If you watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey, you know Melissa Gorga wrote a book called Love Italian Style.
I'm embarrassed to admit that yes, I watch the show so yes, I know who Melissa Gorga is.
Last week there was a big uproar over the fact that in the book, her husband wrote that if your wife says no to sex to basically rip off her clothes and take her anyway. Apparently women like that.
If my husband tried to mess with me when I said no, he'd have a black eye and a pierced eardrum from me screaming at the top of my lungs.
Here are other things Melissa says in her book:
DO treat him like a king by greeting him at the door and making him a drink. Okay, for starters, if I greeted him at the door I'd startle him. He'd be like, "What? What happened?" My husband doesn't really like any special drinks. He does like HiC orange juice boxes. Maybe I could hand him one of those. That seems weird though. Especially since we have a small house. I'd hand him his juice and say, "Even though you could walk the five steps it takes to get to the fridge and get it yourself..."
DON'T Dine And Dial. Okay, I agree. We don't mess with our phones at the dinner table. But Tom isn't a big conversationalist when he's eating so it's basically silence and the sound of silverware scraping against the plates. Or Tom might say, "Sloppy Joes again?" and I'll say, "If you'd prefer something else, by all means, make it."
Don't Fake An Orgasm. Oops. But ladies, sometimes I have a show coming on TV.
Do Get Busy Often. Melissa claims she boinks her husband 3-5 times a week. Who has the time? Well, she does. She's rich. She can drop her kids off with the nanny. Us regular people don't have help, Melissa. When was the last time you cleaned the house? If you did, I doubt you'd have the energy.
Do Work Out Together. What's that?
Don't Wear Sweats Around The House. *Looks down* I'm in sweats now. We can't all afford fancy diamond encrusted yoga pants, Melissa.
It sounds like she can't be comfortable around her husband. I would hate to be on edge all the time, worried about my appearance. I know there are other people out there who have a marriage like this and that's okay for them but it's not something I'd ever go along with.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to lounge in my sweatpants. (And yes, when I Skype with my husband I'm in the same sweats generally with unkempt hair. No lip gloss either, Melissa.)