Thursday, March 1, 2012

Things That Annoy Me Thursday: No Bathroom Privacy

“And I can’t believe my birthday is in two days. Two! I’ll be ten. Soon I’ll be a teenager. What’s a teenager like?” Tommy asked.

I wouldn’t have any issues talking with him.

But the thing was, I was on the toilet.

Pooping.

Tommy knew this yet he still decided to carry on the conversation when I shut the bathroom door and said I had to go.

I suppose it’s a step up. After all, when he was younger he used to follow me IN the bathroom and just stare at me as I went. Do you know how uncomfortable that is? He was my first kid so I kept thinking, “Is he allowed to see my crotch? Is it child abuse if he does? WHAT ARE THE RULES?” (Mind you, I was 19 when I had him so I didn’t know a lot..)

Why do kids want to follow their parents in the bathroom though? I wouldn’t want to follow anyone into the bathroom. I’d gag. When I have to go into a public restroom and someone emits a loud fart, I want run right back out. And okay, I also want to laugh.

Anyway, the good news is I finally got Natalie to stop following me in. But like Tommy, she still sits at the door. She’ll be silent and then as soon as I go to the bathroom she’s at my heels, thinking it’s a grand field trip. It’s like she has an alarm that goes off in her head. She can be entertaining herself and the second I get up to use the bathroom, she’s there.

Basically, I only get PIPs (poops in peace) when they are at school. Or sleeping. And naturally, I rarely have to GO at that time.

“Er, Tommy?” I called out. “I’m kind of busy here. Give me five minutes and—”

“Then I can drive a car! Can I have Daddy’s truck and he can get a new one?” Tommy continued.

“Can I just POOP IN PEACE!?” I screeched. Well. Not really. I wanted to.

“Daddy will probably still be driving his truck unless one of us strike it rich. Truck payments make me want to cry,” I said. I gave up trying to make Tommy wait. This is my life. I talk while making a number two.

“I can’t wait until I’m ten!” Tommy prattled on.

I washed my hands. I can be finished with a number two pretty quickly. I’ve never understood why men want to sit and take their time. Doesn’t it stink? Why is sitting on a toilet enjoyable? Maybe if they had a kid follow THEM in, they wouldn’t like it as much..

In a few years I might finally get my PIPs. And who knows, maybe in a weird way I’ll miss talking while I’m on the throne.

Probably not though.

28 comments:

  1. OMG I have the same problem with my son. Yet he expects me to leave when he goes poop. Does not give me the same courtesy half the time. However I can tell now that he's a bit older he really does try.

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  2. This cracked me up! Thanks!

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  3. My child is 17 and I still have to lock the bathroom door or she'll just walk right in and start talking. But if you do that to her??? Oh, it's like a scream fest! :o)

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  4. this cracked me up because I so get it! I'm in and out in minutes because I have two chicklets following me and watching/talking. The hubs? it takes like half an hour. what does he do in there?!!?!

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  5. this cracked me up because I so get it! I'm in and out in minutes because I have two chicklets following me and watching/talking. The hubs? it takes like half an hour. what does he do in there?!!?!

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  6. I'm right there with ya sister! I have three boys! My youngest (almost two) follows me in and it never fails that the second I sit down he grabs his toilet seat and wants me off the toilet so he can go. The older two stand outside the door and insist they tell me a story that just CAN'T wait!

    It's frustrating that my other half can sit on the toilet for half an hour in complete peace.. When I sit down for a few minutes and can't get one second of quiet time!

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  7. LOL I think its like a remnant of separation anxiety that makes them follow you into the bathroom or talk to you in the bathroom. They want to know you're available to them 24/7 under ANY circumstances. I think it is a trust building exercise (now I am really giggling) but I suppose that is just how life goes.

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  8. OH! AND? I still see women do that here at work. They talk to eachother stall to stall and I don't GET it. Is it like yakyak *plop* yak yak? or is it like Yak Yak *plop* (awkward silence)? I'm deaf so I really do not know how it goes!

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  9. I feel your pain. Baby girl insists on following me into the bathroom. Then she is trying to shut the lid on me, playing with her bath toys, trying to unroll the toilet paper...it goes on and on. If I do manage to sneak in without her, she is there banging on the door. Gee..Our kids love us that much. ;)

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  10. My ex used to get so mad if we interrputed HIS time in the bathroom. Like that was the only time he had alone. HA. try doing it with the kid following you every where.

