So I saw Breaking Dawn Part 2. And if you’re expecting me to gush about it, you might as well leave. That’s not going to happen.
Okay, so I went with my friend Jennifer. We saw it in the balcony of the theater which meant we wouldn’t be surrounded by the teen fans that squeal and the creepy adult fans who also squeal. I’ll never understand the adult fans who call themselves twi-moms. I don’t care if Edward is really like a hundred or something. It’s still weird.
The best thing about seeing a movie in the balcony is the warmed seats. I always chill in movie theaters. The second best thing is the food. You can order from a menu and they bring it to you. We got the cheese fries. The third best thing is that you can watch the people filter into the theater below you. You feel like royalty. “Look at me in my awesome box and look at you in your regular seats surrounded by the teen fans…and the children and infants..”
Seriously. People brought children and infants to Breaking Dawn Part 2.
Children. And infants.
I’m not judging or anything.
Actually, I am. It’s not appropriate to bring children and infants to that type of movie.
So the movie started and it’s all…ooo, thanks for all the shots of the snow. Awesome. Then it shows Edward with his constipated look on his face staring at Bella. He still weirds me out. I mean, guys, he watched her sleep when she was human. This is not a healthy thing. That’s what serial killers do. But a lot of women are like, “How romantic!” How do you figure? How can people sleep when people are staring at them? What if you drool? That’s not sexy. What if you snore? Not sexy.
Then came the part that was really distracting. They used a CGI baby as Renesmee which I understand because getting an infant to place her hand lovingly on Bella’s cheek probably wouldn’t have gone well. Still. They could have used something better.
Bella and Edward have vampire sex, which made me giggle, because in the middle of it a burst of light appears around Bella’s face which I’m assuming meant she orgasmed? I know I was probably supposed to think, “How romantic!” but again I was like, “This is just all sorts of strange..”
The fight scene came later in the film, which was entertaining enough. I won’t spoil anything but the scene didn’t make me sad or anything. It could be because one of the infants that a parent decided to bring started to wail and it took them awhile to PARENT the child. If you have to bring Junior to the movies, immediately leave when it starts to make noises. If I can hear it from the balcony, imagine how loud it must be down there.
The movie ends with Bella and Edward sitting in a field of flowers and Bella is like, “Let me show you something,” and the look on Edward’s face made me whisper to Jennifer, “Did she just fart or something?” because he had his famous constipated look that oddly enough seem to make women swoon.
All and all it was an okay movie. Nothing I’d need to see again. Some people were gushing about it, saying it was the best thing they had ever seen which made me want to get them to watch proper movies such as The Sound of Music and Gone with the Wind. Stat. Those are good movies. One about werewolves and vampires? Not so much in my eyes. (And so many are calling it epic. Huh?)
After the movie Jennifer and I went to the bathroom where we found this sign:
I know it’s meant to be sweet and such but it made me laugh. (And yes, it is missing a word..) Who leaves affirmations in the bathroom where people pee and deficate? Was it because we had paid $18 a seat to be able to be in the balcony? Did balcony bathrooms get affirmations?
Anyway, at least the Twilight movies are over. I’m ready for Catching Fire to comeout. That’s a series I really enjoy.
Although the fact that Miley Cyrus’ fiance is in it is somewhat annoying, but I’ll push through that.
Go Katniss! And thank you for not looking constipated.