Monday, February 27, 2012

Let's Hear It For Non-Perfect!

This was posted in Redbook:



If your eyesight stinks and you can’t see it, it basically asks why women feel the need to be perfect all the time.

The thing is, I don’t care to be perfect. At all. Perfection to me=a dull person.

I don’t feel guilty when I take my kids to McDonalds. I never understand when I see on Facebook or Twitter from another parent, “Taking the kids to McDonalds. I know. Shame on me.”

Um. Who cares if you take the kids to McDonalds? Don’t feel GUILTY. The Big Macs are awesome. You kid isn’t going to keel over if he eats a fry, I promise. If you have a person in your life who gives you snide remarks about that sort of thing, please, drop them. They aren’t worth having around.

I buy store bought cupcakes to take into my kid’s school. I don’t fret about making them fancy at all. I walk into Wal-Mart, pluck down 20 bucks and walk out with neatly decorated treats that I didn’t have to stress over. It doesn’t bother me if I see another mother walking in with the aforementioned fancy cupcakes complete with fondant and edible glitter. If she wants to spend her time like that, good on her.

I don’t care if people don’t agree with my parenting opinions. When my kids would cry as babies, I’d wait a few minutes before rushing in to get them. I think that because I did this, my kids can entertain themselves in the morning. I hear horror stories about parents saying that their kids wake them up at 6. My kids entertain themselves until 9.

My son was circumcised. Yes, I hear the news on how it’s wrong and shame on me, but do I care? Nope. I know I made the right choice. I got my daughter’s ears pierced when she was 1. Without her permission. Some people say that she’ll resent me for putting holes in her ears when she’s older. I say if she’s going to resent me for something like that then she will have to be prepared for when I laugh and probably blog about it.

I breastfed my kids but I would have turned to formula if I had to. There’s nothing wrong with formula. You’ll get the mothers who try and make other mothers feel guilty about not breastfeeding but I know that those mothers have nothing better to do with their time and most likely have a stick permanently wedged up their butt. They were the kids that tormented others in elementary school and have decided to continue to do so as an adult. It’s a shame, really.

I rarely craft with my kids because glue generally gets stuck on my fingertips and I start to cry. But I do other things like take them to the park or have impromptu pillow fights.

I don’t always walk out of the house with makeup. It’s not that I don’t have pride in my appearance, it’s because my daughter has hidden my lip gloss and foundation again. Or that I think, “Why do I need to get dressed up for the grocery store? I’m not in Beverly Hills for God’s sake.” (And that’s another thing: I wish those Beverly Hills mothers would walk out more often with no makeup. Set a trend.)

I’m always baffled when I see women walking around in heels wherever they go. Don’t their feet hurt? I bet some of those women would prefer to run errands in comfortable shoes but that they worry if they go out in Nikes that people will talk behind cupped hands. “Did you see Suzy today? In TENNIS shoes? Ew. Who does she think she is, Forrest Gump?”

So no. I don’t care that I’m not perfect. I never strived to be. When I see my kids laughing when I belt them with Nerf darts, when the doctor tells me how healthy they are, I know I’ve done my job. When my husband thanks me for making him Rice Krispy treats or for washing his favorite shirt, I know he doesn’t care that I’m not caked with makeup.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go put in an order for store bought cupcakes. My son’s birthday is Friday and he’s requested Angry Birds ones.

(Yup. I allow him to play video games too. Sometimes more than two hours a day.)

Let’s hear it for all the non-perfect women out there.

42 comments:

  1. Amen! You had me laughing out loud. I enjoyed this!

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  2. Preach it, sister! I'm with you! :D

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  3. Agreed! There's nothing wrong with striving to be the best person you can be, but when you have women trying to be perfect who think their way is the ONLY way... then we have problems!

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  4. I ALWAYS like your blog. Today I think I LOVE you a little bit! Fave blog post EVER!

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  5. I think there are many more of the imperfect moms but are too shamed by others to admit it! loved, loved, loved this. And Big Macs are super delicious.

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  6. Love it!

    I often will actually attempt to seek reach new heights (or is it depths?) of slackerhood.
    I'm not so worried about perfection, but I feel it's good to have some goals :)

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  7. You are SO right about the high heels! I cannot fathom it. I cannot understand HOW women wear high heels all the time. Don't they care that when you walk on grass or sand or soft ground, the back heel just sinks in?

    I once asked a co-worker why she wore heels all the time. She said she just loved it so much. O-kay. And now she cannot because she ruined her knees in a car accident a few months ago. I wonder how she feels NOW. I should ask her.

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  8. I completely agree! Thank you for this! :)

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  9. Thank you! I attend playgroups, and sometimes I feel like I am the worst mother out there.

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  10. So, are you going to start wearing your pajamas to Walmart now?

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  11. Amen to that sister! If I had a best blog post of the year award I would hand it over to you right this second!

    I take my boys to McDonald's pretty often. I'll be honest: They would take McDonald's food & playing on the toys over any home made lunch I make them, any day. So what?

    I am not a baker, I can make simple things.. But when it comes to taking food to school most of the time we aren't even allowed bring in homemade foods!

    I let my son cry sometimes, especially when its over him not getting his way. I'll thank myself when he is older ;).

    I can't say much on the heels though, they are my shoe of choice.. I have worn them so much that they are comfortable to me and I love the way they make my legs look. I wear them on days I'm not feeling so "hot" and they give me a little boost of confidence. BUT I do also wear my Pumas around town, as well as my Romeos or cowboy boots.

    & Anyway, my point is.. YOU ROCK!

