"Yeah, it's easy to give up soda! I did it last month! Actually, I found that the carbonation hurt my stomach! Yeah, I drink coffee and tea for caffeine! No, no, it's SO EASY to give up soda! Really!"
I rolled my eyes.
First, why would anyone give up soda? It's a delight. Second, why was she speaking in exclamation points? This was Target. My place of zen. She was spoiling my peace.
"I don't even MISS soda, I swear! I really don't!" Chatty Cathy continued. She was up pretty far ahead of me. Yet the entire store could probably hear her. Why wasn't she stepping outside? Or she could, I don't know, lower her volume. It took all my might not to march over to her and press my fingers against my lips like a librarian.
"Tea isn't bad at all! I look forward to it now! Yes, I have water with lunch, and tea with dinner! Sweet tea, mostly, but sometimes unsweet," Chatty Cathy blabbered.
An elderly woman passed me. We shared a Look that clearly said, "Why won't this lady shut it?"
It took all my might not to march over, snatch Chatty Cathy's phone and do this:
Look, if you aren't talking about something juicy--a friend who is having an affair with Juan down the street--a child who has special powers--John Krasinski coming to town--no one wants to hear your conversation. No one. So if you must talk in a store, lower the volume. If the person on the other end cannot hear you when you lower the volume, step outside. The entire store will thank you, I promise.
Chatty Cathy proceeded to yak for ten more minutes. I could still hear her when I made it across the store. And the finally, blissfully, it fell silent again.
If you can't wait to speak on the phone, keep it DOWN.