Friday, October 5, 2012

The Case of The Pukes

So it went like this: Natalie said that her stomach hurt on Saturday. This was followed by her puking. I cannot deal with puke. This is why I trained her at a young age to puke in the toilet because Mommy does not like to clean vomit. If Mommy cleans vomit, Mommy also vomits.

She was sick for 24 hours.

Then at 3 AM on Tuesday I could hear someone getting sick in the toilet. I thought, "Oh Natalie, are you sick again?" and went out.

It was Tommy.

He was like, "Help me! I can't stop!"

He's dramatic like I am when I'm throwing up. I tend to cry when I have to do it, something that my husband Tom doesn't understand. He's like, "Just get it over with already!" and I'm like, "It's so awful! HELP me!"

Tommy was sick for 24 hours.

I was scared, guys. I felt like a character in that Final Destination movie. Only instead of Death coming for me, it was The Pukes. And I did not want The Pukes anywhere near me. So I turned into one of those clean freaks and wiped down everything. I washed my hands constantly. I ate an orange for Vitamin C. I willed off the sickness in my head. "You will NOT get sick," was my mantra that I said over and over.

And then...

Well, yesterday Tom and I went out for a lunch date at our favorite Mexican place. I love it there. I go to town on the complimentary tortillas and chips. Only when the waitress set everything down, my stomach did a very uncomfortable flop.

No. Please no.

I defiantly picked up a chip and stuck it in my mouth. You will NOT get me, The Pukes.

My stomach flopped again which was basically a mean reply. "Yes. We will."

"What's wrong?" Tom asked. He noticed me holding the chip with a disgusted expression across my face.

"I think," I said, setting my chip down. "That I'm getting what the kids had."

Tom made a face. He rarely gets sick. Lucky him.

I felt bad when my entree came and I could only take a bite. I took it to go. Then when I got home I really felt like I was going to get sick but I refused. What I do is find a comfortable position and I basically don't move until the sick feeling goes away. So I was on the couch rubbing my stomach over and over again going, "Don't get sick. I'll cry. Don't get sick, I'll cry." I almost did a few times but I would not let it.

"You know," Tom spoke up, after seeing me in the same position for over three hours. "If you just get sick, you'll feel better."

"NO!" I snapped. "I will not!"

"Go rest in bed at least. You're scaring the children."

Both kids were observing me in silence. I felt like a zoo animal.

"I can't move! If I move, I get sick," I reminded him.

I'm glad I have a supportive husband. He made dinner and took care of everything. I was eventually able to move after taking some Motrin. My stomach felt gross on and off during the night and today? Well, today it feels much better. I just have a headache, which I can deal with.

I'm hoping that I'm done with being sick because honestly, I don't have time for it.

Let's just hope Tom doesn't come down with anything. Then he'll be like, "THIS is how you do it," and will boldly go upchuck into the toilet like it's nothing.

Well, sorry.

No Pukes for me.

(Please tell me others are afraid of puking out there..)


  1. I am PETRIFIED of puking. I hate doing it, I hate dealing with it, I hate it all. And what's worse is that I know if one of my kids gets it, all FOUR will come down with it. And I'm not down with that ... like at ALL.

    Hope everybody's feeling better at your house!

  2. I'm not scared of puking but I HATE it. I will literally lay as still as possible and PRAY that I don't puke. And I hate when people say just puke and you'll feel better. GRRR!
    Hope you're done with the pukies.

  3. You silly girl. NOBODY likes to puke. I used to get all dramatic until I had morning sickness for 3 pregnancies. Now I puke only after too many different alcohols, so it's always my own fault...

  4. I was at Red Robin the other day, promptly finished my entree and all of a sudden had the urge.

    30 seconds later my entire entree was in the toilet and I had literally flushed my money down the toilet. *sigh*

    I'm with Tracey, no one likes to get sick... and if it makes you feel even better... I cleaned up puke last night. Because while I have trained them well, sometimes it doesn't all make it where it's supposed to. :(

  5. Not scared of puking, but I still don't like it. The only times I would be scared of puking is if at the same time it forced me to have diarrhea. Now that is the worst kind of puking. You're so sick, you can't help what your body is doing. I am scared of that!!!

  6. I, too, am scared of puking. I will do ANYTHING to keep myself from puking, even though I know sometimes it would help to make me feel better. It's like a phobia I just can't get over. You are not alone :)

  7. I am absolutely terrified of throwing up!!!! I'm a complete germaphobe just because I don't want to take the chance of puking!!!!

    My husband thinks it's ridiculous and he is waiting for the day he finally gets to see me throw up... I get the crying, yelling, heaving pukes too....

    And my lovely husband?? He's a puker...

  8. I hate puking, ugh.
    I know this woman who is so scared of being sick that she only eats certain things, so that if she does get sick, when she vomits it's not as bad (sorry if that was TMI). Seriously she has a proper phobia of getting sick. It's madness the way she lives her life around that phobia, lol

  9. I blame my phobia on my mom who was one of the "throw up, you'll feel better" types. I learned early not to even tell her when I was feeling sick because she would make me drink Alka-Seltzer water. That was my kryptonite. I gag just thinking about it.

