Friday, December 13, 2013

We Don't Do Real Christmas Trees

I love our tree.


It's fake by the way.

And it's fantastic.

Look, we can be a lazy family so we would not want to go out and have to chop one down. Someone would probably cry. Natalie, most likely. She'd be like, "It's cold out here. I can't feel my fingers. Someone looked at me funny." Then we'd have to haul the tree home. Something would go wrong. We'd probably shove it in the back of Tom's truck. Tom would be worried the needles would scrape his truck. He would not be happy on the drive home.

"I swear, if that tree messes up my truck, I'm not going to be happy," Tom would grumble the entire way home.

Then we'd have to carry the tree inside. I'd have to help Tom and I'd hold the tree wrong and Tom would shout and go, "No! Hold it up! Turn left! LEFT NOT RIGHT!" and I'd joke and go, "Pivot, pivot, pivot! You know, like Ross on Friends?" and he'd go, "It's not time to make jokes!" and I'd say in a snarky tone, "That wasn't a joke, it was a quote, thanks."

Then we wouldn't speak to each other for a couple of hours. This is also because we couldn't get the tree to stand properly in the stand we got for it. Needles would be falling all over the place. Natalie would shriek, "Is my tree DYING?" In the end we'd have managed to prop it up with a phone book.

Needles would continue to drop because that's just what real trees do. They would clog my vacuum. I'd curse. Natalie would continue to yell, "IS MY TREE DYING?"

So no. We aren't real tree people. We love our fake tree. It doesn't shed.


Oh, and it's pre-lit. If we had to put lights on a tree, there would be more cursing and shrieking. They'd get caught on a branch as Tom tried to wind them around. He'd be like, "Amber, stop checking Facebook and HELP ME!" and I'd probably make a comment like, "I had to pull out and set up all the Christmas stuff when you were in Korea. Alone. With NO help."

Some people are all, "But don't you want that pine scent?"

Yes. That's what candles and Scentsy are for, yes?

So are you a fake or real tree person?

26 comments:

  1. Real tree here. We used to have a fake tree but found it to be a pain. We'd fight because we couldn't match the color of the branches to the hole it was supposed to go in. Trying to store it the following year was a pain. A real tree is easier for us. We have a tree bag around the bottom of it. When it's time to take it down, take the decorations off, pull the bag up over it and out the window it goes.

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  2. I'm with you, Amber! I have two fake trees, and they're both awesome. We had a huge tree when we were in the States, and have a slightly shorter, and much narrower one for Europe. It's pre-lit, but this year I added some fancy white lights to it.

    The best way to get it done without stress is to do it by yourself!!! This year only Bella helped me, and it was the least stress EVER!

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  3. Real tree people here, but you read my post after we got it! 17 feet tall! Pine needles and sap everywhere! Nearly died in the process!
    I like fake trees too. I like them all.

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  4. I do not use real trees for the same reason...i find the fake tree makes enough of a mess when you take it out and have to ruffle the feathers per say, i still have to get the vacuum out but i dont like the falling needles and watering...fake is easier in my books!

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  5. I always had a real tree growing up, but my fiance is allergic to pine so we have to have a fake tree. I have to say, I was really bummed out the first year but I kind of like the fact that I don't have to water it or vacuum up the needles all the time or worry that the cats will try to climb it.

    Besides, our fake tree is quite pretty. :)

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  6. We have a fake tree, too. Prelit even. Also, I saw at home depot that they had these scented ornaments so you can fake people out that it smells like a real tree. I'm so doing that!

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  7. You made me really appreciate our fake tree!
    I don't have a strong opinion either way, and hubby already had a fake tree when we got married, so that settled that.

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  8. fake tree all the way. My husband and son have autism and they freak out about real trees. So I bought a candle :)

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  9. Real tree for us! We've never lived in the cold, so we've always just picked one up from behind Publix or something. No annoying freezing temps. We also shake it off really well and hose it down before it goes into the house to get rid of the majority of needles falling off. I'm pretty good about keeping the tree watered, so usually there isn't too much of a mess. I'm considering getting a fake tree this year though instead of spending $100 on one every year.

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  10. This post is wonderful for so many reasons. We are real tree people, but after arguing about whether the tree is straight, the lights and everything else we always swear we're going to go fake.

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  11. We always do real, we like having a different tree every year. At least this tree wasn't such an a hole like last years when putting the lights on. It's a fun tradition for us, we make a day for it with chili waiting at home :-).

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  12. Fake! Am I will confirm that your guess on what putting the lights on might sound like at your house, is EXACTLY the way it went down at our house this year!!

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  13. All of our trees are fake - like you said, way too much work to get a real tree!!!

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  14. Totally a fake tree person. I'm ok with it too.

    I work with a lady who put up an enormous real tree.... that's tipped over 6 times. Really? She tells the story and there is a lot of swearing going on. I'm surprised she put it up one more time.

    I almost didn't even put up my fake tree this year. I'm all about lazy.

    Glad you didn't murder a tree. Not sure Natalie could handle it.

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  15. Love this post! I've never had a real tree, so I'm a fake tree person. :) I'd like to try a real one someday, but I'm not sure having a tree in the house for a month is worth all that hassle.

    Michelle
    The Girly Gamer

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  16. We got a real tree this year. I've never had one before, the husband always had them growing up so he insisted. I keep looking in it for squirrels ala Christmas Vacation. :) I also keep forgetting we need to water it - this is why I kill plants, they don't talk. He remembers this stuff though. It was fun once, not sure it's an annual thing though.

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  17. I was always a fake tree person growing up, but my husband refuses. I hope to persuade him otherwise eventually!
    -Meredith http://perfectionpending.net

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  18. I am such a fake tree person!! That's what I always had growing up, too!

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  19. Lol funny you mentioned this - we just bought our first real tree and they're not that bad. It's our first one so we'll see how it goes.. The little needles on the floor will get on my nerves but i'm sure I can live with it. My significant other loves the authenticity of it all and the fresh pine scent. However, I think we'll try something a little more different next year just for the heck of it. Have a great one Amber! -Iva

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  20. James is fake tree person, but since me and the girls are real tree people he's significantly out numbered. We win!

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  21. I'm so glad that I am not the only person that thinks of PIVOT these days. Classic episode!

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  22. As a kid I LOVED real trees. As an adult I LOVED real trees. As a mom - I LOVE fake ones...less hassle - unless you count the whole - it doesn't look full or damn I poked my eye with the freaking branch!!

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  23. We've switched back and forth between having a fake tree and having a real tree. This year we went back to having a fake tree because we found one on sale for a great price and it is pre-lit! Makes my job a heck of a lot easier :D

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  24. I"m definitely a real tree person. i've never had a fake one... EVER. lol. it wouldn't be christmas without going out and getting the tree...

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  25. Fake all the way! I will never have a real tree.

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