Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The Walking Advertisement

“Mommy! Mommy, can we get this?” Natalie lugged over the bottle. “It’s Snuggle. He keeps blankets fluffy.”

I shut my eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Calm down. It was okay. I could get through grocery shopping with a five-year-old.

“We don’t need that,” I explained.

“But it’s Snug-gle.” She stretched out the name and had a whine to her voice.

Man, I missed school. And Tom. I either would grocery shop when she was at school or would leave her with Tom. Now they were both gone.

“We don’t need Snuggle. Put him back.” Great. Now I was speaking as though the dang thing were alive.

Natalie reluctantly did—then perked up and grabbed another bottle. “Oxyclean! It leaves no residue!”

She was like a walking advertisement. And I swear, she doesn’t get to watch that much TV. I mean…okay, well, she DOES have a TV in her room. And she DOES wake up in the dead of night and will usually turn it on. But in my defense, she has a fantastic imagination. It’s not all television. Most of the time she's busy playing with her Barbies.

“We don’t need Oxyclean,” I told Natalie. I flipped through my coupons. “But we do need Tide.”

“Tide Pods!” Natalie said gleefully.

“Er…regular Tide.”

“Tide Pods are new! Just throw in any wash and they dissolve even in cold water,” Natalie recited.

Oh for—

“Mommy!” Natalie shrieked.

NOW what was she going to be a walking ad for?

“Can we get this? It’s green!” Natalie hugged a Gain bottle.

I’m surprised she didn’t know THAT commercial.

“No, we’re getting Tide.”

“Aw. But it’s not GREEN!”

I so wished for a babysitting service at the commissary. She was making my head ache. It was a good thing Tommy wasn’t with us. At ten, he’s allowed to stay home alone for up to two hours per base rules. I’ve left him a couple of times and all he does is play video games.

I know all the parenting magazines suggest giving kids their own list so they can shop with you. But that just seemed like a huge pain in the butt. Couldn’t she just walk calmly and quietly beside me? (Ha, wishful thinking.)

I distracted Natalie by giving her Zoo Pals plates (“oink oink zoo pals, zoo pals makes!” Natalie sang.)

Then it was a big production when it came time to pick out a cereal. You’d think I asked Natalie to do some important task. She stood in front of the row, tapped her chin, and was like, “What do I want?”

“Preferably something on sale,” I suggested. Why did they want nearly 4 bucks for a box of Froot Loops?

“I want…” Natalie began. “I want…”

Oh man, why couldn’t I be rich and have a nanny? Why? I wouldn’t use her ALL the time. Just for like a couple of hours a day. So I could shop in peace.

“Maybe Cheerios. But…maybe Cookie Crisp? Cocoa puffs comes with a BENDY STRAW!”

“We have bendy straws at home,” I cut in, mainly because Cocoa Puffs were also nearly 4 bucks a box. (Seriously!)

“I’ll take this,” Natalie said primly, handing me Fruity Pebbles. Not really on sale, but cheaper than the others. And it would mean I’d have to vacuum whenever she ate some because Fruity Pebbles wind up everywhere in the house. But no matter, because it meant we could LEAVE…well to the next aisle, at least.

Natalie is at least pretty good about staying by the cart. She’ll wave at other customers and go, “Hello people I don’t know.” I told her that she could just say HELLO and leave it at that.

“Who-Nu! Now delicious is nutritious too!” Natalie sang, holding up some cookies.

An elderly lady walked past and chuckled. “She knows her commercials.”

No, we didn’t buy the cookies because I heard if you eat too many, you, erm, poop a lot.

“ICE CREAM!” Natalie suddenly bellowed, because we were now in the frozen aisle.

“You can pick out Breyers. It’s on sale and I have a coupon,” I said.

Flashback to cereal aisle. Natalie stood there FOREVER. She finally went with Neapolitan because she liked how it had 3 flavors.

And then it was time to check out.

Why did it feel like I had just run a marathon by the time it was all over?

Not that I've ever RUN a marathon but I'm assuming if I ever do, I'd feel pretty much like that.


  1. Natalie sounds adorable. I laughed through the entire post!

    Maybe that's what those commercials are plotting all along--little girls parroting back their jingles in the grocery store and begging Mom to buy their products. It's an evil plan I tell you! ;)
    Catherine Denton

  2. It's annoyingly funny. :) I'm dreading having to make trips to the stores with kid(s) in tow.

    I'm also one who cherishes their alone time so I totally get your dread for school being out.