    In other news, I cry when I drive the porcelin bus too. I feel sorry for myself and grossed out so I cry cause it's all I *can* do.

    I also close my eyes and don't open them until the toilet is fully flushed...I can't STAND to look at it. If I do, I might cry again. :)

  10. I used to do everything I could to not puke, but like Tommy, I have learned to just get it over with. I feel better faster. It still stinks and I still cry and feel dramatic, but it does go away faster.

  11. I am definately not a puker... I hate it. So I definately could relate. I came across this today because I was searching for a new blog to check out and I found yours. Being sick is definitely no fun, but you definately made it interesting to read about! :)

  12. Right - and I do not do puke husband knows I'll be reduced to tears and crying and up chucking myself:).

    I LOVE your blog! Thanks to Madwoman for passing it on!

  13. I literally couldn't stop saying I totally understand and feel your pain. I too hate puking. Give me anything else I can deal, but puking is so awful and I too cry when I puke. I really could completely relate to your whole post.

  14. Hi! Nice blog. A bunch of us bloggers have a Facebook group and we do a weekly flock. Basicallly, we find a blogger we like and we all come and comment and follow you. So congratulations, you've been flocked!! We loved your blog.

  15. Flocked indeed! Thanks to the others for sending me your way. Love the Blog and your awesome title. I HATE puke!.....ekkkk....ugh....groan! Gosh, I don't think I could even write about it....moan.

  16. (A late flocker) I had gastric bypass a couple of years ago, and one of the side affects just happens to be...yup...puking. Hate it, try to avoid it, but sometimes my tummy had a mind of it's own. Like when we're flying down the highway at 80 mph and it suddenly says, "Hey, you remember that 1/2 sandwich you ate 3 hours ago? Yeah, well...we decided we didn't like it and we're returning it. NOW."

  17. So I too am one of the flock! Loved your blog and hate the puking thing! Sharing your blog out in my world---

  18. Ew I hate puking and don't want my baby ever to puke!

  19. How funny... I just wrote a blog the other day about how I used to be terrified to puke! Now, even though I hate it, I'm not scared anymore. Although I have to admit that sometimes I will try to prevent myself from doing it. But, what got me over the fear was one day I got it all out and felt better. So I'm on both your side and your hubby's side because puking seriously makes the feeling go away. I used to cry too, but not now, not on purpose. Maybe tears flow from my gut losing control or something. Thankfully this has happened with my morning sickness, but I don't think puking would help make the feeling go away anyways because it's not like the flu where you're getting stuff out of your body because you can't puke out a baby, right? At least it's over with. Sick kids are the worst!! It's so sad to watch. My heart actually broke when you wrote what your son said, about helping him. Poor thing.

  20. I hate to throw up too (and luckily have only done so twice in the past 15 years!). I do the same thing...stay completely still and try not to move until the urge passes.

    I remember when I was a kid and feeling sick I would go lay on the bathroom floor near the window...I was in the sun and would lay my head on the side of the tub (which was nice and cool). That always made the urge pass...until one time I felt like puking and ran to get into the bathroom but it was in use! I promptly ran back to my room and threw up chunks of oranges all over my bed! Ewwww!

    I hate dealing with kids puke too, and they won't puke in the toilet. My brillant idea is to line a small garbage can with a plastice shopping bag. They throw up in there, I tie the bag shut, and throw it away. It works for us!

  21. Another late flocker to this blog - and what a find! So glad we stumbled across it :)

    As for the puke, between that and getting cramp in my leg I can't decide which is worse. I hate puking. It's not the act that I ate - that's easy. It's the hot and cold flushes. The stomach pain. The feeling shaky. The long wait until the body decides that it's ready to upchuck that does it.

    So glad you were able to beat it and show it who's boss.

  22. I'm not afraid of puking, but I HATE IT!! And like you, I'll suffer and suffer rather than just "getting it over with". Ugh. And when it starts, that rush of saliva and the metallic taste...and then..goner.

    I hope The Pukes will leave you alone now!!! Clorox wipes - I clean the whole house, top to bottom, weekly with 'em. More if someone is sick. Mr. Pukes is such a jerkface!!!

  23. I can't imagine anyone "liking" puking! I, too, cry when I puke. Don't know why. It must be an impulse. Such a release. I don't know. Glad you got over the bug without hurling.

  24. oh my gosh im so sorry for your whole family the tummy bug SUCKS and is so horrible and scarey. DS got in 2 months ago really bad and spent 48 hours without sleep helping him. Theres no cure for it, just to always wash your hands and keep things clean ACK.

  25. I am the same way! when I was younger, I once moved into Grandma's house when the family got the pukes because I didn't want to chance it.

    {visiting from SITS} Have a wonderful weekend!

  26. I'm exactly the same. My partner always says I should just do it and I will do anything not to, even if prolongs the agony. I also love Gilmore Girls, I'm writing a chicklit book (and just read yours - great!), I have thousands of books and can't get rid of them... We have lots in common!


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