“So no one needs anything?” I called out. “Because I’m going to sit on the couch and read for a half hour. I don’t plan on getting up. Okay?”
No one said a word. Natalie was busy flipping through her Brave book and Tommy was busy on the iPod Touch.
“I’m serious,” I warned. “Once my butt hits this couch, I’m off limits for a half hour.”
I settled down. Sipped on my ice water and pretended it was a cocktail. Opened my Kindle Fire. Turned it on. Read ONE sentence and..
“Mommy? I can’t find my Merida dress.”
*Le sigh* Didn’t I JUST say…didn’t I JUST warn that I wasn’t going to leave the couch for a half hour? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. I still can't even have a PIP (poop in peace.)
“Look around. It’s somewhere,” I answered, refusing to look up from the screen. This was MY time, dammit.
Natalie poked half heartedly behind the couch cushions. “It’s no where. I’m beginning to panic.”
“Mommy is busy,” I said. “Look in your room.”
I refused to make eye contact with Natalie. If I made eye contact, it would mean that she wouldn’t leave me alone. I just had to focus on my book and—
“It’s not there. HELP me,” Natalie said dramatically.
“I am READING,” I replied.
“Mom?” Tommy called out. “Mom, there aren’t any snack foods.”
Oh, for the love of chocolate.
“I just went grocery shopping Monday. There ARE snack foods. Have a carrot. Now, if you excuse me, I’m reading—”
“I don’t want a carrot,” Tommy said, saying the word carrot like he was saying the word turd.
“I’m reading,” I tried again. “I’m off limits. Deal with your own issues.”
“But my dress!” Natalie wailed.
“There is nothing I like here,” Tommy huffed, peering into the cupboard.
I should have ignored them. But I’m easily distracted. Sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. There was no way I could get into a book with whining in the background.
So I snapped my Kindle Fire shut. Got up. Found the dress in the bathroom. Handed Tommy some Ritz crackers. Grabbed my Kindle Fire. Told Tom to watch the kids. Went upstairs to my room.
And locked the door.
Because it never fails.
Whenever the kids witness me sitting down?
Their brains suddenly ping with “Mommy is having quiet time. I MUST remedy this.”