  3. Adorable! It brings back so many memories when my kids were young. Believe me, now that they are grown it is boring shopping without the constant commercial commentary. One of my favorite memories is when my son yelled at the checkout lady who was removing a 6 pack of beer from the cart. "That is my Dad's beer!" Too funny looking back, so embarrassing at the time.

  4. But... Snuggie IS alive!!! (LOL) he swims through the air, he bounces on stacks of towels and blankets, he makes your sheets smell fresh and soft (snicker) your girl is so cute. And I know!! Cereal has really gotten expensive. I once upon a time thought I could live on cereal alone. It was economical and I love cereal. But now its like $5.99 a box for some!! And it only lasts like three or four bowls.

  5. Sounds like me with my 4 year looking forward to alone time grocery shopping when she goes to school in the Fall...

  6. That is so funny! Those damn commercials have a way of lodging right in their grey matter. Mine has been telling me that I must buy Kaboom right away, to make our toilets really clean (we get hard water build up). I'm convinced, TV is evil!

  7. Right now, I'm able to laugh and say your daughter sounds like a blast! I'm sure in a couple of years I'll be nodding my head and sympathizing. Either way, she's adorable!

  8. When my son was little (eons ago) the one he repeated ever time it came on was-I don't even know the product-but the part where they say,"heaps and heaps of boiled potatoes!"

  9. Natalie absolutely cracks me up! That's too funny how she knows her commercials :D I think it would be fun to take her grocery shopping, once. Haha :D

  10. LOVE Natalie. Now mama, just tell yourself after each shopping trip YOU get a big bottle of wine. A whine for a wine. It's how I raised four Natalies.

  11. Tiring yes, but a great testimony to her sponge-like learning! ;) You've got a keeper. :)

  12. This post was just what I needed- a good laugh! Natalie is an advertisers dream. =)

  13. Simple fix for the Snuggle dryer sheets, buy one box of snuggle sheets, refill with off brand. My parents did this with off brand breakfast breakfast cereals for YEARS.

  14. I usually shop alone or with my boyfriend if he's not working. And to me, that's stressful enough. I can't imagine doing it with kids in tow! But at least you didn't have to go through what the woman I saw yesterday had to. A kid throwing a massive fit, screaming at the top of his lungs as he was being dragged behind the cart. I don't want a kid like that :)

  15. My 8-year-old step-daughter, apropos of nothing, started singing that Farmers Insurance Group jingle, "We are farmers! Bum buh-bum bum bum bum bum!"

    I was like, "Are you. . .in the market for insurance?"

    She just laughed and sang it louder.

  16. Yep! I've been THERE for sure.

  17. hahaha I see a glimpse of my future! natalie and my big one have a lot in common lol

  18. Remember those Sham-Wow commercials? My kids were obsessed with getting a Sham-Wow. Same with Slap-Chop.

  19. That sounds like a trip. Maybe you should try to put her on commericals seeing as how she just seems to retain everything about them.

  20. Ugh! Grocery shopping with children.

  21. Bella decided she hated the commissary when we moved to Italy. Don't ask me why. She just decided. And she whines, whines, whines the whole time!!!! "I hate the commissary. I want to go home!" The.Whole.Time.


  22. This is so funny! Probably because my 4 year old has started doing the same thing recently.

    Her favorites: Snuggle (gotta be something with the bear!)
    Resolve (she says we need this for our carpets), Zoo Pals (she always begs for them!).

    What's even worse, she has started in about our local restaurants that she sees commercials for!

  23. I hate grocery shopping with my kids. When we were back in PA, the grocery stores had free childcare. I think I miss than more than I miss anything else about being back there(don't tell my family they come second to kidfree shopping)

  24. This just made me laugh out loud! Whenever my preschooler says something incredibly intelligent, he inevitably follows it up by telling me he learned it on Little Einsteins or Fetch with Ruff Ruffman. Really? Are they teaching him nothing in school?
    Thanks for stopping by to make my SITS day so fun. xx

  25. Natalie sounds a lot like Davey. He is also a walking ad. Caitlin actually writes down the phone # for infomercials too.

  26. Very cute :) My six year old is the same way and now out for the summer and driving me crazy already!

  27. Too funny! Does your commissary have the kid carts? We have space ships & the firetrucks--the best things ever. Evie usually brings along a small toy and "drives" the cart so she stays distracted. I dread when Evie is too big to be in them because she'll probably be just like Natalie--she loves her commercials!


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