Thursday, April 11, 2013

Things That Annoy Me Thursday: Negative Comments When Kids Don't Win

“You got your butt kicked! What happened?”

“PICK UP THE PACE, ELIJAH. PICK UP THE PACE LIKE WE TALKED ABOUT!”

“Second to last? That was awful.”

“ELIJAH! WHAT DID WE DISCUSS? PICK. UP. THE. PACE!”

“What the hell? Did you just give up at the end?”

“ELIJAH! I KNOW YOU HEAR ME! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! DON’T SLOW DOWN!”


I seriously felt like I needed ear plugs.

You know how my son had his first track meet?

Well, I also got to experience ways that parents, erm, express themselves while watching their children compete.

Some of the things people were shouting were AWFUL. Why would people SAY rude things to kids just because they didn’t win? Did they forget that winning isn’t everything?

Geez.

“My son just gives up towards the end,” a mother was grumbling. “Gives up. Ridiculous.”

“You know, he’s TRYING. Sheesh, you and Abby Lee Miller would get along great,” I snapped.

No, I didn’t say that. I WANTED to. But I had to bite my tongue. If that’s the way they wanted to parent, fine. But I knew it had to be crushing their kids. Maybe some kids like it. Maybe it motivates them. But it would NOT motivate me. At all.

I could see other parents who thought like me cringe when they heard the mothers and fathers yelling awful things. One mother who kept shouting to ELIJAH seriously needed to be told to calm down. Get passionate, fine. But for the love of chocolate, stop disturbing the peace.

I will never say cruel things to my kids if they don’t play or do well in sports. It’s not right in my eyes.

So during the next track meet, I’ll continue to keep my mouth shut.

And then probably blog about what I’ve heard…

26 comments:

  1. I'm with you, encourage the kids while they are competing. But when they are finished they get praised for how well they did, even if they didn't do as well as I would have liked.

    Just participating and getting out of their comfort zone is worthy of praise!

    Put-Ups always, no put-downs.

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  2. You would have been my hero if you had really said that!! I think this must bring out the worst in some parents - maybe it's about their own broken dreams or something. I have no idea!

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  3. A lot of folks shouldn't be parents.

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  4. The kids can be just as bad. My daughter is in an acting class at our local park district. A girl in her class yesterday said to her, "Why can't you remember that one line? You need to apply yourself more, you can't skate by on your looks." My daughter is 6, has PTSD and gets nervous easily. The other girl is 10. I had no problem correcting her in front of her Mom. I figure that's who she learned it from.

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  5. Well at least they give you something to blog about :)

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  6. I've heard parents yell things like that before, too. I'm like you....does it motivate the kids? Does it mess with them emotionally? I don't know. Winning is definitely not everything, not by a long shot!

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  7. When my kids compete, I DO yell ... a lot! I get so excited! What I'm yelling, though, is encouragement. "Go! Go! Go! Now flip!" (My kids swim, btw.) If they don't hear me yelling then they they get disappointed, and when they are mostly underwater you have to yell loud and a lot.

    There are times, though, that I want to yell other things ... but that's at the other parents. I once saw a mom tell her daughter she was going to watch her brother's game "cause you're playing like crap anyways." Grrr...

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  8. There are times when I look back on my childhood and try to figure out why I have such a complex about competition. I refuse to compete. I don't need to compete. I don't want to compete. It's not necessarily what MY parents said that affected me.

    The parents who yell at their kids like you described... its THEM that gave me this complex. If they think 2nd place is so awful, what must everybody else think about me being in last place? Its simply because they're adults and I thought we were supposed to listen to all adults back then.

    Make sure Tommy doesn't listen to these parents!! They really should be banned from these events unless they keep their mouths shut. They can yell and whatever they want to parent them AT HOME!

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  9. The only thing my mom ever yelled during soccer games for my brother and me was "Kick the ball!!" If she missed a game, the other kids on the team would jokingly start yelling "kick the ball!" to make up for it!! :)

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  10. I think you're doing it the right way.

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  11. I do not understand folks at all. That is horrible to say to any kid (let alone their own).

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  12. That's just terrible :( And in front of everyone too? How embarrassing for the child!

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  13. Confession: I've been on the sidelines yelling at our son to hustle up...but in my defense, it's not like you're describing at all. It's more like "Hustle up, Turtle (his knick name since infancy because he did a thing with his lips and well, he looked like a turtle). You can do it! Come on, run!!!"

    I yelled these things because to be honest, he needs the motivation. He begged to play soccer with his best friend who is a year older so we agreed and let him play on an older team and without us yelling to encourage him to keep going (despite the fact that he was the smallest and slowest one there) he would have quit.

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  14. I grew up with stereotypical Asian "Tiger parents". I got a lot of tough love, and I probably didn't get much encouragement when needed or when I didn't do the best. When I got 2nd place, my parents made sure to tell me that 2nd was the first loser. It's how most Asian parents...well...parent their kids! But where my parents lacked in that area, they made up for in praise when I did well, and praise me they did! That made me want to be the best at everything I did. My parents knew that you can't always be the absolute best at everything, but they also did not celebrate mediocrity like I feel like people do nowadays. I don't want my daughter to get a "participation trophy", cause she doesn't deserve it. I think it's all about how well you know your kids and the type of "tough love" they need. Just my thoughts :-)

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  15. I agree with you wholeheartedly and am ashamed to say it but my exhusband did this to my son in pee-wee football. So much that my son refused to let anyone watch him play. He stopped playing that season :-(

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  16. I agree with you wholeheartedly and am ashamed to say it but my exhusband did this to my son in pee-wee football. So much that my son refused to let anyone watch him play. He stopped playing that season :-(

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  17. I agree with you wholeheartedly and am ashamed to say it but my exhusband did this to my son in pee-wee football. So much that my son refused to let anyone watch him play. He stopped playing that season :-(

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  18. I agree with you and have also sat near parents who have done that. They should be glad their children are participating in positive things instead of getting in some kind of trouble.

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  19. I couldn't agree more. Tommy now knows that it's OK to do things that you're not the best at. You do your best, and never give up on the things that matter to you. My uncle used to coach a kid's soccer team (in England though, so football ;P) and he said you wouldn't believe what people yell at their kids. Worse than the Premier League. Sheesh, I would not want to be Elijah's teacher, he's going to be one messed up kid.

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  20. Gosh dang...why do other parents have to be so crazy like that? I don't even think that they know how awful they sound.

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  21. I hear horrible things all the time on the baseball fields! Some of the coaches are the worst.

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  22. I love to cheer my kid on for sports... but I hate the parents you're talking about. It's only A GAME PEOPLE. Obviously they are doing their best. No one has the right to be NEGATIVE and BULLY your kid. I agree with you....

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  23. This drives me nuts too! I see it a ton during my brother's hockey games!

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  24. I agree with you Amber I don't like it when parents put so much pressure on their kids to be the best and that how it never seems ok to come last or 2nd place. I will never understand those types of parents.

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