Friday, April 25, 2014

I Swear My Daughter Is PMSing Now

My daughter?

I feel like she's PMSing now.

Yes, she's only 7.

But...

When she goes from this:



To this in a matter of seconds:



It's a little concerning. It makes a person go, "WTF?" (My husband says, "You see? Now you understand how men feel!")


She changes moods a lot when I take photos of her. Those smiling pictures I post? Aren't always easy to get. I have to either A) make farting noises or B) injure myself. Or pretend to injure myself. But sometimes I end up really injuring myself.

Sometimes the fart sounds and the wounding of my person doesn't work. She's getting...well, PMS-ey.


"I don't like farts and I don't care if you run into Daddy's grill. It's not funny anymore."

Well, tra-la-la, princess.

"You just aren't a funny person to me anymore."


I don't take it lightly when the people I created claim I am not a funny person. So I took one of Natalie's outdoor toys--I picked a plastic ball--and bounced it off my forehead.

"Watch out," I shouted. "The ball is a flying turd!"


A-ha! I was getting to her. It was working. I picked up the ball and did it again. "Watch out! The ball is a flying TURD!"

A woman walking her dog did a double take in my direction.

This happens a lot.



I thought, yay, it's working! It's really working.

But then...

"Why won't you just leave me alone?"



Then Tom popped his head out and asked if Natalie was being nice. He knows she can grate on my nerves.

"Yes, Daddy."

And then she did this:


In the words of Stephanie Tanner? How RUDE.

Did I not carry her inside me?

Did I not push her out?

Did I not nurse her? I was the ONLY ONE who could feed her because I couldn't ever pump anything AND she spit out bottles and screamed like a banshee if we dared try to press the nipple of one into her dainty mouth.

It's all about Daddy. It's always been all about Daddy.

"Daddy, watch me spin!"



"Daddy, look at me smile!"



Tom told her she was beautiful and then went back inside.

I should have called him back out. As soon as he was gone, Natalie's smile dropped from her face.



"Aw, Natalie, don't be mean. Give me a smile!"


"I can't. Not right now."


"Come on. What if the flying turd comes back?"


"I need to go inside. My skin is hurting. Goodbye."


And she left.

I swear.

She's PMSing now.

32 comments:

  1. OMG...This had me ROLLING!!! She sure is a daddy's girl!!! lol

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  2. kayla does this a lot. it's nearly impossible to get a decent picture from her unless SHE wants to pose.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  3. Flying turd! hahaha!
    I guess you need Tom as a photo assistant. I need Cassidy as mine, except that he's so much taller than me and he doesn't know to duck down and so I get photos of my kids smiling up! Up the nose shots! Not so flattering, Cassidy!

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  4. My three year old daughter, just this morning, was in a great mood as I was getting her dressed. Then her four year old brother came in, said
    "good morning" to her.

    She broke down crying, yelling "just leave me alone!"

    I choose to believe it's a tendency to dramatics . . . after all, as a penised individual, I know better to claim PMS for the reason behind any individual behavior.

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  5. HAHA ... having two girls (now adults) I can totally relate to this...and just wait till your daughter becomes a teenager!! pure joy!!! hahahah....can you hear the sarcasm?

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  6. Hell hath no fury like teenage PMS - just wait, it gets worse (not very encouraging, I know, but my daughter is almost 17 - so I speak from experience).

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  7. YOU MAKE FARTING NOISES??

    God, I love you.

    Wait until she's 15, almost 16.

    Last week we went through the "I'm so miserable and I can't wait to get out of here" crap.

    She's never paid a bill, she's never driven a car, she's never wiped her butt with toilet paper SHE bought.

    But yet, she's just soooo miserable.

    Boo-friggin-hoo.

    You're a doll...I loved this!

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  8. Flying turd...that is hysterical.
    My daughter is a Daddy's girl too. I wish I had the same relationship with her. I can hear them having long conversations when I am out of the room that she'd never have with me. It's nice that they have that though.

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  9. Bwahahahahahahahaha.
    I FEEL YOU!! Lucy is 10 and actually the hormonal swings have slowed down a bit (because they are gearing up for the BIG SWING)I totally remember 8 and 9 as being VERY up and down! Whew! --Lisa

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  10. My skin is hurting. Diva! Flying turd. Hysterical.

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  11. My skin is hurting. Diva! Flying turd. Hysterical.

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  12. I can relate to this. I swear my 3 year old has PMS already. I really don't want to know what she will be like when PMS does hit.

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  13. She has beautiful blue eyes and what sophisticated character I swear Natalie should go into acting

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  14. "My skin is hurting" hahahaha. I can't believe you tried flying turds and falling and it didn't work!

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  15. LOL! I'm in a lot of trouble then because my daughter acts this way and she's only THREE!!! When she turns 7, that will be even worse. My boys are 6 and 8 and they get super moody sometimes. My sweet 8 year old is snarky now! And my 6 year old is my cuddle buddy one day and hates me the next. They don't care if we labored for hours to get them out. They're here to stay and they have demands!!!
    Great post!!!

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  16. Hahahah!! Kids are funny... I swear my whole house is PMSing sometimes and I live with all boys!

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  17. I love that she's such a daddy's girl but it rough when even flying turds and an injured mom no longer gets a smile out of her.

    She's beautiful, by the way.

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  18. Yes, men do have it hard, dealing with all of our mood swings :) i (don't) look forward to having these moments with my daughter in a handful of years.

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  19. I also enjoy a good fart sound while I'm being photographed.

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  20. My baby since 4 months old she laughed with her daddy's jokes and not mine(even if I did the exact same thing seconds later!). Lately she laughs with me as well but at some point it was really frustrating!
    how unfair!!

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  21. HaHa - that is hilarious!! All I can say is - Good luck when she is older!!! At least she's cute!

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  22. Wow. I have just 'inherited' a six year old boy - love him to absolute bits but he looks so much like her and some of those faces she pulled in her photographs are literally identical. Should I be worried!?!?

    New follower on GFC and Bloglovin! xxxx


    www.bohemianmuses.blogspot.com

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  23. Girls are rough. I know I'm in for it if mine continue on this path of being just like me...

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  24. HAHAHA I love it. She is beautiful and adorable and believe me, when she actually gets to the point where she truly is PMS-ing, with all the physical joys that come with it, she will stuck to you like glue. Mama's time always comes.

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  25. This is hilarious yet true! All my girlfriends with girls had similar stories. My 3 boys who are young men now still love fart jokes!

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  26. It's so funny you have to make fart sounds because, once a friend of a daughter said to me: girls don't fart, they just hold it all in and it comes out as Drama.

    my 7 year old is the same. Such Drama. She goes from Worst Day Ever No One Loves Me I will stay in my room forever.... to *5 seconds later* mom! mom! can I have a snack?
    Your moods - explain them!

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  27. Oh my god! This is hysterical. I have an almost 4 year old daughter who has had PMS since day 1! I thought it was a toddler thing, but I can totally see her carrying it over to age 7...and adulthood. She is so full of drama (and other stuff), this post totally captures it!

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  28. Hahahaha! Oh my goodness, this had me laughing out loud!! What a daddy's girl
    -Marley
    http://www.afandlove.blogspot.com/

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  29. Apparently Tom is going to have to become the family photographer!
    My youngest is 13 and for REAL about to start her period. Lord help me AND my poor husband.

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  30. You are in for a wild ride in the next few years! Good luck :)

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  31. Shes's beautiful! :)

    Lisa,xo
    http://chiclittlethrills.blogspot.com/

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