    Mom's don't get a moments peace, unless they are in school or asleep. Then they are angels!

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  11. Haha! This made my morning. So true!

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  12. Come on, just agree to giving him the truck. Unfortunately he'll remember and when he gets his license it will be 'where are the keys?'

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  13. The same thing happens in my house. My husband can sit uninterrupted for a half hour on the toilet playing around with his iPad. I try to go, and I get about 20 seconds before the dogs and daughter figure out where I am.

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  14. This is one of my biggest complaints as a Mom. My husband does his business is private, always. I usually have at least one or two of my kids with me for all or part of my time. Ridiculous.

    The only thing worse is being in a public bathroom stall with them and having to explain why I don't have a penis and why it looks like pee is just coming out of my bottom.

    Oh good times.

    I had hopes at 10 this would all be over. You are crushing my dreams today. :)

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  15. My daughter is 3 and lets herself into the bathroom "just in case you get lonely mom". I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get lonely in the time it takes to go. If I happen to be in the bathroom when she needs to go, I hear "I have to poop. Leave" (And screeching doesnt help...I've tried!)

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  16. Definitely been there. My son is two and it doesn't matter who goes into the bathroom, he tries to follow. I have to tell people who come over to make sure they lock the door otherwise they will get some company.

    I think once you become a mom, you learn that you have to do things as quickly as possible, even going to the bathroom needs to be rushed.
    My husband and step kids make fun of me for how fast I pee. They makes all sorts of jokes. One day the girl will understand.

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  17. Time to invest in a lock? Cute though you boy has a lot to say..love it.

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  18. my daughter is 9 and still comes in with me. if i tell her i'd rather she leave, she starts laughing & says that my poo smell doesn't bother her and then carries on with whatever she wanted to say. or she stands just out of my reach and stares at me obnoxiously just to get under my skin while saying nothing. i get performance anxiety when she's in there with me, but at least she's too big to try to sit on my lap anymore when i go. she would giggle and whisper in my ear, "it's funny when i hug you while you poop."

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  19. HILARIOUS!!!!
    I so remember those days.
    I often said that I would kill to poop in peace.

    Then they all grew up and I could.
    And then the grandkids came.
    And it starts all over.

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  20. My godson is turning 10 on Sunday and I honestly have the same issues! Is it like an unwritten rule in the boycode that THEY MUST follow you into the bathroom? It's gross! I guess when I have a kid that'll be something to look forward too but I'm installing heavy duty doorlocks and an intercom system.

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  21. Cracks me up. I don't have kids, but the cats do a similar tactic with the paws under the door. If they're lucky and I don't get the door latched, they just amble on in.

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  22. I finally got my kids to stop following me in....but my husband still does! Somehow there's always something super, duper important to discuss when I need to go! It's official, men are weird!!

    Or is it just my man???? LOL!

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  23. omg. i can't imagine. thanks for sharing. If you get a sec, I'd love to hear your thoughts on my latest. xo

    www.fashboulevard.blogspot.com

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  24. Its Universal I think! All 3 of my kids will crowd around me and talk to me at the same time and my downstairs bath is small..I'm like "Can't I just go to the bathroom without an audience???!!!" I hear ya sista!

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  25. My son is 22 yrs old now and lives 2400 miles away from me. I raised him by myself and had many conversations thru the bathroom door and believe it or not I miss it very much, along with many other things that annoyed me while he was growing up. I would give 1 million dollars just to have one of those years back.

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  26. I've started closing the bathroom door and the door to the toilet closet. Seems to help. Sometimes.

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  27. lol...i followed AmyLK over...funny...the worst is perfect strangers in public restrooms that want to talk...i would say that is a down grace from the kids but....yikes

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  28. I am so inhibited in the bathroom that I flush to cover The Sounds of Poopage (Simon and Garfunkel, right?). But I'm not even the worst one in my family. If my husband can help it, he won't go on a public toilet. And he has to use his favorite perch here in the house too. I guess Sandy is right and this is something you'll miss when it stops, but... um... I bet there are other things to be sentimental over.

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