a PLANT,” I insisted.

“Well,” Tom began, wondering how to approach this without getting yelled at. “You killed the Chia pet.”

Okay, that wasn’t my fault. I assumed all I had to do was slather on the seeds, water it, and it would sprout out magically like on television.

Who knew that it needed to be watered daily?

“That was an accident,” I explained.

“And,” Tom continued. “There was the plant in the singing holder that died. Even though it would start to sing when it needed water.”


I MIGHT have turned off the planter when it kept startling me with the music. I SHOULD have just watered the thing but one of the kids would act up and distract me. Thus, a deceased plant.

“I’ll remember,” I vowed.

“Basically all the plants in our yard died,” Tom prattled on.

“They were sick to begin with!”

“Please don’t kill this woman’s plant. If she really loves the thing and it dies, it’s going to be awkward,” Tom said.

“It’s not going to die! I’ll plug a reminder in my phone to water it. Okay? It’ll be okay!”

Or…people who follow me on Facebook or Twitter, give me a daily “water the plant!” comment.

I can do this.

No problem.


Please don't die!


  1. Dude. Good luck. Maybe if you obsess over it enough, you'll remember?

  2. Such a pretty plant. You can do this!

  3. Why do people buy plants that require water everyday? If it's not a spider plant or a cactus I don't want the thing! Who needs the added responsibility of remembering to water it! That's just stupid! (And what husbands are for! Right?)

    What if you invest in one of those Aqua Globes for your plant-sitter responsibilities? You know what I mean right? The little globe thing you stick in the soil so it waters it for you. The actually do work.

    Good luck! I'm rooting for you too!

  4. good luck!!! think of this way though, if it does die, you don't have to worry about her EVER asking you for a favor again. ;)

  5. Oh that is so funny. I am right there with you. I have one plant sits in the window in front of our kitchen sink and I still forget to water it. It is right there by the sink that I look at, stand at, a million times a day and right near the water and still forget. It has died before but it apparently has several lives because it always comes back. Good luck, sounds like you might need it. LOL. Happy Friday!

  6. Ha, ha, ha. Here's hoping to the plant's survival.


  7. For a few years, I tried to grow some veggies. I would bring the plant to the register and introduce it to the clerk as "my newest victim"....Yeah, I'm not so great with the foliage, either. Good luck!

  8. Surely she won't be gone TOO long, right? You can do anything for a week! Or...however long she's gone!

    I believe in you :-)

  9. That's a peace lily I believe. You can get away with watering that every few days. And even if you forget and it droops to the floor, water brings them back in a few hours.

    My mom has had a few that start to look pretty sad when she forgets to water them, but for each one, they went death by cat, not lack of water. They're listed as poisonous to cats as well, so you'll want to watch Max.

  10. That is a pretty plant. Usually my plants are wilting as a sign I need to water them. I am getting better though.

  11. Maybe, since it's not actually yours, it'll be stronger? Rooting for you!

  12. LOL! Did you water the plant today???

  13. LOL, I'm no good with plants either. I suck, actually. But I'm really good at tagging people for memes, so I tagged YOU! Hehe, sorry. It's a good one, an IEP meme...

  14. You can totally do anything for a week!

  15. I think this will be the plant that restores your faith in caring for plants!

    And if not, just know you're not alone. There are too many ways for me to mess up - too much water, too little water, not enough sunlight, scorched in the sun. Oof.

  16. You got this. I have really only had one plant that survived past a couple of weeks. Probably because my husband remembers to water it. ha.

  17. I have my doubts. :) Don't water it too much. What kind is it?

  18. Oh my Lord... you are a brave, brave woman. I would already be at Lowe's buying a replacement plant for my OTHER neighbor to take care of ;)

  19. I babysat a poodle once ....It got loose one day, and got ran over..........Aaaaawkward!

  20. Is that a peace lily?! If she's watering it every day then I'm surprised it's still alive. It will probably enjoy living with you and drying out for a few days.

  21. LMBO. "Please don't die". I too have a black thumb. That's why I have fake plants and one real one that I don't even know the name but it tolerates being neglected. Parched! A good laugh while reading this.

  22. good luck!! It would die at my house. I think it's in the carbon monoxide and radon that my kids breathe out. We should probably brush their teeth more often so that they breathe the normal carbon dioxide.

  23. Hehehe, I love it! Shortly after my boyfriend and I started dating he put me in charge of taking care of his plants while he was on a business trip. I warned him I have a BLACK THUMB--the plants were dead when he got home! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

  24. You'll do fine! Have you got any of those watering "bubble" thingies? You fill them up with water and stick them in the plant so it waters itself!

  25. Someone probably already said this, but that is a Peace Lily and it doesn't need to be watered everyday. I don't know why this woman is doing so, but if it starts to wilt just give it some water and it will perk right back up.

  26. Oh no...I'm cursed with the same calamity. People refuse to believe me and gift me with plants saying, "This one's hardy". They might as well put that on the plant's gravestone, because it will die. But I digress, this is not encouraging.

    You can do it! *fingers crossed with a cheesy smile*
    Catherine Denton

  27. Wow. Best of luck with that. I have a black thumb, too, and I am a people pleaser too, so I can totally see myself here. I'm crossing my fingers for you!

  28. You can do it!!!! It looks like a nice happy window for the plant. Good luck!

  29. I haven't had a plan in soooo long. I definitely am not good with outside plants though. I need to get better on this. I am hoping to do a little yard makeover this Spring. Good Luck :)

  30. This is really hilarious! First of all, in all my years of life, I've NEVER been asked to babysit a PLANT. Secondly? YOU!!!? The good news is that plants usually take longer than a week to die. So even if you DID kill it, it most likely wouldn't actually go belly up until it was home again! ;)


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