Friday, July 20, 2012

It's A Scary Place

“Don’t go far, Natalie. I don’t want you to get lost in here.” I cringed as I saw someone scratching their butt and then touching some tomatoes.

I quickly stepped back to avoid being hit with a cart that belonged to someone sporting My Little Pony pajama bottoms.

I tried not to stare openly at the woman in the corner who seemed to be hacking up a lung. She had on pajama bottoms with hearts all over them.

“Apparently it’s too difficult to put on a pair of pants,” I muttered. Look, I try not to be judgmental, but I will never understand it when people go out in pajamas. It takes like five seconds to pull on pants, does it not?

“Your little girl is beautiful,” a voice from behind the bread display said. The owner was an elderly man who was missing most of his teeth.

“Thank you,” I answered. He seemed sweet…until he licked his lips and then I immediately thought of the creepy old man in Family Guy who always wants to see Chris’s underpants.

It was like I was in another world. A world where no one felt like putting on real pants, a world where it seemed like a person was going to keel over, a world where…what the hell was that lady doing? Oh. Kicking off her flip flops so she could walk around barefoot? Why?

In case you haven’t figured it out, I was in WalMart.

I don’t go to WalMart often because quite honestly, the people scare me. I mean, there’s an entire site dedicated to the strange folk that frequent the store.

I prefer Target. But Target doesn’t always have what I need so I have to work up the courage and head to WalMart.

I managed to grab what I needed, pay for it, and hurried towards the exit with my purchases—only to nearly be run over by someone walking in.

“Uh, this is the exit. Says so in big white letters above the door,” I couldn’t help but say. I mean, really. People do that all the time at WalMart. If they aren’t walking in the exit, they are trying to exit from the entrance.

“Huh?” the lady who almost crashed into me answered. She was busy poking at her cell phone.

“Never mind,” I sighed and hurried to the car.

I imagine I’ll be back again soon. WalMart usually has good deals on school supplies.

I’m guessing now that I’ll see at least 3 people in pajama bottoms.

As well as people blocking the aisles with their carts so no one can pass.

But, to be fair, that seems to happen in every store that I go to.


  1. Uggg I feel you! Unfortunately the closest target to me is an hour away.

  2. So glad you survived your trip. I do not shop at WalMart. Pajama bottoms in public scare me.

  3. Wow, it makes me grateful that there are no Walmarts in Italy. I haven't had an experience like yours in the States. Then again, I make it a point to avoid that store if possible.

  4. Walmart scares me, plain and simple. It scares me.

  5. Walmart is not my favorite place, unfortunately it is the only big shopping center we have. I shudder every time I have to go in there.

  6. Are Wal Mart is normal LOL I never seen anything like that before

  7. Perhaps the pyjamas-wearers sleep in their pants? Or at least, if they did, it would restore my confidence in the human race's ability to sleep in different clothes than we go out in.

  8. I don't go to Walmart. Last time was a few years ago, when I couldn't find cookie sheets anywhere else. The aisles are so freaking narrow, you can't pass another cart with your own... and then they pile everything up to the ceiling so it feels like it could fall down on you. At least your people are wearing pants!! Could be worse!

  9. I could tell from the beginning that you were at walmart. There is something scary about that! I don't go there. Even for lower prices. Have you watched the documentary "The high cost of low price" (or something like that?)?

  10. I was thinking, before you said it, that this sounded like Walmart...any day of the week.

  11. Ha! Last time I was in Walmart, I saw a giant man wearing fuzzy pajama pants with a Papa Smurf motif.

  12. I don't care how much cheaper the stuff at Walmart is, I will not shop there. It freaks me the eff out!

  13. a trip to walmart almost always necessitates a liquor store run to calm my nerves. for real.

  14. HAHAHA!!! I'm in the exact same boat. Hate walmart! LOVE (a lil too much) target though!

  15. WalMart is pretty gross in Oklahoma. In Texas? It's like about as clean as eating food off the floor of a Greyhound Bus station. Gross, gross, gross.

  16. WalMart is pretty much gross everywhere. I find ours amusing. I go to some back country one, it's fun to see who's there. But hey, it's never crowded and I always get a great parking spot!

    I wish Target wasn't a good 30-40 min drive from us :(

  17. Hysterical! The PJ's used as day clothes, no I don't get it either. Now, if they made REAL clothes as comfortable as PJ's, I'd be out in those...but wait...those are called sweats. Never mind! :-)


  18. Grocery shopping once in Texas and a couple was shopping; one pushed grocery cart, the other pushed a cart FULL of kids.

    Our closest Walmart here in Charlotte nc is in a wealthy suburban area and is pretty normal; just way too big. Luckily there is a Target 5 minutes away. I spend lots of time there.

  19. I cannot for the life of me figure out how Walmart attracts all the weirdos. I hope it stays like that so they will stay away from Target. I would hate to think Target would end up like that. I would cry like a baby.
    funny post - and I can so relate to it all.


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