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  12. Love this post! You're so right! As long as our kids and spouses are happy, who needs heels?

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  13. I LOVE THIS POST. Awesome. I totally agree.

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  14. AMEN! I may not have kids yet but I have no plans to try and be perfect when I do. Life's to short for that kind of pressure.

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  15. I think we'd be great friends, you and me. Amen to everything you said!

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  16. I love your honesty and I totally agree. There are things that are important to me and those things I put effort into. Other things I don't care and I don't care who tries to shame me.

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  17. I totally agree with you. Being a mom is going to be hard enough without a bunch of standards and expectations.

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  18. I'm with you on this one! I do like to go overboard though on birthday treats. But we will be going to either McDonald's or Mighty Taco for dinnere thi sweekend because I'll habe no time to cook. I'm totally OK with it.

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  19. I'm with you. Yay for all the imperfect mamas out there.

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  20. Aren't you supposed to send in store bought cupcakes to schools? They won't take home-made anymore right. Well, even if that's not true, I will ignore that fact and happily send in the store-bought cupcakes.

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  21. Well said! I am by no means perfect and I don't even bother to try to be. I'm great the way I am...imperfections and all!

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  22. Amen! I don't want perfection at all either. It's way more fun to not feel like we need to measure up to some ridiculous standards.

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  23. Judgmental moms irritate the life out of me. Luckily, I've not run across too many of them in my life time.....except for that one when my son was in middle school.

    I like to think it irritated her that I didn't care what she thought! ;-)

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  24. Agreed. My SIL recently berated me for not planning on making my daughters first birthday cake. Apparently it is a shame that I am outsourcing it to my other SIL who makes and decorates cakes for a hobby. FFS!

    We're trying to sell our house currently, and I am exhausted from keeping everything spotless with a very busy 9 month old. How people do this every day I have no idea!

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  25. I've never been perfect, and my friends seem to be OK with it. Meh, high heels at the supermarket and make up all the time would just make me tired and cranky.

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  26. I will shout it from the rooftops: I like a cheeseburger and my boy does, too! I'm signing on as No. 1,871...this post made me laugh out loud. Thank you! And thanks for stopping by "this little light"!

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  27. If you could see me, you would see me clapping! As a mother of 3 I can totally relate. Thanks for making me feel better about my days!!

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  28. Amen! I was the mom who was 'criticized ' anthey kids turned out great. They entertained themselves and did their own homework and are now self sufficient adults. Also about those shoes....I do yoga with a bunch of older ladies with ugly feet....from those awful high heels. Long live sneakers and clogs! (I will now get off my soapbox! ) I love your blog. Only one I read regularly.

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  29. Holla! Sometimes I walk out of the house without brushing my hair! Then I'm in the car and am all "oh shit! I didn't brush my hair this morning." I wonder why my oldest always forgets to brush HER hair! ;)

    And I hate doing crafts too. I gleefully let my sitters do that.

    Yes, I hire sitters. A lot.

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  30. Nicely stated! For all the non-perfects out there! P.s. wal-mart rocks the cake/cupcake biz!

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  31. Nicely stated! For all the non-perfects out there! P.s. wal-mart rocks the cake/cupcake biz!

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  32. At last.. a normal mother who is not precious or needy! Logic and common sense will win the race..

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  33. As the President of the NonPerfect Club this post made me weep.

    Amen.

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  34. Thank you all for your kind comments.

    I'm glad I'm not alone!

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  35. Amen! I don't know we as women have to bring each other down. Aren't we all in the same boat?

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  36. Round of applause to you for not conforming to all of those crap rules.

    They suck, and so do all of the people from archaic times who still think women should be perfect and chained to the kitchen bench.

    We all know what they can do!

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  37. LOVED this post of yours!! God, what is it about this feeling that we have to be perfect ALL the time. It's ridiculous...and do we really want our daughters to feel that they need to be as well?! My kids watch too much tv (because it's the only way I can get a shower and know they aren't strangling one another while I do), I let them eat m&m's, they've stayed up later than they should have, I swear in front of them from time to time...but I know that they know I love them without a doubt. I let them make a mess, and be themselves, even if it means it makes my life harder. Life is not all rainbows in my house, but it is full of love. I breastfed both of my kids, but as my sister in law is gearing up to give birth to her first child I have told her over and over to do what feels right for HER. Breastfeeding is demanding, and hard and oh so tiring. I chose to do it, but not every mother should when it isn't a good fit for them. It could cause a mother to be stressed out and not the mother their baby deserves, whereas giving formula might be the answer for them. There is so much pressure these days to breastfeed, I think we should be supporting each other rather than bashing each other for our parenting choices. My 2 year old still nurses 4 times a day and bed shares with me...and I don't care how many people think I'm a freak, I know I'm not, I know that it's what feels right to me and my husband, to let our son decide when he wants to wean. And, if a mother chose to formula feed from day one, so be it...it's HER choice! LOVED this post, just had to say it again!!! :)

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  38. I want to be one of those perfect moms but for the life of me can't seem to do so. I just don't know how they do it! LOL. When I have a busy day and can't get dinner ready, I tell the kids to grab whatever is edible in the kitchen. I"m with you on the "high heels" bafflement. How do they walk around in those things, with hair all prim and proper and perfect make up? I get tired just thinking about it.

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  39. Amber, I think this is my all time favorite post of yours and I want to frame it.

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  40. ps: every "perfect" mom that I know (and unfortunately I know a few) is on Prozac or some similar mood altering drug. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but in my opinion, the need to be perfect goes hand and hand with depression and anxiety.

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